In the Case of Asuka Langley Sohryu
by Da Games Elite
Summary: In an attempt to boost the children's sync tests, Ritsuko carts the pilots off to a psychologist. Asuka is vainly against the idea, but slowly learns things about herself and the world around her. SxA and MxK pairing. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

The following fanfiction is my first tale in the universe of Evangelion

The following fanfiction is my first tale in the universe of Evangelion. As you all should know, the characters are extremely developed, if not the most developed in any anime. So I was surprised that they were only a couple of fanfictions on the site that involved the characters going to a psychologist. This little tale of mine is the tale of Asuka Langley Sohryu and her psychologist. As you can very well imagine, there is much territory to cover.

However, that is all the summary I need to tell you. The rest of the story, as it were, should tell itself. And please, leave reviews! I love reviews!

**--**

**In the Case of Asuka Langley Sohryu**

**Part One**

The only good thing about this entire stupid trip was the fact that she was skipping cleaning duty for her classroom. That was it.

There was nothing else good about being thrown in a car for an hour that looked as though all you needed was to give it a good kick if you wanted to make it fall apart to pieces. There was nothing good that her dear guardian Misato had gulped down a few cans of beer just before coming to pick her and that idiot up from class. Oh, and let's not forget that Wonder Girl was also thrown in between her and the stupid idiot. We couldn't forget that stupid girl and her blank expressionless face.

It sure was creepy just looking at that girl's face. She probably didn't object to having to be carted off to some stupid shrink. After all, a freaking shrink!

They had been told after another one of those boring sync tests. Naturally, she had emerged on top, beating that stupid idiot and Wonder Girl. She had been pretty proud of herself, until she had started showering off the slimy bloodlike LCL from her beautiful, voluptuous frame.

"Alright, you three, the results are in."

Asuka had been running a bar of soap over her arms. The sound of Ritsuko's voice had surprised her, and the jolt had resulted in the soap sliding from her hands. She reached out for the soap, hoping to catch it before it fell, only for it to slip from her hands again. She repeatedly tried to get a firm grip over it, only having it slip from her fingers like an idiot! Finally, she just let the damn thing it the floor, and she picked it up.

"What is it now?" Asuka snarled.

"Is there a problem?" Rei asked from behind the partition of the three shower stalls.

"No, no problems. Everyone's doing great," Ritsuko said, "But we have a different problem."

"Yes," Maya stated.

That girl Maya had to be a lesbian. Asuka would bet all the money in her bank account that she had a crush on Ritsuko. The fact that she could see Asuka's silhouette disgusted her. She was probably having a grand old time in her fantasy land.

"You see, guys," Ritsuko said, "While you are progressing smoothly, we think your improvement has hit something of a roadblock."

"What?" Asuka stammered. A road block? That could not, would not happen. She had to be better than everyone. Ah well. She was still ahead of that idiot, anyway.

"The fact is, with the exception of Shinji, you guys have virtually stopped increasing your sync ratio."

Wait, aside from the idiot? Asuka felt a chill run through her body for the briefest moment before indignation filled her.

"What? Really?" Shinji stammered from the next stall over.

Asuka wanted to punch him.

"And even your development is slowing down," Maya added.

Victory! She knew there was no way that idiot could possibly beat her anyway. He was just a greenhorn, after all.

"However, we think you can still improve, there's just something blocking the way is all," Ritsuko continued, "So we've decided to let you see the NERV psychologist to—"

"Wait, psychologist?!" Asuka stammered, "What do you think we are? Crazy?"

A psychologist. For the briefest moment, an image of a doll materialized in her mind's eye, a doll hanging by a noose from the ceiling of a room, before she returned to her normal state of mind.

"I don't need a psychologist," Asuka grumbled as the idiot spoke up.

"Uh, are you sure that's honestly necessary?"

Finally the idiot spoke with some sense!

"Absolutely," Ritsuko replied, "We aren't saying you're insane or anything."

"Sure you aren't."

"But since the sync tests are connected to your mental state of mind, we think that if you're more at ease with yourself, maybe you'll synchronize more thoroughly than you would normally."

"I'm perfectly fine," Asuka laughed, "It's gonna be a waste of time."

"I see nothing disagreeable."

"I guess I'll go."

And thus she recalled that moment until they pulled up in front of the damn shrink's building a good distance from NERV headquarters. Why did it have to be so damn far away, anyway? Misato opened the door, staggering a little bit, before telling the children to get out of the car.

Naturally, Asuka got out first.

"Uh, is this the place?" Shinji asked, looking at the building.

"Well, what do you think, stupid?" snarled Asuka, "We stopped here. We're getting out of the car. It's kinda obvious that this is the place, you stupid idiot!"

"You don't need to get all defensive about it," Shinji mumbled, revealing the tiny backbone he had.

"Don't worry, Shinji. Asuka's just worried the psychologist will find out she has some sort of horrible disorder," Misato joked.

"No I'm not!" Asuka snarled.

"That theory sounds plausible," Rei replied, glancing up at Asuka, apathetic.

They walked up the stairs through the complex building, which was apparently not solely devoted to the NERV psychologist but also a lot of other psychologists and specialists. Finally, however, they found the appropriate room, and waltzed right in. Naturally, Asuka took the most comfortable seat closest to the door out. The seat was right beside Shinji, the idiot, who was stuck in the middle of her and Rei. Well, at least the idiot would have a side-by-side comparison of what a real woman looked like, and not that stupid Wonder Girl.

Misato walked up to the desk, and informed them that "the special children" had arrived. Special children? What the hell did that mean? Special cases. What were they to this bastard shrink anyway?

"Alright. The doctor will see Rei Ayanami now," Misato said when she returned to them. Rei acknowledged the summons, pushed herself up, and walked to the door opposite them.

Finally, she was gone. That freak bothered her so much, like a stupid doll. Like an emotionless, damn—

"Asuka?"

She turned at the sound of her name to the idiot on her left. "Oh, what is it?" she asked, mildly.

"Well, I was thinking, what is this person going to be like? Have you ever been to a psychologist before?" he asked.

"Nope, but I know some people who did." A chill ran up her spine as the image of a broken woman in a hospital bed cradling a doll sprang into her mind's eye, but she suppressed that image. "They ask you a bunch of stupid questions. How was your childhood? That's very interesting. What are your dreams like? What does this stupid inkblot look like? And then when you answer all the questions they say you have an Oedipus Complex or something like that?"

"Oedipus Complex?"

"Means you want to have sex with your mom and kill your dad."

This explanation left Shinji staring wide eyed at Asuka as he stammered, "But that's crazy!"

"That's why I hate psychologists. They don't tell you anything useful."

The moments passed in silence for what seemed to be hours, until that damned Wonder Girl walked through those doors into the waiting room. Shinji pushed himself up the moment she walked in, only to approach Rei. Why was he so enthusiastic in greeting her, anyway?

"So what is it like, Rei?" Shinji asked.

"It was agreeable." Was that a smile on Rei's face? That must be one of the signs of the Apocalypse! Rei smiling! Now Asuka was scared. What the hell had gone in that room!?

"The doctor will see Shinji Ikari now."

And so she spent the next session alone. In a waiting room. With a damn doll.

"Are you worried?" Rei asked Asuka after a long period of silence.

"Not in the least," Asuka laughed.

"Then why are you so jittery?"

"Jittery? What do you mean jittery?"

"You're tapping your foot irregularly."

Asuka stamped on her foot with her other foot. "I don't know what you're talking about, Wonder Girl."

Eventually, Shinji walked through the doors, smiling. Alright, now this was strange. Two happy costumers to some stupid psychologist? What the hell was going on? "Alright, now this is ridiculous!" Asuka snarled, pushing herself up, and rushing at that idiot, "Just what the hell is going on?"

"It wasn't like you said, Asuka," Shinji said, raising his eyebrows, "The psychologist never asked about our childhood or told me I had an Ed-You-Poose complex."

"Oedipus! Oedipus Complex!" Asuka snarled before turning on the secretary, "What? Is it my turn now!?"

"That it is," the secretary stammered, a tad taken aback.

Asuka marched to the door, slammed it open, and stamped her way down another hallway. Why the hell were they so many damn hallways in this stupid complex anyway? They couldn't just be one room where they threw all this crap in, could there? Could there!?

Finally, she reached the end of the hall, and opened the door at the end. The walls were lined with shelves of books. Not all of which were psychology books, which surprised Asuka. Rather, a few of the shelves were devoted purely to manga. Sitting at a desk, a cluttered desk at that with many pictures of smiling faces and smiling children was a woman wearing glasses.

"Asuka, right?" the woman asked. She had short black hair cut into a bob, a sweet rounded face. She looked a little pudgy, but Asuka wouldn't have called her plump at all. She looked a little cute, but no where near as pretty as she, Asuka, was.

"You know, I was expecting a guy, truthfully," Asuka said, standing at the door.

"You know, everyone says that," the woman laughed a little before saying, "Take a seat over there."

Asuka had expected a sprawled out couch for her to lye down, but rather found a recliner, which she tossed herself down on. It was rather comfortable. The doctor smiled as Asuka reclined the chair so that the back was parallel to the ground. "When I first got that, I always did that."

Asuka straightened her chair up before mumbling, "That's so childish."

"Maybe, but it's always good to have a bit of innocence, I think," the doctor said, smiling.

Asuka didn't respond.

"My name is Dr. Michiko Tamako, or just Dr. Tamako for short. Or Michiko. Whichever you prefer."

"I'll take the Dr. Tamako, thank you very much," Asuka mumbled.

"You're defensive, aren't you?" Dr. Tamako asked, smiling slightly.

"I'm not falling for your act is all," Asuka laughed, a smirk on her face, "I know what you're doing. You're going to make me feel all comfortable and relaxed, and make you think you're my friend or something, and then bombard me with questions until I start crying and having a damn epiphany or something."

Dr. Tamako interlocked her soft hands, a smile on her lips, "Well, I'm not going to say you're all wrong. I am trying to make you feel comfortable and relaxed. But I'm not trying to make you think I'm your friend. I'm trying to become your friend. And I'd really rather not see you cry."

All lies, but whatever. Asuka would see what happened. She didn't trust this idiot as far as she could throw her, but whatever.

"Alright. But I'm fine the way I am."

"I'm sure you are."

What did she mean by that?

"Say, that boy who came in here before you. He was pretty cute, huh?"

Her face flushed as Asuka pushed herself out of the recliner, "What the hell are you babbling about!? That idiot is so stupid! He's spineless and a pervert!"

"He didn't seem too stupid when I talked to him," laughed Dr. Tamako, "In fact, I thought I was kinda cute, truthfully."

"You lecherous pig! _Dummkof_!" Was this pedophile just like that idiot Misato?!

"And what about that other girl? Rei? She seemed nice."

"Oh, Wonder Girl?" Asuka snorted, "She'd be nice only if you told her to be. Hell, she doesn't do anything unless you tell her to. I hear her room is a real pigsty."

"I see. Well, that's your opinion. You're entitled to it," the doctor said, smiling, "So, do you want to play a game?"

"A game?" Asuka snorted, "What do you think I am? A kid or something?"

"Well, if you're afraid you'll lose, I understand," Dr. Tamako said, a proud grin on her face.

"Alright! I won't lose! I'll play the stupid game!" Asuka snarled, pushing herself up. So this was a challenge on her honor, was it? Well, she'd never back down from that, even if it was against a stupid shrink.

The doctor withdrew a deck of cards from her desk, smiling as she shuffled them. "The name of the game is Rummy. 5000 Rummy, to be exact."

"Alright! I'll play the damn game, and I'll kick your butt at it, too!" Her rather plump butt, Asuka wanted to add.

"Oh, we'll see." As the doctor explained the rules, Asuka felt her blood boil. So this idiot thought she'd be able to beat Asuka? Well, they'd see about that. Oh, they'd see.

"Let's play."

As they the game went on, the doctor asked a question, "So, Asuka, you like winning?"

"Love it."

"Like being the best?"

"Who doesn't?"

"Oh, I see. Never can settle for second place?"

"Second? No one remembers the second best. They only care about the best. That's the name that everyone remembers. You remember who got second in last year's Olympic Fencing?"

"Nope."

"Remember who got first?"

"I don't watch Fencing," Dr. Tamako said, winking.

"Oh, it was such a great fight, too," Asuka sighed as she laid down her hand, a victorious smile on her face, "Looks like I win."

"Well, not yet, We play until we reach 5000 points."

Asuka grinned, "So I get a few more chances to rub your face in the dirt, huh?"

"Oh, there will be no face rubbing here, Asuka," Dr. Tamako laughed.

As the games proceeded, occasionally Dr. Tamako actually pulling ahead of Asuka and occasionally the Second Child knocking the good doctor down a knotch, Asuka started to make small talk. "So who are those kids in the pictures?"

"My kids," Dr. Tamako said, smiling, "Proud mother of four."

Asuka felt a chill run up her spine the moment the doctor had spoken. An image of a woman cradling a doll in her arms filled her mind's eye for a moment before dissolving into nothingness.

"You want children, Asuka?" Dr. Tamako asked, smiling gently.

"Not at all."

"You should really reconsider. They're really great!"

"No thanks."

"And you could have Shinji as the husband."

Asuka's face flushed deep red as she rushed to her feet, "Just what the hell are you implying here?!"

"Nothing. Nothing."

"It better be nothing! I hate that stupid idiot! He's just so spineless and.…argh!"

"You best not be distracted, Asuka."

"And why is that?"

"Distractions like that might get in the way of the game," Dr. Tamako said as she placed the winning hand down on the table.

"Damn!" Asuka snarled, snapping her fingers, "Ah well, there's next game! What's the score so far?"

"Well, you have 4890, while I have…oh, I have 5100. Looks like I win!"

Asuka's eyes widened in shock. "Alright! Just how the hell did you do that?!"

"I have experience," the doctor laughed, "But don't worry. You put up a great fight, so I'm sure—"

"That doesn't matter! I have to win!"

"Why?"

"Because no one cares about second place!"

"Is that so? But who are you fighting against?"

Asuka looked at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Who is it that you're trying to beat?" Dr. Tamako asked, a half grin on her lips, "Is it me? Is it Rei? Shinji? I don't think so. I think what you're doing is just beating yourself up."

"What?!" Asuka stammered, "What do you mean I'm beating myself up?"

"Listen, Asuka," Dr. Tamako said, looking up at her, "Playing games and winning is great and all, but no one is perfect. Eventually, people lose. It's impossible to win all the time. The fact of the matter is that you don't need to be perfect to be remembered."

"What do you mean?"

"Eventually, Shinji will pass you."

"What?!" That idiot could not, would not pass her! She was too good for that!

"The fact is that he's increasing at an astounding rate. And while he's getting better and better, you're essentially standing still. What you need to do is—"

"He won't beat me!"

"Let me finish. What you need to do is to acknowledge that you are an amazing pilot, even if you aren't the best."

"I know I'm amazing! Better than everyone else!"

"You know, the old saying goes that if someone is good, there's always someone better."

"But there's only three of us. And I'm the best!" she said, smiling confidently.

"Might not always be that way. Might be that something will happen to change that. All you need to do is understand that you might lose. Or fail. It's only human nature. Even in the Olympics, champions are beaten in their later attempts by the second place finishers or even the eigth place finishers."

"So are you saying I'm going to lose?"

"No. You might be the best forever, but you just need to be a little more humble about it. Winning isn't everything."

"But no one really cares about someone who isn't the best," Asuka mumbled, "Just like no one cares about that Shinji—"

"You seem to care a lot."

"Will you shut up about that? I don't like the idiot!"

"Sure you don't. Well, try playing some Rummy with the other two, and next time, try a little harder to beat me."

"Oh, I will beat you! Make no mistake about it!" Asuka said, a confident little smile crawling up her lips.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

"Look, as much as I love Rummy, Asuka, maybe you should just do something a little more productive."

"Like what?"

"Like helping Shinji cook, maybe?"

Misato, having drunken a good five cans of beer this far in the game, had lost consecutively for the seventh time in a row. It had been about week since Asuka had to hear that stupid shrink Dr. Tamako. She had had nearly seven days to see around Dr. Tamako's lies and deceit, to see how her mind worked.

"Asuka, don't you have that appointment today?" Shinji asked, placing dishes on the table.

"I don't need to go. Why don't you and Wonder Girl go off and enjoy yourselves?"

"Well, they have gone to two meetings already, and you skipped out," Misato said, frowning.

"The office is an hour away. I have a life, you know!" Asuka shrugged off their comment. Dr. Tamako was a fake, a liar, deceitful. She didn't care what happened to her. Hell, if she wasn't a pilot, if she wasn't a champion, that stupid doctor wouldn't give a damn about her period.

"So you aren't going?" Misato asked, frowning.

"Hah! Not at all!"

"That's a shame. And I was so hoping to drive you over there myself, too."

Asuka's ears perked up at the sound of the masculine voice. Her heart began to pound against her ribs as she pushed herself up, spinning on her feet as she sprinted over to the doorway of the shabby apartment. Standing in the open threshold was none other than Kaji! She leapt into his arms, embracing his masculine chest as she shrieked in joy.

"Kaji!!" she shrieked, her voice high and girly.

"Oh, now you want to go?" Misato snorted, "Well, go off with that idiot! See what I care!"

"Ah, and I really wanted to take you along for the ride, Misato," Kaji said, his voice relaxed.

"Don't worry about her, Kaji! She's a little tipsy anyway. She wouldn't be any fun," Asuka said, rubbing her cheek against Kaji's chest.

"Uh! Ingrate," Misato mumbled before gulping down an entire can of beer in one go.

Well, at least now a real man was bringing her. At least someone who actually had a backbone, unlike that idiot who was essentially at Misato's beck and call. On a choke collar.

As Kaji opened the door, Asuka leapt into her seat at Kaji's side. As Kaji drove down the street, Asuka pouted slightly. "I'm hungry."

"You mean you didn't actually eat food at Misato's?" Kaji asked, a tad skeptically.

"Well, if that idiot Shinji actually cooked the food at a reasonable hour, this wouldn't have happened."

"Do you want me to order something for you on the way?"

"You mean it?" This was what a real man would do. He would honestly do his best to make sure that the beautiful girl would receive what she wanted and how she wanted it. This was the beauty of men like Kaji. Adult, not perverted!

"Certainly. I'll get it for you after the appointment."

Asuka felt her heart stop.

"So I'll have the wait?"

"Don't worry. The appointment won't be very long. A half hour at most."

"And an hour trip there."

"You can save the world in a gigantic Eva but you can't wait an hour and a half for food," Kaji sighed, "When I was a child, younger than you, even, things weren't quite so simple."

Consumed by her hunger, time seemed to go by at the pace of a mold covered sloth weighed down by an anchor that had been embedded in the Earth. By the time they did arrive, Asuka was about to puke from her hunger. Kaji exited the car and, like the gentleman he was, opened the door up for her. She nearly collapsed out of the car, dying of hunger.

They proceeded to the waiting room, where the secretary said, without hesitation, "The doctor will see you now."

"See? Door-to-door service," Kaji said, patting Asuka on the back, "After this is over, I'll make sure you eat something delicious."

"Thanks a lot," Asuka moaned, walking down the hallway, and into Dr. Tamako's office.

The doctor was seated behind her desk, a smile on her face. "Aren't we late today?"

"Save it," Asuka mumbled, collapsing onto the recliner.

"And you skipped our last appointment."

"Save it. Do you have any food, by any chance?"

"I have a box of crackers."

"Can I have them?"

Dr. Tamako smiled, "On one condition."

"And what might that be?" Asuka mumbled.

"I want you to answer a question. Each question you answer, I'll give you a cracker," Dr. Tamako responded, smiling.

At this point in time, she was so desperate for food that she'd do anything. Still, she was weary. The thought of food with Kaji gave her some sense of reason, after all. "What kind of questions?"

"Nothing serious," Dr. Tamako said, "You don't have to answer any questions you don't want to answer. I'll give you a cracker for all the questions you do answer, however, so if you don't like that one, I'll ask you another one. Sound fair?"

"Fine, whatever," Asuka moaned.

"I'll give you a cracker now just because you look really hungry." The doctor tossed a cracker over at Asuka, which she caught without trouble. The cracker was the size of the palm of her hand, and did not satisfy any of her hunger after she consumed it.

"First of all, why did you miss our last appointment? Be honest."

"I didn't want to come. That's all. It's a waste of time. I don't need help."

"Fair enough," Dr. Tamako said, tossing a cracker over at Asuka, which she devoured without hesitation, "Second question: who was that man who brought you here?"

"You mean Kaji?" Now the doctor was talking Asuka's language. She straightened up in her chair, reverence in her eyes, "He's amazing! He's a real gentleman, perfect! And his little scuffle…AH! Just amazing!"

"So you like him? Affectionately?"

"Yes!" Asuka shrieked, before adding, "By the way, I get two crackers now, right? I answered two questions."

"Certainly," Dr. Tamako replied, tossing both crackers at Asuka, "Now then, what makes him a gentleman?"

"He's so mature and adult! Not like those other stupid kids."

"Like Shinji?"

"Exactly!"

"I see. Well, that not withstanding, here's a cracker." Asuka caught the cracker before the doctor continued, "Now, let me ask you, exactly how old is Kaji?"

"Hmmm…29, maybe?"

The doctor tossed her a cracker before continuing. "How old is Shinji?"

"14."

After Asuka received the cracker, the doctor continued. "And how old are you, again?"

"13."

"Pretty mature looking for 13. I would have figured 15, at least."

Asuka blushed deep red. "Oh, thanks."

"I mean, I didn't get boobs like that until I was 17! And that wasn't because of hormones so much as weight gain."

"Well, we can't all be as lucky as I am," Asuka said with a grin.

"Apparently not. I'd kill for your beauty," Dr. Tamako said, folding her hands up, "Now, do you have a boyfriend other than Kaji?"

"A bunch of people have asked me out, but they're all a bunch of immature perverts. They aren't mature enough for my tastes."

"And what are your tastes?"

"My tastes? Well, my tastes are…" Asuka thought for a moment. She leaned back in her recliner, scratching her chin. Well, Kaji was so mature, so masculine, and that idiot Shinji was just a coward who couldn't stand up for himself. But why was it that when she thought of that idiot coward that her stomach twisted and she wished for his arms to wrap around her body?

She turned white. She shook her head until the image of that idiot embracing her left her head.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"So what's your answer?"

Asuka was about to answer when she realized she didn't have an answer. "I don't know, really. I guess it's a case-by-case basis."

"Case-by-case, huh?" Dr. Tamako repeated, nodding, "I guess that makes sense. I mean, you can't really define who you're going to fall in love with until you've actually fallen in love."

"Exactly."

"Someone you're willing to spend the rest of your life with."

"Yup."

"Someone who you can imagine holding you close."

"Sure."

"Someone like Shinji."

"Abso—WAIT A SECOND!!" Asuka stammered, pushing herself, "What are you saying?!"

"Oh, nothing at all, it's just when I mentioned before about what kind of man you like you turned all red and started shaking your head. I assumed that meant you saw something you would rather not want to. Still, the smile on your face before it made it seem as though you were enjoying that image."

"No! I just…_gott in himell_…" She collapsed on the recliner before moaning, "I don't like him."

"Of course you don't. How about we change subjects? What are your feelings toward Rei, hmm?"

"Wonder Girl?" Asuka laughed, "She's a doll. A robot. You ask her to jump of a bridge, she'd probably ask 'which one'. She's kinda scary, actually."

"Well, I'm sure she's just a little bit of an introvert."

"That's an understatement."

"And you are more of an extrovert. You are both on opposite sides of the spectrum."

"Got that right."

"Maybe if you tried to understand her better, though, you'd understand why she's the way she is."

Asuka was about to respond, but decided against it. Come to think of it, what did Asuka actually know about Rei, anyway? Virtually nothing. She was just there, occupying space, doing all she could to serve her superiors without complaint. She was like a butler, or a robot.

Or a doll.

Once again, the image of a doll hanging by the rafters of a room appeared in her conscious mind, an image she struggled to suppress.

"Well, that's my advice for that situation. Now, what about your home country. I was told you lived in Germany. What's that like?"

"Beautiful. It's so much better than this stupid country!" she laughed, "I mean, really. You people all sleep on the floor. Talk about uncomfortable."

"We do have beds here."

"Not where I live."

"So you aren't adjusting to the customs?"

"More than just the customs! The kanji are insane! Why can't your language be simple and perfect, like German?"

"A matter of opinion, naturally," Dr. Tamako replied, shrugging, "I mean, you can speak Japanese, can't you?"

"But I can't read it all too well, which is annoying. Especially in school."

"Are you bright?"

"I graduated college last year."

The doctor's expression of surprise was priceless. Asuka loved how her face was contorted in surprise, her eyebrows raised, her skin pale. "College? Really?"

"Yup!"

"It took me years to get my final degree…" Dr. Tamako cried.

"Well, I didn't get a doctorates or anything like that, but still…"

"So did you like college?"

"Yeah, it was nice."

"Must be pretty strange, though, being so young there."

"You get used to it."

"You seem to have a pretty old soul."

"What does that mean?"

"Means you're mature for your age."

"Guess that's true."

"Maybe too mature."

Asuka glanced up at that statement, and eyebrow raised. Too mature? What did that mean? Was her maturity bothering the doctor or something? Well, what did she care? She didn't need that woman's approval anyway.

"You should enjoy childhood while you can, Asuka," Dr. Tamako said, frowning, "You only are young once, and when you're an adult, you'll never have that youth again. God, what I'd give to be in high school again, with that cute uniform. Still, it won't happen. Enjoy it while you can."

"So what do you want me to do?" Asuka asked, a little surprised by the speech.

"You have to be a kid. A child. You're only 13. You still have many years ahead of you to grow up.

"But they are so many stupid people!"

"They are just as many stupid mature people as stupid kids," Dr. Tamako laughed.

"Really."

"Yup!"

"Well…hey! Wait a second! What about the crackers?!" Asuka walked over to the desk, and tore the box from the doctor's hands. She shook the remaining contents into her open palm, which consisted of a mere five crumbs. Asuka glanced over at the doctor's lap, only to see crumbs.

"You ate them while you were smooth talking me, didn't you!?"

"Well, keep in mind I haven't eaten either," Dr. Tamako replied, a shaky smile on her lips.

"Whatever! I'm leaving!" Asuka snarled, turning her back on the doctor and walking toward the door.

"Asuka. Wait."

She didn't know why she stopped in her steps the moment that voice reached her ears. Nevertheless, the Second Child stopped where she was, and glanced over her shoulder at the doctor. With a slight frown, Dr. Tamako spoke, slowly, "Listen. I want you to do a little homework for me."

"Homework?" Asuka didn't like the sound of that. What kind of homework could a therapist assign, anyway?

"I want you to do three things. One is that you have to be a little nicer to Shinji and Rei."

"You mean the idiot and Wonder Girl?" What would she gain from that? Being nice to that pervert idiot? And that doll probably didn't have emotions anyway. What was the point of being nice to that damn doll, anyway? It wasn't like she'd respond!

"Yes. Just try to be nicer. You don't have to be best friends, but friendly. Maybe you'll grow attached as time passes."

"Alright, I get it. Next?"

"I want you to figure out what you want in a life partner. A lover. And I want you to be honest, alright?"

"Whatever."

"Alright. And three, I want you to congratulate someone on doing something better than you."

"Wait, WHAT!?" Asuka stammered, jumping to her feet, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Do you remember what we discussed last session?"

"Yes! Of course I do!"

"Well, it correlates with that," Dr. Tamako said, frowning, "If you were to seriously fail something, I'm sure you'd be devastated. That's the truth. I don't want to see you devastated. So just try to understand that you don't have to be the best all the time. The stress is really unhealthy."

"Alright, whatever!" Asuka mumbled. She'd probably lie about everything next session anyway, assuming there even would be a next session.

"And I'll know if you're lying. I'll have Misato and Kaji on the look out. And Ritsuko, for that matter," said a rather amused Dr. Tamako.

"Kaji wouldn't betray me like that!" stammered Asuka.

"Whatever you say," Dr. Tamako replied, smirking, "You can go, if you want, Asuka."

"Good-bye."

Asuka lumbered out of the room, only then remembering just how hungry she was. If that woman hadn't forgotten to give her crackers, then maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't be so damn hungry right now. She was sick by it all.

In the waiting room, Kaji jumped erect and straight upon Asuka's arrival. He had been talking to the now flustered secretary about something. Knowing Kaji it had been something reasonable and ordinary, though. Probably serious, because that secretary was extremely flustered.

"Are you done already?" Kaji asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. It was boring," Asuka sighed, walking away, Kaji behind her, "And I'm hungry. So can we get something along the way?"

They eventually purchased ramen. While not specifically romantic, it was nice to eat it with Kaji. Still, the doctor's words still haunted Asuka with every mouthful of food. What did she mean by everything she said? What did she mean that Asuka would be devastated if she lost? She would never be devastated because, well, she'd never lose. She was the best, and that was all there was to it. And what was she on about congratulating someone else? Of course she congratulated people other than herself. She congratulated Kaji on being so beautiful. She had thanked Misato for that one time she brought them to that ramen stand after stopping that one angel, right? And she was always nice to Hikari. So what did she mean?

And she had told the doctor about what she looked for in a life partner. Was she hard of hearing or something? Well, that didn't matter anyway. None of it mattered. Not even the being nicer to Shinji or Rei thing. That was all but useless. She was sure that something would happen if she didn't comply, but she refused to acknowledge it. Whatever, she'd probably just tell Shinji that he cooked food good or tell Rei that she wasn't a complete idiot. Whatever. No big deal.

None at all.

After eating her fill of ramen, the two of them started off towards Misato's apartment. As they drove down the road, Asuka spoke up, "Kaji, ever go to one of those shrinks before?"

"A psychologist? Certainly."

"What? Even you?" But Kaji was so sane, so ordinary. Was it forced upon him, as Dr. Tamako was forced upon her?

"Well, everyone needs help once in a while. No one can just stand alone without a helping hand. Everyone needs a light in the darkness."

"That makes sense, I suppose," Asuka admitted. What he was saying made sense. Still, she didn't need help right now. She was perfectly fine. Beautiful. A champion. Why would someone like her need help, anyway?

And then the image of her mother hanging from the ceiling exploded through her cranium, along with the haunting sound of her voice saying, weakly, "Come die with me."

"What's wrong, Asuka?" Kaji asked, glancing over at her with a concerned expression on his face, "You're really pale."

"It's nothing," Asuka said, smiling in spite of the grizzly image in her mind, "Nothing at all! I'm perfectly fine."

"If you say so."

Eventually, Asuka returned home. Kaji said he wanted to talk to Misato personally, and walked Asuka up to the front door. Misato answered it, wearing a tank top and short shorts. Upon seeing Kaji's face, she attempted shoving the door shut. Had it not been for Kaji holding it open, she would have succeeded.

"Now, I know my presence must be electrifying, but you don't need to go to such measures to keep me out, Misato," Kaji said.

"Only reason I'm not shoving you out of the room is because Asuka needs to come in," Misato grumbled.

"Very true, but I have to ask you about that event in a couple of nights. The wedding."

"Yes, what about it?" Misato asked as Asuka weaved underneath her arm and into the room.

The first thing she noticed was the lack of Shinji. He must be asleep or something. That idiot just couldn't stay awake for his life. Or perhaps he was just isolating himself in his room with that stupid tape player of his. It was the 21st Century! Why couldn't he upgrade to digital music storage like the rest of them, anyway?

The second thing she noticed was the bowl on the table. It was wrapped in clear wrap, a pair of chopsticks lying at its side. A post-it note on the surface read "For Asuka".

For a moment, all Asuka could do was stare at it. Who had saved it for her? Misato? Shinji? Had they known she would be hungry and saved it for her?

"Doesn't matter what time I tell him. He's probably going to be late anyway, just like he was now," Misato mumbled as he walked away from the locked door.

"Hey, Misato," Asuka asked, glancing over her shoulder, "Who saved that food?"

"Oh, Shinji felt bad for you because you left before the meal started, so he saved it for you. It was really delicious warm. Want me to warm it up?"

Asuka was silent for a moment before saying, "I already ate. I don't need it."

Despite this, she still walked over to the microwave, and opened it up to warm up the bowl of food.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part Three**

"Uh, Asuka?"

"What is it, Hikari?"

They were cleaning the classroom after school one evening, across from that idiot and doll. They were so consumed by their work that they didn't even notice that the two friends were long done with their own work. Not to mention that those two were holding her up from actually getting on with her arrival home.

"What was going on last night?" Hikari asked, "I called Misato's, but they told me you weren't there."

"I was at a stupid shrink," Asuka grumbled, "I don't have a choice."

"I think I understand," Hikari replied, shrugging.

Asuka had thought she'd ask her more questions. Wasn't she curious why Asuka was going to a shrink? What they were talking about? Why was Hikari acting as though it were something ordinary and insignificant? Was she missing something?

"It's so annoying! I don't need a stupid shrink," Asuka whined.

"Ah, it can't be so bad," Hikari replied, "I went to a psychologist for a little while after my mother died."

"Wait, you went to a psychologist?" Asuka stammered, staring in awe at her friend. How could she, such a perfectly ordinary girl, need to go to a psychologist? Why would she need to go, anyway? She was so normal, so ordinary, so sane. Why would she need to go to a damn shrink?

"Well, I needed to talk to someone," Hikari said, scratching the back of her neck, "I mean, who was I going to talk to? My sisters were all just devastated. Our father was just so concerned, and devastated himself for that matter. He found a good psychologist, and we all went as a family."

A family? Two images emerged in Asuka's mind, both side-by-side. One was of her father, making love with her future stepmother as Asuka's real mother was stroking the check of a doll. The other image, which surprised her very much, involved Misato and Kaji with Shinji and that doll Rei.

Why the hell was Rei in that picture anyway?

"Everyone needs to talk to someone, Asuka," Hikari said, smiling.

"Not me!" Asuka laughed, "I'm fine the way I am."

Hikari smiled gently, "Well, what about a boyfriend."

Again, the image of that idiot appeared in her brain. She wanted to rip the image of that Third Child's face out of her mind's eye, but if she tried clawing open her scalp, she mind look a little unstable in front of Hikari. She resisted the urge, and replied, in a strained voice, "Well, most guys are so immature, too."

"Well, my older sister knows this guy who has a really big crush on you," Hikari said, blushing deep red.

Asuka blushed deep red. A dirty pervert, no doubt. All men were such perverts. She loved how much power she had over men, sure, but the fact that they were just so perverse and immature disgusted her. "No thanks."

"But he's really nice."

"I don't think he's my taste," Asuka said, simply.

Despite her friend persisting, she didn't budge on her decision. The fact of the matter was that Asuka really didn't want to go out with her sister's friend. Hell, she didn't even know the guy! She'd at least like to know what he was like so she didn't waste her time. Besides, if he liked her so much, she might as well go tell her how he felt himself.

Regardless, after school, as she walked beside Shinji and Rei (Rei on the other side of their little trio with Shinji in the middle), immediately after Shinji told them he was going to visit his mother's grave the next day for the anniversary of his mother's death, she told them that she was, in fact, going on a date.

"Wow, congratulations," Shinji said, a little surprised. Was he disappointed?

"What is a date?" Rei asked, annoyed.

"You don't know?" How could she not know what a date was? After all, she was a doll, not retarded! "How can you not know? Aren't you in the least bit feminine?"

Rei narrowed her eyes. She was actually showing some form of emotion? How incredibly shocking. "I do not enjoy things like that. Not in particularly, in any case."

"But how? I mean, ah forget it!" Asuka mumbled, holding her hands behind her head in exasperation.

She would have said more, but a certain doctor's words had begun echoing in her cranium. Words that said she had to be nicer to those two idiots. Well, one was an idiot. The other was just a brain-dead doll. Nevertheless, she might as well make some effort to be nice to them. Knowing her luck, they'd probably rat her out to that shrink if she wasn't.

But how the hell would she go about doing this?!

The next day, Misato had gone out to go to a wedding of some sort. And, in order to play along, Asuka had left on her "date", which essentially meant she was going to walk around in a fancy dress for a while, get something to eat, and then go back home before it got dark out. She had already left that idiot behind to visit his dead mother, money in hand.

"Pilot Sohryu."

That voice. She slowly turned around to see Rei's expressionless face staring right back at her. When had she gotten here? Hell, where did she even come from? Wouldn't she be happier just sitting in her room like a doll on a shelf waiting until someone needed her or something?

"Rei? What are you doing here?" Asuka stammered.

"I like going on walks," Rei said, simply.

She actually had preferences? She had given Rei less credit than what was due. Rei noted the look of surprise, and replied, apathetically, "Why do you look so shaken, Pilot Sohryu?"

"What? I'm not shaken!"

"And why aren't you on your 'date'?"

"Date? Uh, I was actually just going over to it," she lied, "Yeah…"

Rei stared into her eyes, her blank red eyes driving into Asuka's azure ones. Finally, Rei sighed. "Alright, I'll accompany you to this 'date'."

"Wait, what?"

"I'll go with you. I am curious as to what this 'date' is," Rei replied, approaching Asuka's side.

No, she wouldn't. Rei would tell those idiots that she was lying about having a date. She'd rat her out without a moment's hesitation. But what if Asuka demanded her to be quiet? She was just a damn doll, anyway. The image of a doll hanging by a noose sprang to life in her brain, which she suppressed instantly.

"Uh, Rei, about that date…"

"You were lying, weren't you?"

"Wait, how did you know?" Was Asuka that terrible of a liar?

"Well, the fact of the matter is that you've been wondering for a good five minutes without any real destination."

"Wait, you were following me?!" Why hadn't she noticed that Rei as she was walking? What was she, anyway? A stalker? A lesbian? Just what the hell was she? Or had she been sent to spy on her? It wouldn't surprise Asuka if she had been sent to do just that.

"When I set out on my walk, I found you. And I thought I might as well see what you were up to," Rei said.

"So wait, you weren't ordered to follow me or something?" Asuka asked, relief settling in.

"Pilot Sohryu, not everything I do is because I'm ordered to do it," Rei said, an actual note of emotion, of annoyance, in her voice, be it ever so subtle.

Funny, that had always been Asuka's assumption.

"Regardless, what do you plan on doing, Pilot Sohryu?"

"I don't know, truthfully. I was going to just walk around and wait until it got dark, then head on back."

"Back to Pilot Ikari?"

"Yes, exactly," Asuka replied, "And maybe eat something along the way."

"Eat?" Rei repeated.

"Yes, you do eat, right? Oh, that's right, you're a vegetarian," Asuka replied.

"Why are you so condescending?" Rei asked in a horse, irritated voice.

"Come again?" Condescending? What did she mean condescending? She wasn't being condescending at all. She was just being brutally honest.

"You are no better than either myself or Pilot Ikari," Rei replied, her eyes determined in their blankness, "You have no right to simply waltz around acting as though you are somehow superior to us."

"I'm a better pilot."

"That is inconsequential."

What did that mean? Inconsequential? Was she the only one who knew that, in order to be respected and loved, you had to be the best? You had to be the greatest? No one remembered failures or second-rate hacks. Hell, by the time this was all done, no one would remember someone like Rei, who was the slowest of all the Eva pilots. And besides, she was a doll!

Right?

"In the end, it will not matter who is the best or who isn't," Rei replied, apathetic, "Only those whose lives you have touched will remember you. If you touch them the wrong way, those memories will be rather unpleasant."

"And how would you know?" Asuka snarled back, roughly, "You're just a damn doll!"

"I am not a doll."

"Yes you are! You do everything you're told and you don't even bother to argue. You don't show any emotion at all! You're just a blank, expressionless, damn doll!"

The image of the doll hanging on a noose, slowly waving back and forth from the ceiling rafters. The image of that damned doll, that God damn doll!

"What is wrong, Pilot Sohryu?"

So now she was showing concern, huh? She was showing emotion? Well, God damn her! Damn her to Hell! She shoved Rei aside, backing away as she ran a hand roughly through her hair, her eyes unable to avert themselves from the powerful image of the doll in her brain, the nightmare.

"Pilot Sohryu…" Rei's voice trailed off as comprehension dawned on her face, "I understand now."

"You could never understand," Asuka snarled, rising to her full height, the image of the doll now a memory.

"You're afraid of me."

"What? Afraid of you? Why would I be afraid of you?" Asuka laughed, shaking her head.

"You're afraid of dolls."

"Why would I be afraid of dolls?" Asuka laughed.

"I don't know, but that reason sounds extremely plausible."

"It isn't! It's stupid."

"Be honest with yourself."

"Just shut up! Shut up!" The image of the doll returned to her brain, now accompanied with a second body hanging from the rafters beside it, the two swinging limply back and forth, no longer filled with the breath of life.

"Do you need anything, Pilot Sohryu?" Rei asked, concern in her voice.

"Just shut up! Please!" Asuka fell to her knees, trying to tear her scalp open just so she could rip that image of those two out of her brain. Why was she getting so worked up over this? She was stronger than this! She was way too strong for this stupid emotion!

"Would it be more suitable, Pilot Sohryu, if I adapted a more appropriate personality when around you?"

"What the hell are you babbling about?" Asuka snarled, rising to her feet, glaring hatefully at Rei.

"Asuka? What's wrong?"

This snapped Asuka back to her senses. Standing behind her was Hikari, an ice cream cone in her hands, her eyes suprised, if not downright horrified. Asuka felt, to her horror, tears forming in her eyes. Why was she crying? She had sworn she'd never cry for the rest of her life. She'd never cry. She was too damn strong. Crying was for the weak.

Was she weak?

The next thing she realized, she was lying in a bed, both Hikari and Rei watching her, Hikari concerned and Rei outwardly apathetic. She pushed herself into a sitting position, running a hand through her hair as she felt the large buildup of sweat on her forehead. "Just what happened?"

"You completely broke down in the middle of the street, and then you fainted," Hikari said, her voice shaky, "I was so worried."

"I fainted?"

"Yeah," Hikari replied, "Rei helped me bring you to my house."

Rei had helped Hikari? Probably because she was told to. Probably because Rei had been asked to do it. Asuka glanced over at Rei, who said, in her raspy voice, "Your body was heavier than I had anticipated, Pilot Sohryu."

"Wait, are you calling me fat or something?" Asuka snapped, pushing herself up into a sitting position.

"I think she's returned to her ordinary state," Rei replied, a small note of confidence in her voice.

"Huh?"

"Why were you so dressed up, anyway?" Hikari asked, curiously, "Did you change your mind about the date?"

"Not at all," Asuka replied, frowning.

"It's been approximately three hours since you fainted," Rei replied, checking a watch around her wrist.

"Wait, three hours?" Asuka stammered.

"Yeah, you were completely gone. We even tried dumping water on you." Hikari's skin grew pale as she glanced down at her knuckles, which were clenched around the blanket. "You were mumbling a lot, though. About dolls."

"You also mentioned something about your mom dying," Rei added, that slightest note of emotion in her otherwise soft emotionless voice.

Asuka slumped down onto the bed, and sighed. "What did I say?"

"Uh…" Hikari didn't meet Asuka's eyes. Her expression looked as though she had walked into something she private, something she should not have seen.

"What did I say?"

Despite Hikari not looking up, Rei responded in her place. "You mentioned that, in your mother's heart, you were replaced by a doll. Not in those words, exactly, but that was the meaning."

"Anything else?"

"You mentioned," Hikari said, softly, "your mother wanting to…to…"

"Die?"

"Yes," Hikari said, glancing down, "I had no idea that's what you had to go through. I'm sorry."

So now everyone knew? So now everyone knew her secret? That figured. She didn't want anyone to know. It didn't matter to her. That was all behind her now. She didn't need to dwell on that, right? Then again, if she didn't need to dwell on it, then how come she had been seeing that image in her brain every day for years?

"Is that why you find me disagreeable?" Rei asked, looking at Asuka intensely, "Because I remind you of that incident?"

Asuka slowly nodded.

"I see." Rei rose to her feet, glancing down at Asuka. Was that sympathy in her eyes? "Pilot Sohryu, is there anything I can do for you?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Do you need a glass of water?"

"Huh?"

"Or food?"

"Come again?"

Rei's expression was intense. This was shocking. Asuka had always assumed the lacked the ability to display any sort of emotion. Nevertheless, she looked so determined and all. Asuka sighed, and said, "Sure. Water's fine."

"I'll be right back," Rei replied before leaving the room.

The moment Rei had left, Hikari turned back to Asuka. "She was really worried about you, you know."

"Really?"

"I had told her that she could go home if she really wanted to, but she refused," Hikari replied, "Not to mention that she pretty much was just waiting the entire time for you to open your eyes. She insisted that you were strong enough to wake up."

Rei had been worried over her? Asuka had someone else cater to her? Worried about her? Asuka sighed. Rei probably didn't care about her as a person so much as her skills as a pilot. Her mind didn't quite work the same way others did. Still, on the off-chance, no, the impossible chance, that Rei had actually been concerned for her, as a person, then maybe, just maybe, Asuka had misjudged her.

Of course, she'd need to do more than just get her a glass of water to prove that she actually gave a damn about her.

"Asuka, maybe you should talk to that psychologist about your breakdown," Hikari recommended.

"What?"

"It would do you some good, I think. It would get a lot off your shoulders."

"Maybe…"

After thirty minutes, Asuka had left Hikari's house and was walking down the street toward her house, Rei silently at her side. She didn't know what to say to that blue haired girl. That shrink had told her to try understanding Rei a little better, but right now, she was just more confused. Rei was a doll, right? Then why was she showing enough concern for her to walk her home?

"This is your stop, Pilot Sohryu," Rei replied, stopping abruptly before the apartment complex, "Do you want me to walk you—"

"No thanks," she interrupted, "I'm fine."

"I see."

"Rei?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

The blue haired girl's expression changed suddenly from emotionless to suddenly embarrassed, blush running up her cheeks, before her lips slowly curled into a thin, fragile smile. This was the first time Asuka had ever before seen Rei display such a powerful positive emotion. Never before had she smiled, period!

"This is the expression I was told would be suitable for such an occasion," Rei replied, turning around as she still wore that sheepish smile.

So she was just a programmed doll nonetheless! Programmed to smile when the occasion called for it. Still, she couldn't help but feel her own smile come out.

As Rei descended into the dark depths of the street, Asuka ascended the stairway illuminated by cheap lamps until she reached the apartment. She unlocked the door, and waltzed right into the room. The sound of the cello filled the room, at which the sweet song echoed into her eardrums. She found the music pleasant, if not beautiful. It was almost melancholy, and soothed her nerves, made her feel as though she were one with the world around her.

Trying not to interrupt the beautiful music, she made her way gently toward the living room, where Shinji played note after note of music that he had clearly rehearsed and replayed several times in the past, practicing just like he was now, flawlessly.

Finally, as the piece concluded, she began to applaud. He deserved credit where credit was due, after all. He turned around to look at her as she said, impressed, "That's really good."

"Thanks, I guess," he replied.

"Never knew you knew how to play the, uh…"

"Cello."

"Right. Never knew you could play that."

"Well, my teacher had recommended I learned how to play the cello when I was five, so I decided to try. I haven't gotten much better, but no one told me to stop, so…"

So he was also programmed to obey orders? That just figured. "That's not a good enough reason."

"So why are you back so soon?"

"Huh?" It was only then that she remembered that she had told Shinji she had actually gone on that date. Why did she tell him that, anyway? She couldn't even remember anymore. Ah well, she'd just make up a story, as usual.

"Well, we went to an amusement park, but he was just so boring. I mean, he was handsome and all, but just so stupid and just not my taste. So on the line to ferris wheel, I went to the bathroom, and didn't go back."

His expression was clearly unimpressed. "That's a little cruel."

Well, what did you expect for such a stupid lie, anyway?

Asuka took a seat, thinking silently about what had happened over the past couple of days. She couldn't forget her breakdown so quickly. She had just completely fallen apart in front of Hikari and Rei. She knew Hikari would keep it to herself, and she only hoped Rei didn't mention anything about it. Still, what if someone else had seen that?

"Is something wrong?"

Asuka glanced over at Shinji. He was concerned about her. Asuka was too tired by this point to really care about things like pride or anything of that sort. Without that in the way, she couldn't deny he was kinda cute—

What was she thinking!?

"Uh, you have no idea," Asuka mumbled, her head falling on her forearms.

There was no denying it. She just wanted to touch him. That was all. She didn't want to love him or anything like that. Just a quick poke, or to feel his skin. That was all. Nothing major or important. It wasn't like she liked him or had a crush at all.

Why was her heart beating so hard.

She distracted herself by focusing on the TV, but she was interrupted from that when the phone rang. Shinji answered it. After a moment of conversing, he hung up, and informed Asuka that Misato was drinking with Kaji.

She felt her stomach twist. Misato and Kaji? She felt a chill run up her spine as she realized that maybe, just maybe, she was being replaced with that beer guzzling sexaholic. Still, maybe she was wrong. They were at a wedding, or something like that.

In order to cover for her anxiety, she informed Shinji that they weren't coming home any time soon.

Still, now that the phone had torn her away from the TV, she couldn't focus on anything other than that idiot in the corner, who had abandoned his cello and was now just sitting there, bored. She needed him, she wanted him. She didn't understand why or what she was thinking. She didn't actually like him, right? Not at all. He was just an idiot. An immature pervert. Not worthy of her beauty. Not at all.

Besides, she couldn't let that stupid shrink be right! Not now!

Still, she just needed to touch him, somehow. How could she get him to comply? She couldn't just go up and kiss him or something, right?

And then the plan formed itself in her brain in one swift go.

"Hey, do you wanna kiss?"

As expected, the idiot glanced up at that mention, a look of confusion on his face. "What?"

"You know. Kiss."

"But why?"

"We don't have anything else to do."

"That's not a good reason to kiss."

Why the hell was he being so damn resistant, anyway? After all, it was just a damn peck. Nothing major. "Why? Are you afraid to kiss someone on the anniversary of your mother's death?" That was hitting a little below the belt, even by her standards. She made sure the next one had a bit less sting, but would prove a little more effective. "Or are you just scared."

"I'm not scared! Pucker up."

Perfect! Best way to get to a man was to attack their manhood. She cheered inside her heart. She shouldn't be this enthusiastic after all. She was just kissing this idiot because she wanted to touch him. That's all. Nothing else. "Did you brush your teeth?"

"Yes."

"Well, here I come."

She approached the idiot, feeling her heart race against her chest. She felt anxious, wanting to just hold him, to embrace him now. Funny how clear her mind was. Now that she was this close to kissing him, that image from before, the image of her and Shinji embracing each other, was clear. Now she could reach that beautiful fantasy, that amazing dream.

"Your breath is tickling me," she noted, almost as though to explain her momentary hesitation. She pinched his nose between her fingers, and, suddenly, locked lips with him.

She felt a surge fill her body. She felt a tingle run up her entire body as she enthusiastically smooched him, filling his mouth with her tongue. She felt life fill her, felt energy invigorate her body, her veins pulsating powerfully as the moments passed. Yes, this was what she wanted! She felt ecstasy fill her body in waves.

But something was missing.

Why the hell was that idiot not touching her back? She continued kissing. Maybe he was surprised. Granted, she could understand that minor detail. Surely he was just taken aback, that was all. As the seconds passed, she felt her heart race with anxiety. Why wasn't he touching her? Why the hell wasn't he holding her? Why the hell wasn't he even doing anything?!

Finally, he tore his mouth from hers, gasping for air. It was almost as though it had been painful for him to go through with it. But she couldn't cry twice in the same day. She wouldn't cry twice in the same day. She sprinted off in the opposite direction, lying about how disgusting that kiss had been, praying that her façade would hold up long enough for her to hide her tears.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part Four**

"You want to play some Rummy?"

"I don't care about that stupid game."

She didn't care about the damn game. She didn't care about any of that anymore. All that the Second Child thought of was that idiot's mouth around hers, his arms at his side, not even making an attempt to embrace her, to hold her, to make her feel wanted. Why the hell did no one ever try to go out of their way to make her feel wanted? Why the hell did they always just ignore her? Why the God damn hell didn't they care!?

"I thought you loved winning," Dr. Tamako replied, frowning slightly.

"I don't feel in the mood, alright?" Asuka snarled, angrily.

"Oh, okay." The shrink folded her hands on her desk as she glanced down at a random notepad. She remained quiet for a moment or two before saying, softly, "Did you talk to Shinji?"

"Who gives a damn about that stupid bastard anyway?!" Asuka rose to her feet, her temple pulsating painfully as her fists clenched, her eyes wild.

Dr. Tamako flinched, almost as though Asuka had thrown a punch at her. However, after her recoil, she said, softly, "Did you talk to him?"

"I told you I don't give a damn about him!" she snarled, falling onto the recliner, running her nails down her scalp. She wanted to rip that idiot's face from her brain. Rip it out of her conscious mind so she could tear it to pieces in her hands. Tear it into so many pieces so that she'd never be able to put them together.

"Asuka, listen. I know you'll feel better if you just get this off your chest," Dr. Tamako said, her face pale.

"There's nothing to say!"

"Yes there is. Look at yourself for a second. You're breaking apart in front of me. You're screaming over someone you said you didn't care about. I can even see tears in your eyes."

"I'm not crying!" Asuka snarled, brushing aside salty drops of water from the corner of her eyes.

"Please, do yourself a favor and just tell me," Dr. Tamako said, her voice trembling now. What was she worried about? Why the hell was she so concerned, anyway? Who cared that that idiot had ignored her like he did? Hadn't even bothered touching her? Hadn't even bothered to kiss her back!

"I don't want to talk about that spineless bastard!" she repeated, "He doesn't even bother to touch me. Why should I give a damn about him?"

"Touch you?" Dr. Tamako asked.

Had she said that aloud? Had she let that slip? Asuka wanted to rip herself out of her skin, wanting to tear her flesh apart by hand. She gripped her arms, squeezing them, shaking with fury. She couldn't take it any more. She just couldn't take it! She was losing her mind. She wanted to just escape, to run out of her skin and extend out into the edges of eternity.

"You don't mean have sex, do you?"

Asuka shook her head, feeling tears run down her cheeks. She was so filled with fury that she didn't even try to brush them aside. If she let go of her arms, stopped the squeezing and scratching, she would have been swallowed up by anxiety and strangled herself with her fury. "No, I just wanted to touch him. I ended up kissing him."

"Kissing him? How did that work out?"

"I asked him if he wanted to kiss me."

"Out of the blue?"

"Yes. I told him I was bored and there was nothing else to do. He was anxious. I just edged him on, told him he was afraid. And that got him edged up, and we got close."

"Then what?"

Why was she spilling her guts to that damn shrink like this? Why was she so open? But, as though a great dam had been shattered and had allowed water to spill out uncontrolled, she couldn't hold back her confession. "I hesitated, and his breath was tickling me. So I held his nose shut and kissed him."

"Did it feel good?"

"It was magnificent. I was just so happy. Happier than I have been in a long time. But he didn't do anything. He didn't kiss back. He didn't even bother holding me! He didn't try touching me! And then he pulled away gasping for air!"

"How did you respond?"

"I went away. I didn't face him. I didn't even look at him. I just couldn't let him see me…see me…see me…" Her face fell into her hands as tears spilled from her eyes. She hadn't cried in so long. She hadn't let others see her cry for years. No, this wasn't true. There was before with Hikari and Rei, when she had fainted. That seemed so insignificant now. So small and petty. Hikari had told her to confess this to the shrink, but that would have to be saved for another day.

Besides, right now, there was no room in her heart for anything else than rejection.

"He loves you, you know."

Asuka glanced up at Dr. Tamako as she lowered her gaze to her eyes. Love her? That idiot loved her? Hell, he didn't even love himself! Was that damn shrink just trying to pacify her? To make her happier? To cheer her up? Well, damn her! Damn her stupid help! Damn her stupid session! Damn everything about her!

"How could he love me when he doesn't even love himself?!"

Dr. Tamako's face was paper white. She ran a hand through her hair, anxiously. Obviously, she had spoken out of line. "Look, I can't tell you anything that he told me. Nor can I tell him anything you tell me. It's against the law. But I can interpret everything from what you told me. For one, I think he was suffocating, and because he had trouble breathing, he couldn't just—"

"Are you telling me that he told you that he loved me?" Asuka asked, her voice shaking.

Dr. Tamako didn't meet her eyes still, but finally, very slowly, said, "I'm sorry. I can't tell you."

"Can't or won't?"

"I can't. It's illegal. You need to figure that out on your own."

Asuka felt her heart race against her ribs as she rose to her feet. If that idiot loved her, why the hell didn't he just say it? Was he a damn coward? Was he afraid of what she'd say? That idiot just couldn't admit his own feelings to anyone, could he? But then she remembered how many times she had insulted him, or called him stupid, or called him weak, or any one of the colorful insults she had dealt upon him. Obviously he'd be afraid to tell her anything. Asuka had never given the idiot a chance.

She collapsed onto the armchair, holding her head in her hands as she mumbled, anxiously, "It's my fault, isn't it? I scared him off, didn't I?"

"I don't think he understood your feelings, either," Dr. Tamako replied, a frown on her face.

"Why wouldn't he? No one just asks for a kiss out of the blue."

"Well, think of it this way. Shinji relies on the opinions of others to make him feel important. You called him a coward, so, in order to improve your opinion of him, and thus his own importance, he went with what you said. And when you held his nose, he couldn't focus on the kiss because he was struggling to breathe. It's that simple. It had nothing to do with him rejecting you. It was all a struggle to him."

"A struggle?"

"A struggle to breathe. A struggle to get you to appreciate him. And a struggle with his own insecurities. I'm sure if you didn't hold his nose, he would have embraced you after a moment or two."

"So what you're saying is that it's my fault he didn't hold me?!" Asuka snarled.

"No, what I'm saying is that you have to understand that he didn't hold you for reason you might not of considered."

"I get it," Asuka finally responded, running an anxious hand through her hair, realizing that it was easier to control her body than it had been before.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm better."

"I see. Look, do you want anything? Like water?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay, well, out of curiosity, given the chance to kiss Shinji again, would you?"

"Yes."

"Well, the hint next time is not to squeeze his nose shut, alright?" Dr. Tamako replied.

Asuka left the room, only to find both Misato and Kaji, along with that idiot and Rei, waiting for her. She averted her gaze from the two adults. When Misato and Kaji had returned from drinking, Asuka smelt Misato's perfume on Kaji's clothes. This made it painstakingly clear, now more than ever, that Kaji was lost to her. Well, as crushing as that was, it wasn't nearly as crushing as that idiot.

Still, she couldn't make eye contact.

Rather, she looked at her two comrades, and watched as Rei rose to her feet, and said, in her hoarse voice, "Your eyes are red, Pilot Sohryu."

"It's nothing," Asuka said, "Allergic reaction, I think…"

That idiot hadn't responded at all. Rather, he had his ears plugged up with that stupid tape player. Asuka approached him, and ripped the plugs from his ears. He glanced up, a stunned expression on his stupid face. "Why did you do that?"

"Why? Because a boy like you should pay more attention to the more graceful, prettier things in life. Like me."

Why was she talking to that idiot? Why did she depend on his acknowledgement of her, anyway? Was she just as bad as he was, depending on other's views in order to survive? Well, was she?

A day passed. A second day passed. As the sun rose and set, Asuka waited for Shinji to show a sign of regret, a chance to try kissing her again, to apologize for not touching her, to explain that he couldn't breathe during that smooch. And yet, each night, Asuka fell to her bed, her eyes screwed up as she swore that tomorrow would be the day that she heard the words she wanted to hear. And, naturally, tomorrow would come and she'd swear that the next day would be the day.

"Hey, are you okay?" Hikari asked as school was wrapping up after a week of Asuka's inner turmoil.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine."

"Doesn't have to do with a that breakdown, right?"

"No, it doesn't. It's just…"

"Just what?" Hikari's face was curious for a moment before realization dawned upon her face, "Oh! It isn't a crush, is it?"

Asuka sighed, in defeat. "Alright. I admit it. It is."

"Wow, I expected more of a struggle," Hikari replied.

"Did you?"

"Yeah. Well, who is it? Can I guess?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"Is it that cute upper—"

"Wrong."

"What about that one guy in our class, the guy with that long hair—"

"Try again."

"Kensuke?"

"No."

"Wait, I know! It's Shinji, isn't it!"

"Try—wait, how did you figure that one out?" Asuka replied, glancing up in mild surprise.

"I was only guessing!" Hikari stammered, blushing deep red, "But you guys do live together, so it makes sense I suppose."

"Yeah, well, I guess it would, wouldn't it?"

"Still, I can't believe you like him. You're always making fun of him. Were you in denial or something?"

"Maybe."

"Well, do you need my help?" Hikari asked.

"No, that's fine. I think I'll try by myself." Asuka walked off, hands behind her head, as Hikari followed, a look of keen interest in her eyes.

"So when and how did you figure this out?"

"About a week ago."

"After you left my house?"

"Yeah."

"What did you do when you found out?"

Asuka remembered the kiss. Sure, it had been utterly unromantic in every sense of the word, but she couldn't help but blush deep scarlet as she recalled the desire, the pleasure, of locking lips with him. Hikari also blushed, but not because she was recalling an embarrassing memory so much as piecing together the reasons why Asuka was blushing so deeply.

"You didn't kiss him, did you?" Hikari asked, her voice hushed so only Asuka could hear.

She nodded, silently

The reaction was instantaneous. Hikari's mouth accelerated into motion, speaking faster than Asuka had ever seen her freckled friend speak before. "Wait a second! You kissed him? For real? How did it feel? Was it special? Was it grand? Did he hug you tight? Does he know you like him? How did you get him to kiss you? You didn't walk up to him and smooch him randomly, did you? Did you French Kiss him or was it just a peck. Did you—"

"That idiot didn't even hold me," Asuka complained, throwing her nose into the air, "Personally, he was a very lousy kisser."

"He was probably so badly in shock he couldn't react."

"Plus I was holding his nose shut."

"That would do it, I suppose."

"What would do what?"

Asuka jumped into the air as Rei appeared behind the two of them. Jesus, just where did she come from, anyway? Popping out of nowhere like a ghost or something. Hikari, however, had a less pronounced reaction, perhaps because she was distracted by her curiosity over Asuka's story.

"What's up, Rei?"

"Pilot Sohryu, do you remember that we have Synch Tests today?" Rei asked, her voice hoarse as usual.

"Oh, forgot about that," Asuka admitted, "Do we have to go now?"

"Yes. Now."

"Alright. I'll see you later, Hikari."

"See you later, Asuka!"

Rei guided Asuka away from Hikari, and into the doorway where both Shinji and Misato were waiting for them. Asuka didn't look at either of them. That bitch Misato had taken Kaji, and that idiot had ruined her first kiss. She didn't owe those two anything. Still, right now, she'd take the lesser of two evils.

"So, Misato, I guess we have to go now?"

"Yeah. Actually, we're running a little late, so hurry up," Misato said, guiding them to her car, which looked brand new.

"Wow, you got a new car?" Shinji asked, surprised. Asuka wanted to ever so delicately inform him that even a dirt poor drunken slut like Misato would at least be able to afford fixing her car after her promotion, or, as it appeared, buy a new car that looked nearly identical to the original one.

"Yeah, well, don't worry about that. It was actually a gift," Misato said, blushing as she opened the driver's seat door.

"From Kaji?" Asuka asked, gloomily.

"Yeah, actually," Misato replied, shutting the door behind her as the children piled into the back three seats. Asuka found herself sitting next to Shinji, who sat in the center seat.

The car ride there was momentary, but Asuka would have preferred it to take less time. She already knew what was going to happen. She would beat Shinji, who would beat Rei, who would be at the bottom of the pole. Always the same, invariable. There wasn't a big surprise about that or anything.

The moment Ritsuko saw them, she smiled. That idiot was the one who had carted them off to shrinks in the first place. Asuka still wasn't happy about that. Not one damn bit. Nevertheless, she stripped naked, placed the skintight plug suit over her body, and walked into the entry plug where the test began.

After a moment of silence, of integration, of everything of that sort that could not be defined by ordinary descriptions alone, Ritsuko's voice acknowledged them that they had done enough. She cleaned the LCL off of her body, not looking at her two comrades, before Ritsuko and Maya walked in on them, again, as they were half naked.

"Well, this certainly was interesting," Ritsuko said, smiling.

"What was so interesting?" Shinji asked, interested.

"Well, for starters, Rei and Shinji's synchronization rate skyrocketed. Asuka, yours did increase significantly, but the other two increased extraordinarily."

"So what does that mean?" Asuka asked, noting that her heart was racing in her chest. Was she nervous? Afraid? That wasn't possible. She was the best. It was that simple. The best at everything, the best pilot. Perfect!

"Well, what that means is that, Asuka, Shinji's synchronization rate actually excelled five percent beyond yours."


	5. Chapter 5

**Part Five**

"This isn't happening! This just isn't happening!"

It had to be a nightmare. A dream. Something foul and wicked in the back of her brain. Something horrific and devious. All of this! It couldn't be real. The fact is that she could never, ever, be bested by that stupid, weak, idiot!

Asuka Langley Sohryu pounded into the nearby locker, the metal physically bending under her brute force. She wanted to bash it down, bash it into itself, completely bash it to pieces. In fact, she just wanted to bash the entire world in, bash that stupid idiot's face in, bash Ritsuko, bash the damn computers that made that damn miscalculations (it had to be a miscalculation. There was no way he was better than her!), and then there'd be no one left to tell her she wasn't the greatest anymore.

"Pilot Sohryu."

Asuka swirled on her feet to see Rei looking back at her, a slight note of concern in her otherwise apathetic face. Was she here to pity her? To tell her it was alright and comfort her? Well, she didn't need sympathy! Not in the least!

"I don't want your stupid pity," Asuka snarled, squeezing her fists tightly.

"I wasn't going to give it," Rei replied, her hoarse voice soft and gentle.

"Then what were you here for?"

"Advice."

"Save it."

"It would do you good to hear it. What do you have to gain from being the best?"

Asuka laughed. "Just because you're at the bottom of the barrel doesn't mean that I should be happy about that. I am still the best. This was just a fluke!"

"Well, according to the tests, our scores increased greatly while yours didn't. I wonder why?"

Asuka knew what the reason was without even thinking of it. It had to be the damn shrink. That was the reason for all of it. Still, regardless of that, she couldn't accept it. She couldn't give Dr. Tamako the satisfaction of knowing she could help her. No, she'd handle this matter as she had all her life: by herself, on her own.

Rei was about to say something else, perhaps to add onto her speech, when the intercom rang out into the air. Misato's voice shouted out words that word have ordinarily sent adrenaline pumping through Asuka's veins, but, as they were now full of leaden fury, she felt nothing but fury.

"Guys! There's a new angel!"

"Alright, whatever," Asuka snarled.

She took a few seconds to gear up before approaching her Eva. She couldn't believe how she could be beaten like that. She couldn't get that idiot's smiling face out of her brain, out of her mind. To think she had been thinking of things like kisses only an hour before, worried over something stupid and petty like that. Well, that idiot could forget the possibility of a second kiss right now, she guaranteed that.

Before she knew it, they were on the surface, geared in their great monstrous machines, wielding weapons of massive proportions. Still, as each Eva ducked for cover behind the skyscrapers, Asuka could tell she had never seen an Angel quite as weird as this one. It was a perfect sphere levitating in the air, strange white stripes that resembled a fingerprint wrapped around its surface. The entire thing gave Asuka a strange chill for a reason she could not comprehend.

"Is that an Angel?" The sound of that idiot Shinji's voice made Asuka sick. Not just sick, but furious.

"Well, we haven't confirmed that yet, but consider it your target, the Twelfth Angel." Misato's voice disgusted her too, just for taking Kaji.

"So what should we do?" Shinji asked.

"Wait until we have an idea what this Angel's capabilities are," Misato replied.

Wait? That wasn't happening. Still, she needed to figure out what that Angel's powers were. Ordinarily, she'd leap at the Angel headlong and attack, but she wasn't in the mood for that. No, this strange angel might have some bizarre ability or something like that. She didn't know why this angel was so bone chilling for her. Well, that didn't matter. She just needed to send a decoy out to provoke it into attacking.

And what better decoy then their number one?

"Well, why don't we have the invincible Shinji go off to attack that itty bitty angel?" Asuka goaded at Unit 01.

"What?" That idiot replied in his stupid high voice.

"Well, you're the best, right? I'm sure you could kill that damn angel, can't you?"

"Asuka, the orders are—"

"Ah, you're just a stupid coward."

"I'm not a coward!"

Perfect.

Unit 01 rushed around the building, firing his oversized pistol straight into the depths of the gigantic sphere in the air. The moment the bullets collided, the sphere dematerialized completely.

"It's an Angel!" Asuka heard one of the assistances on the loudspeakers in her machines shout. Well, Asuka could assume it was an Angel from the beginning. Did they always have to state the obvious?

Beneath Unit 01, the ground grew dark. Asuka watched in shock as the buildings began to sink into the dark depths of oblivion before her. Unit 01, to Asuka's shock, slowly began to descend into the darkness, as though he were sinking in quicksand. Unit 01 fired bullet after bullet into the dark depths, but that proved useless. That idiot, the Third Child, Shinji, was screaming to high heaven in sheer terror as he sank into the depths of darkness, before any of them could do anything.

No.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. That idiot couldn't have died. He couldn't have. Asuka was about to dive into the dark depths to grab him when Misato ordered them to fallback.

"But—"

"Unit 01 and Shinji are still in there," Rei replied, concerned.

"This is an order! Retreat!"

The following amount of time went slowly. Useless terms and statistics were stated that left no lasting impression in Asuka's mind, despite her understanding what they meant completely. What she took from the descriptions of this Angel was that this freak had Shinji in some sort of dimension inside of itself, and that he was trapped within the Twelfth Angel.

And it was all her fault.

If she hadn't tricked Shinji into jumping headlong into the fray, none of this would have happened. She wanted to see that idiot get out of there for her own good. It was her fault, all her fault! She couldn't endure that. She wouldn't endure the knowledge that, had she not been such a bitch, not been so arrogant, Shinji would have still been here with her.

So it wasn't her fault. She had to blame Shinji. After all, he didn't need to listen to her complaining. He could have obeyed orders, right? And not been such a cocky bastard, right? Right?

"Good grief! Taking matters into his own hands, ignoring the plan. Honestly, talk about getting what he deserved. Just because he got a little better score on those tests, he was going to show me how it's done?! What a big-headed idiot!"

She felt someone breathe on the back of her neck, at which she turned around to see Rei glaring at her. Why was she so angry? What did she have to complain about? "What? Is my bad-mouthing of Shinji that much of a problem for you?!"

"Tell me, do you pilot Eva just for the praise of others?"

She had replied to that with some smart comment, but even then, she knew that Rei was 100 correct. That was the reason. She depended on other people's opinions of her to survive. She depended on hearing them congratulating her, on telling her good job and patting her on the back. That's all. Without that, she had nothing. Absolutely nothing whatsoever. She wasn't any better than that damn idiot, was she?

At the thought of Shinji, her mind returned to the dark depths of oblivion once more, at which she internalized her emotions, not letting anyone else see how she felt. She couldn't let them see. Not now.

Hours later, Misato called her and Rei into the Command Center. Her face was grim, her lips thin, and her expression intense with a note of melancholy. This did not bode well.

"So did you figure out a way to save Shinji?" Asuka asked, trying to control the note of despair in her voice.

"The plan is to drop every N2 mine we have into the Angel's body, while your AT Fields control the mass. We think we'll be able to salvage Unit 01."

"What about Pilot Ikari?" Rei asked, her soft, hoarse voice also intense.

Misato did not answer, but rather said, "The orders are already in place. Get ready."

Did that mean they were giving up on him? Going to let him die? Was he already dead to them? Just replaceable? Well, that should be a good thing for Asuka, right? Now she was Number One again, right? Why did that knowledge not cheer her up whatsoever? Why did she feel so empty, so vacant all over again? Why did she feel so alone?

Once more, the image of a young girl waiting outside a plate of glass as she watched her mother stroking a doll emerged in her mind's eye. But she didn't react with anxiety or fear, or sorrow. She was too overwhelmed to do anything other than walk to her Eva, and board it.

The moment she emerged on the surface, she saw the now massive black see of darkness that was the Angel, and the large sphere drifting above it. She wanted to shoot that damned ball, but knew that the ball itself was not truly the Angel. The black sea was. She walked to the shore of the darkness, and waited, patiently, Rei opposite her, as the multitude of jets soared above them, filled with N2 mines.

They were really going to do it. They were really going to blow Shinji to Kingdom Come. She gripped the controls tightly. She prayed for a miracle. For something to happen. Something miraculous to come so that Shinji would be safe.

And then it happened.

There was a bulge emerging within the gigantic sphere in the sky. Asuka looked to the sky as the surface of the sphere snapped open, releasing a torrent of blood! She stared on in horror as a pair of claws wrenched apart the sphere angel's side, a gash large enough for Eva Unit 01's head to emerge, drenched and sodden with blood as it roared like a monstrous fiend into the air, like a demon from the deepest pits of Hell.

"My God, is that what I'm piloting…?"

She couldn't believe it. This wasn't Shinji. This wasn't him at all. Was this the will of Unit 01? No, that wasn't possible. It was just a machine, right? It didn't have a will, right? But, as the beast leapt onto the depths of the dark see, which shattered to pieces upon impact, the sight of the machine's deep white eyes burned into the back of her head.

However, as the Angel disappeared into a smear of blood, the Eva's eyes became bleak, and his body collapsed to the ground.

The events that followed went by slowly and yet it felt as though the moment the events had occurred they had ended. They had first taken Shinji out of Unit 01. Asuka was excited to see he was still in one piece. However, he was unconscious, and had thus been taken to the medical ward in order to recover. After some time of waiting (most of the time Asuka was waiting outside of the room, too embarrassed to be the first thing Shinji saw when he woke up), the idiot woke up from his coma.

Rei, who had been waiting at his bedside, had walked out of the room, and said, gently, "Go in."

"Sure, whatever," Asuka replied, hiding her jubilation within herself. She walked into the room, and plopped herself onto the side of Shinji's bed. "Feeling better?"

"I think so."

"So what happened in there?"

"I don't really know."

"You went completely berserk."

"I wasn't in control."

"Then what was?"

"I have no idea."

"I see. That's freaky."

"Hey, Asuka?"

"Yeah? What is it?"

"About before, with the tests…"

Asuka had almost forgotten that Shinji had beaten her. She sighed, "You just had to go and remind me of that, did you?"

"I'm sorry."

"What?! You're apologizing for winning? Grow a damn backbone," Asuka snarled, rushing to her feet, "Damn, can't you just be like everyone else and brag a little about how good you're doing? Or be proud of it at least? I won't be beaten by someone who isn't excited about victory."

At that, she left him alone to stare at her, a tad confused.

After that, it took a mere day for them to be driven right back to Dr. Tamako. Naturally, Shinji spent the most time there because of his accident. Rei and Asuka were alone for some time before Rei broke the silence.

"Regarding my comment to you while Shinji was gone," Rei replied, "I apologize if you found it offensive."

"Its no problem," Asuka replied, "You were right. Nothing to apologize about."

Rei showed the faintest hint of gratitude. Had she been beating herself up over something as trivial as that? Well, she certainly had more emotion than Asuka had ever given her credit for.

"The doctor will see Asuka now," the secretary said as Shinji walked out of the office, a relieved expression on his face.

"Right," Asuka replied, pushing herself up, and walking past Shinji. There was a hint of a smile on her face as she walked down the hallway and into the office.

"Ah! Asuka! How're you feeling?" Dr. Tamako asked, smiling thinly.

"Fine, I guess," Asuka said, throwing herself into the recliner.

"Fine? That's perfect," Dr. Tamako replied, smiling, "Quite a day, huh? Yesterday, I mean."

"It was pretty stressful, I admit."

"Were you worried about your husband to be?"

"Will you cut that out?"

"Nah! It's just so cute and sweet!"

"There is nothing going on between us."

"That's not what you told me last time."

"Will you shut up about that!?" Asuka stammered, blushing deep red.

"Nope!" Dr. Tamako replied with a grin, "You're just a match made in heaven, you two are."

"What do you mean by that? He's spineless!"

"Well, the way I see it, you both depend on other's opinions entirely."

Asuka felt a knife stab straight into her heart. How did she know? How did she figure it out before Asuka figured it out? Was she that easy to read? Dr. Tamako smiled thinly as she continued, "Well, Asuka, I'm sure your relationship with Shinji is progressing smoothly, but there is something else on your mind, isn't there?"

She nodded, truthfully.

"You lost, didn't you?"

"I was beaten once! It was a fluke! It won't happen again."

"Listen, Asuka, I want you to do something until our next session," Dr. Tamako said.

"What?"

"I want you to look at the people around you, and I want you to see if they treat you any different than they used to treat you now that you've lost to Shinji," Dr. Tamako replied.

"But my friends don't know about that," Asuka replied.

"Then tell them," Dr. Tamako replied.

"But what if I lose Hikari?"

"Hikari?"

"She's a really good friend of mine."

"I'm sure if she loves you, she won't just abandon you over something as insignificant as a synch test. I'm sure you'll be fine. Now, please tell me next session if you see even the smallest difference in how people treat you. I don't think they'll even care. People who love you only for how good you are aren't worth being your friends. Now, how about some Rummy?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Part Six**

"Hey, Hikari."

Hikari glanced over her shoulder to see Asuka approaching her, her head down in shame. Her eyes displayed concern as she approached, anxiously, "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"I guess," Asuka replied, taking a seat next to her.

"You don't sound right. Are you sure you're okay?"

Of course she wasn't okay. She wanted to inform Hikari just how not okay she was at the moment. For one, she wanted to touch Shinji. The drive was so powerful that she could barely contain it behind her façade, and even it was a struggle. She really did love him, she had figured out, not just a crush or a passing fancy. But even more important, more horrible than that, was that she had been beaten. She had failed, and she had devoted her entire life to success. After all, if she wasn't someone, no one would acknowledge her. She prayed to God that Hikari wouldn't reject her.

"You know those Synchronization tests we have to take all the time?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah. What about them?"

"Do you know how I usually win all the time?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, yesterday, um, Shinji…"

"He beat you, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did," Asuka muttered, softly so that only Hikari would hear her.

"Aw, that stinks," Hikari replied, frowning slightly, "Sorry. That must stink, huh?"

"It does," Asuka said, waiting patiently for the moment where Hikari left her, unwilling to spend time with a loser like her. A failure.

"Well, the way I see it, at least now you can try harder to beat him, right?" Hikari said.

Asuka glanced back at Hikari, an eyebrow raised. Was she giving her advice to win? Was she lessening the blow? Hikari frowned again as she said, "I know that meant a lot to you, right? Being the best?"

"It meant everything," Asuka sighed, lowering her head in shame again. Why wasn't Hikari rejecting her? Why wasn't she getting up and leaving her? No one wanted to associate with a loser like her. She was better off just keeping it a secret between the Pilots, although surely that idiot would have told his idiot friends about this!

"I'm sorry. I really am," Hikari said, putting an arm around Asuka's shoulder, "I mean, I don't know how it feels to have something like that happen to me. It must be terrible."

"I wouldn't be surprised if you just went off and left me," Asuka sighed.

"Why would I do that?" Hikari asked, a tad confused.

"Because no one wants to be around a loser like me."

"So because you lost once you're a loser?"

"Basically."

"That's stupid."

Was she calling her entire philosophy on life stupid? Was she calling the method of which she had lived every waking moment of her existence stupid? Well, was she? The fact of the matter was that this attention she was receiving, to actually receive criticism for her philosophies, which normally would have hurt her and offended her, now sent a charge of joy through her heart.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? Well, for one thing, you aren't a loser if you don't win all the time," Hikari said, frowning, "No one's perfect. For another thing, the fact is that you beat Shinji at every one of these tests since the beginning, so you've certainly been the champion for awhile."

"I guess."

"Wait, I'm not done yet! Number three, it doesn't matter if you can win or not. You are still a great person, even if you don't win all the time."

A great person? What did she have to offer other than her abilities as a pilot? Asuka had always depended one hundred percent on her piloting abilities to survive, to identify herself. That much she had figured out on her own since that Angel battle. Since Shinji was swallowed up.

Asuka fell onto Hikari, hugging her tightly. Hikari, obviously surprised by her reaction, replied in the only way she could think of replying: hugging her back. They sat there for what had to be at most fifteen seconds, simply hugging. Hikari's embrace was warm, soothing, if not completely enthralling. Asuka didn't wish for her to let go, in fact only wishing for the warmth from her friend's arms to wrap her up and consume her entirely.

Their moment was interrupted quite abruptly, however, as that idiot's friend Toji shouted, "Class Rep, I don't know if it's such a good idea to be in such close contact with that Demon."

"Will you shut up?!" snarled Asuka, rising to her feet. Hikari didn't respond, but rather glanced at her toes, blushing deep red.

Toji shrugged her off as he mumbled, "How Shinji can live with you is beyond me."

Asuka wanted to slug him, but was prevented by the arrival of Rei, who chose to specifically walk right between the two of them. By the time she crossed, the urge to slug Toji had passed. Instead, Asuka threw herself into her seat, angrily, and brooded silently.

As class passed, she paid attention to the rest of her surroundings. Nothing was different. Hikari still occasionally sent her texts through their laptops, despite her trying to maintain a good example as class rep. Rei still looked out the window abysmally, occasionally glancing at the surrounding people, including Asuka and Shinji. Shinji still maintained his shy glances to the side, paying attention mostly to the laptop with a dull expression on his face. The teacher was still as boring as only God knew what. In fact, it felt like another day, as though the world around her didn't care that she had lost.

Would it be the same if they all knew about her failure? Would they be so boringly the same if they knew about her defeat? Her loss? She doubted it. Sure, Hikari told her otherwise, but that was Hikari. She was Asuka's friend. Surely she was just being nice.

And then the doctor's words reverberated through her brain. The words about how a true friend would love her for her qualities as a person and not just the fact that she was good at piloting. Was that true? Could that be the truth and not just a myth? Not just a lie? A façade? She prayed it was the case. She prayed to God in Heaven.

As class ended, she came to a conclusion: simply experimenting in school wasn't enough. These idiots were clueless about the inner workings of NERV. She'd have to go to HQ herself and see what was going on. However, as she was leaving, she noticed Hikari and Toji talking from the corner of her eyes. Asuka had known, for some time now, just what Hikari's feelings for Toji were like. She knew that Hikari liked him the same way Asuka liked Shinji. However, unlike herself, Hikari had no problem walking up to Toji and trying to start friendly conversation. What was different about their relationship as opposed to the relationship Asuka and Shinji shared? Was there a difference? Was it just that Hikari was a stronger person than she, Asuka, was?

Whatever the case may be, she left the two love birds, only to run into Shinji. His expression was tense. She wondered, for a moment, why he would have a reason to be tense. However, his anxiety was soon explained as he glanced up at her, and said, softly, "Well, uh, Asuka, about before…"

"Eh, don't worry about it," Asuka said, a smirk on her lips, "That just goes to show me that I was taking things too easy. Next time, watch out."

"I don't really care about these tests."

Asuka glanced back at him. "Oh really? Why don't you care?"

"I really don't think they matter too much. If you want to win, then I'll let you win. If you want to, I mean—"

"Look! If you just let me win, that wouldn't be fair! I want to beat you in an all out, fair match. I don't want you just throwing in the towel for my sake, here me?"

"Uh, okay. I just thought—"

"You thought wrong, I'm afraid."

Why was she getting so worked up over such a simple matter? Why was she getting so excited over Shinji offering to lose on purpose? After all, if he lost, then she would be number one always. She would maintain the title, and no one would take it away from her. Why wouldn't she want Shinji to lose on purpose for her? Why not?

Well, the reason was simple: she had pride!

"Don't get used to winning, though. I'll beat you next time," Asuka laughed, walking past him with a smug smile on her face.

"If you say so."

"I say so."

"Alright."

Asuka was about to go when Shinji spoke up. "Where are you going?"

"To headquarters."

"Why?"

"Because I feel like it."

"Well, a good a reason as any, I guess."

"Hey, Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna come with me?"

Why was she inviting that idiot with her anyway? Was it because she wanted to spend time with him, God forbid? Was it because she didn't want to be alone? Well, whatever the reason was, she had gone ahead and said it. There was no turning back now.

Shinji smiled, slightly, "If you want me to."

"No, I want to know if you want to. Here you go again relying on what everyone else wants. What do you want?"

"Well, I don't know what I want. I guess I'd like to go with you, I suppose."

"Good!" Asuka said, smiling thinly, "Then let's go."

"We walking?"

"Sure. Good for your body, right?"

"I suppose so."

Asuka grabbed Shinji by the wrist, and pulled him out of the doors, a brisk jump in her step. Why was she so damn excited? Why was she even happy? Sure, she liked Shinji, but not this much, surely. Surely not! But still, nevertheless, she was going to take advantage of this surge of happiness while she could.

"Hey! Quit dragging me."

"Ah, shut up."

Asuka let go of him only after they were a good mile away from the school. The moment she released him, he obediently followed in her step like a trained dog. She wished he could show even just a little more backbone. That was the one thing she wanted to see from him more than anything else. Just for him to stand up for himself. Still, she was glad that he was paying attention to her, even though he was now a superior pilot.

"So why did you want to go to headquarters anyway, Asuka?" Shinji asked, curiously.

"I just want to say hi."

"That's it?"

"Basically."

"Couldn't you have waited until we were needed to say hi?"

"Well, it's spontaneous and random," Asuka explained, "That's why it's important. The spontaneity of it all."

"Spontaneity?"

"Exactly!"

"If you say so."

As they reached the entrance to NERV, Shinji said, softly, "Um, Asuka?"

"What is it?" Asuka asked as she ran her ID card across the card swipe.

"Why were you hugging Hikari before?"

"It's a girl thing," Asuka said, walking through the now open door as Shinji swiped his card.

"I see. But what was the reason?"

"You really want to know, don't you?"

"I'm just curious. That's all."

Showing backbone? Well, she could respect that. "Alright, the truth is that I was afraid."

"Afraid? But you're always so confident."

"Ah, well, it isn't so much that I'm not confident. It's just that I was worried about something, you know?"

"About what?"

"Well, I just love being number one. I was afraid that if I wasn't number one, people wouldn't…and why the hell am I telling an idiot like you all this anyway!?" Asuka couldn't believe she had spilt her guts to this idiot! This moron! This spineless fool!

And yet he had asked. He had displayed courage and asked. He hadn't left her. He hadn't abandoned her because she had lost. If anything, he had come to her, not the other way around. He wasn't leaving her alone. He hadn't left now. He wasn't about to leave.

Asuka sighed, and said, softly, "I was afraid that everyone would leave me."

"Leave you? Why?"

"Because no one cares about losers, you know?" Asuka said, frowning, "They only like the winners. The best."

"I don't know about that. I mean, you are a very strong person."

"You think so?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I guess you're right."

Shinji smiled, "I know I'm right. You're always so strong and confident. And you never give in to anyone else. That's strength."

"I guess you're right."

"Well, I—" Shinji began, but they were interrupted by none other than Misato.

"What are you guys doing here?"

Asuka wanted to thank Misato personally for interrupting a perfect moment between her and Shinji. Rather, she just glared at Misato, a vein pulsing in her forehead, as she mumbled, "Misato…nice of you to drop by."

"The feeling's mutual," Misato said, a smirk on her face, "Did you guys just come to see me?"

"Maybe," Asuka said, "I just wanted to see Kaji."

"I see. Well, that idiot's busy with something else," Misato said, "So if you'll excuse—wow!"

She stumbled onto the floor, dropping a clipboard which fell to Asuka's feet. She picked it up as Shinji helped Misato to her feet. She glanced the paper over, and, in a moment, felt the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. "Wait a second. What the hell?!"

"What is it?" Shinji asked after helping Misato to her feet.

"It's nothing at all," Misato said, reaching out for the clipboard, only for Asuka to twirl out of the way.

"This looks like something if you ask me," Asuka said.

"But what is it?" Shinji asked.

"Does he know about this yet?" Asuka asked, skeptically.

"We haven't discussed it with us yet, but they plan on recruiting him," Misato admitted in defeat. "Look, it might not even happen. He'd need to consent and all."

"What are you guys talking about?"

"The new pilot of Eva Unit-03!" Asuka said, handing Shinji the clipboard, "It's Toji."


	7. Chapter 7

**Part Seven**

"So he's the new pilot?"

"Uh…yes…"

"And how long did you know?"

"Just found out five seconds ago."

"And when were you planning on telling us, oh so intelligent one?"

"I was going to tell you eventually, don't worry about that."

"I'm sure you were."

"He's the new pilot?"

"Yes, he is."

Asuka wondered just how long she was going to take to tell them. She probably wouldn't have been so defensive with the info if she was planning on just telling them as soon as possible. Well, regardless, that just meant that there was another one of them to pilot the Evas. That meant more competition. Did the threat of another Shinji spur her on, or intimidate her?

"Well, why do they need a Unit 03 anyway?" Asuka asked.

"The more Evas defending the city the better, they feel," Misato said.

"But why Toji?" Shinji asked, confused.

"Well, the truth is that every member of your class, Shinji, is an ideal candidate for piloting an Eva," Misato confessed.

"Even Hikari?"

"Even her, Asuka."

"What about Kensuke?" Shinji asked.

"Yes, although it might not be such a good idea to let him be a pilot," Misato said, considerately.

"Yeah, you're right," Asuka said, "That idiot would probably think it was all a lot of fun."

"But that's why Toji shouldn't pilot," Shinji said, softly, "He'd hate it! I'm sure he would!"

Asuka glanced over at him. He was concerned over his friend's wellbeing? And he vocalized his concerns? The latter surprised Asuka. Never before had she heard Shinji actually make vocalize his concerns for others like that. Was he developing a backbone? Shinji with a backbone was a concept completely alien to Asuka. In fact, the very nature of it both aroused her interest and also disturbed her pleasantly.

"Well, we'll see what happens."

And they did indeed see what happened. The next day, Toji was subdued as he walked in. Had Misato already interrogated him about piloting? Asuka didn't speak, but Shinji did approach him, a concerned expression on his face, and, to Asuka's utter disbelief, actually admitted he knew about him piloting Unit-03. Even more startling, he actually stated his concerns to him. To his face. Right then and there.

The shock Toji felt was nothing compared to Asuka's shock. Where had he grown a spine? How could he have grown a spine? This child, this boy, that idiot, that she had made fun of, humiliated, and even gone as far as to taunt and ridicule over his lack of a backbone, was now sporting a rather firm backbone, a rather strong one, a rather confident one. Where had this happened? Where was she when it was growing?

Those questions remained unanswered as Asuka approached the situation. She could hear Toji stammering, in disbelief, "How did you hear about that?"

"We ran into Misato. She spilt the beans," Asuka replied in Shinji's place.

"So you know too? That just figures," Toji mumbled, "Look, I don't want anything to do with those things. The only reason I agreed was because they said they'd try to treat my sister in their hospital."

"Well, that's an upside," Asuka admitted.

"Toji, it isn't too late to back down," Shinji said, "It really isn't pleasurable. It's actually a horrible experience to pilot."

"A horrible experience?" Just what kinds of things was Shinji experiencing in Eva? She was reminded of him being sucked into the depths of those shadows. He hadn't mentioned anything about what happened in there yet. Maybe he had mentioned it to that Dr. Tamako, though. Maybe she knew about this.

And then it clicked in her mind. It was the shrink. That was the reason Shinji was growing a backbone. That was the secret! The shrink had developed one for him, raised it up from nothing. And that's where that doll Rei had developed a true personality, a vocal one, an understanding one.

What had she grown?

"Hey, Asuka. What're you guys talking about?"

Asuka jumped a little in the air, startled by her friend Hikari's voice. She was about to confess that Toji was now the pilot of Unit-03 when Toji gave her a look that locked the words up in her throat before they could reach Hikari's ears. Naturally, it made sense that Toji didn't want her to know. He wasn't proud of being a pilot. Why would he want the entire world to know his business?

"It's nothing," Asuka replied.

"Sure doesn't look like nothing," Hikari said, "I thought I heard you guys talking about Unit-03."

"No point hiding it now," Toji mumbled. Asuka had to comment that his will sure was weak if he was going to give up that easily. Hell, even Shinji would fare better. Well, maybe.

"Toji's the newly selected pilot of Unit-03," Shinji said, darkly.

"That's fantastic!" Hikari said, amazed, "Listen, we have to celebrate!"

"Why?" Toji asked, "What's to celebrate about? All those damned machines do is just cause trouble and hurt people."

"Well, that's one way of looking at things," Hikari admitted, "But to think that you're actually protecting all those lives with that machine. You're like a hero to so many now, Toji. Just like Asuka and Shinji and Rei."

"But it isn't so simple," Shinji said, "Some of the things we see in there are horrible. And I don't even know what the Evas even are."

"Aren't they just huge machines?" Asuka aksed.

"I don't think so," Shinji said, "I think there's more to it than that. But I don't know what else there can be."

"Well, it doesn't matter, right?" Toji mumbled, "All I need to know is that once Unit-03 reaches Japan, I'm piloting it."

"Well, I don't know about how little it matters," Shinji said, cautiously, "I just think that you should be careful. That's all."

"Okay, if you say so."

Later that day, Kaji arrived at Misato's apartment to take Asuka to Dr. Tamako's. Asuka had lost the vigor she had felt around Kaji, and simply strode over to him, plopping herself down gently in the seat beside him. Kaji noticed the difference immediately.

"What's the mater? Unhappy?" Kaji asked.

"Not that. Just…"

"You're in love, aren't you?" Kaji asked, smiling.

Asuka grinned. "Is it that obvious?"

"Oh, I can see it in your eyes, clear as day. Let me guess. It's the Third Child, isn't it?"

Asuka grinned again. "That idiot?"

"Why not? You both have an awful lot in common. Both pilots. Both young. Both rather magnificent children with much to offer."

"Well, he's spineless, I'm beautiful. What does he have to offer that I don't already have?"

"Well, if I were to be bluntly obvious, he does have that Y chromosome you lack."

"Funny."

"I remember watching a movie years ago. It survived the Second Impact, as it were. An American movie. I believe it was called Moonstruck, or something to that effect."

"What's your point?"

"One of the characters mentions how men seek women out because, in the beginning, Adam's rib was removed to create Eve. Perhaps man is simply seeking woman to complete himself, as woman is seeking to return to Adam."

"So are you saying I'm a rib?"

"Not exactly," Kaji said, "What I mean is that you are the rib that Shinji so desperately seeks."

"Maybe more like an entire backbone."

"Perhaps, but perhaps not," Kaji said, smiling thinly, "You never know when it comes to true love."

"True love?"

"Yes, true love. Frightening concept. Love for the remainder of your days. You never know when you'll come across it. You may even be in denial that such a thing even exists, and yet it is undeniable that, once you fall in true love, you can never escape it. No matter how much you ignore it, the feelings will only consume you. Consume you until you allow love to merge the two of you into one being."

And so the trip went on until, finally, Asuka arrived at the psychologist's office. At once, she went to Dr. Tamako's office, plopping herself down on the recliner as Dr. Tamako replied, a smile on her face, anxiously wriggling her fingers, "So?"

"What?"

"Remember last session?"

"It was only a few days ago."

"But do you remember your assignment?"

"About seeing how people treated me?" Asuka had almost forgotten about that. If anything, it had been wiped from her mind after the entire Toji affair, as it came to be known.

"Yes. Any difference?"

"Well…" Asuka remembered Hikari's face, remembered how everything had been normal. Even Misato hadn't changed. Kaji still treated her the same. The only thing that changed was Shinji, and he was growing up, becoming a man, right in front of Asuka's eyes. Nothing had grown for the worse, only changed for the better. So, with a smile, Asuka confessed, "Nothing's gotten worse. If anything, for the first time in a long time, I'm actually…happy…"

Dr. Tamako smiled, "I'm glad to hear that, Asuka."

"I couldn't believe it at first. I mean, I had thought that winning was everything. And I still want to win. That hasn't changed. I just feel more optimistic about it. Just all around…happier. I don't know how exactly to describe it. Everything is just better for me."

"What about your lover?"

"Are you talking about Shinji?"

"So he isn't 'the idiot' now? Seems like things are improving."

"Well, let's not jump the gun here. He's still an idiot. That isn't different. But he's changed. He's grown up more."

"So have you."

"How so?"

"Well, believe me when I say that you've been changing since I met you. They are still many things that can improve. They are things that are causing you pain deep inside that I'm sure you've locked away from me. Hopefully in time we can change that."

The image of a doll hanging from the rafters of the ceiling emerged for a brief second in Asuka's mind before dissolving away. The image was faint now, and the effects minimal.

"Still, you've grown into a woman. I'm happy for you."

Asuka smiled.

Afterwards, the next day, to be exact, Asuka noticed that Toji was nowhere to be seen. She knew where he was, of course. Testing Unit-03. Misato was gone too that day. Kensuke, still in the dark, joked about where Kaji could have been. But Hikari approached Asuka, and asked, gently, "You know where he is, right? Toji, I mean."

"Yeah. Synching with Unit-03 for the first time," Asuka said, "He should be fine."

"I hope so."

The day proceeded slowly, but the slow procession was interrupted by the sounds of a siren. Asuka leapt to her feet, in shock. Shinji rose to his feet as well, along with Rei. The three of them exchanged looks. They knew what the sign meant.

An angel attack was imminant.


	8. Chapter 8

**Part Eight**

"There has been an accident."

Asuka stared back at Commander Ikari with an eyebrow raised, in confusion. The enigmatic bespectacled commander had summoned them all at once for an angel attack, only to inform them that there was an accident? What kind of accident? Who or what was involved? Was there actually an angel or did he just ring the bell to inform them there was an accident? Knowing how much of an asshole this guy was, she wouldn't put it past him to do something like that.

"What kind of accident?" Shinji asked.

"During the synchronization process with Unit-03, the newest angel appeared and caused a massive explosion. We do not know the damage yet, but we know that the majority of the people there are now dead."

Asuka's heart stopped for a moment. Although she didn't care about the majority of the people there, she did know one thing: both Toji and Misato had been there. Toji, piloting Unit-03. Misato, standing unprotected and vulnerable. Surely Unit-03 would survive with his AT Field and armor, but Misato had no protection. She was toasted. Doomed! She wouldn't have a place to live, sure, but even worse was that she had grown attached to Misato over the years. She could feel the loss in her heart.

Shinji's expression was mortified, as expected. Asuka's would have been too, but there was that small voice in her head that told her that there was a chance that Misato survived the explosion. That powerful voice convinced her to remain calm and patient.

"Now, get into battle positions," Commander Ikari said, walking away, "As Misato is not present, I will be in command of this operation. Any objections?"

No one replied.

Asuka boarded the Eva, and, before long, was out on the surface, rushing to a point just outside the city. And there they waited, staring at the setting sun. For a moment or two, there was nothing. Asuka wondered what this Angel looked like. Was it strange and chilling like that last Angel? Would they have to suffer as a result of it, like having Shinji separated from time and space once again? Or was this ordinary, and would be dispatched with ease?

And then the silhouette against the setting sun emerged. At first, Asuka could scarcely see it. The brilliance of the sun prevented them from being able to take in its slender frame. However, as it approached, its calculated manor haunting and chilling, Asuka recognized it not as an Angel, but as an Evangelion.

Did Toji kill the Angel? Was he coming back in triumph? Was he just so weak he couldn't move fast? Was that all? Asuka smiled in triumph. So they weren't even needed. That's good. And at least Toji was safe now, right?

"That is your target."

"Wait, come again?" Asuka replied.

"But that's Unit-03, right?" Shinji asked.

"Consider it the Thirteenth Angel," Commander Ikari said, "Your orders are to destroy it."

"But Toji's in there!" Shinji stammered.

"Irrelevant."

Asuka wanted to bash that idiot's head in right now. That condescending bastard! Well, killing Toji wasn't an option. If Toji died, then Hikari would be sad. It was that simple. Sure, Hikari would be a little bit more than simply sad, but the concept remained just the same. What she needed to do was simply remove that plug from Unit-03's back. That was all. She just needed the right—

"Unit-00 is down!"

Asuka's attention jerked into focus. Unit-00? Rei? Was she beaten already by Unit-03? By Toji? The Angel had to be in control of his unit. That had to be it. She prepared herself for combat, ready for Toji's Eva to attack. She couldn't allow Shinji to engage the target. If he did, he would be devastated. And that was something she would not, could not allow. And besides, how could he possibly hurt his best friend?

"I'll handle this, Shinji," Asuka snarled, rushing headlong at Unit-03 with a firearm in hand. Bullets exploded at Unit-03, slamming against its steel hide. He staggered backward, the bullets ramming up against his front. If Asuka knew anything, it was that, despite hurting, the bullets wouldn't kill Toji so much as devastate the Eva. However, as the bullets slammed against the hide, a massive barrier materialized itself between her and Unit-03. An AT Field!

The bullets bounced harmlessly off of the shield. The gun was useless. She tossed it aside, and withdrew her formidable blade. She slashed at the AT Field, only for it to embed itself inside the field. She had to concentrate her AT Field into the barrier, to rip it and corrode it. Before she could do anything other than struggle, the fiend's claws clasped at her Unit-02's throat, squeezing the air out from her windpipe.

She struggled against it, trying to convince herself that the pain wasn't real. And yet it hurt so terribly. She could no longer draw breath, but she couldn't give up. If Shinji fought Toji himself, he would lose his mind! Surely something horrible would happen! And so she could not, would not allow that to happen!

She stabbed straight through the AT Field, and straight through Unit-03's skull! She felt the hands slacken against her throat, at which she shook them off, and withdrew the knife as harshly as possible. Unit-03 remained motionless and still. Asuka gasped in and out for air for a moment before she slammed her elbow into the back of Unit-03's skull, and knocked it to the floor!

"Asuka! What are you doing!?" Shinji shrieked.

Asuka's stomach was in a knot. He was so terrified of what she was doing. She didn't look at his image on her screen as she replied, "Trying to settle this as quickly and painlessly as possible."

"But you'll kill him!"

"No I—WOW!!"

Asuka tumbled to the ground as she saw Unit-03's claws clasped around her Unit-02's ankle! She should have known it wasn't going to be that easy! She reached for her gun, which was in close proximity, and aimed straight at Unit-03's skull! With rapid fire, she blasted against his head. His AT Field held for a moment or two before shattering to pieces, allowing the bullets to pierce straight through it. The arm slackened, at which she began to fire bullets into that too. After several rounds, she tore against the arm, only to wrench it out of its socket. Blood exploded from the torn socket, or at least a substance that resembled blood, like LCL.

"Asuka! Stop it! Please, stop it!"

"Don't worry! It's over!" Asuka snarled, grabbing the Entryplug that was sticking out of Unit-03's back. With one sharp movement, she ripped it out of the Eva's back. The fungus-like substance that had connected the Entryplug to the rest of the Eva snapped, as did the majority of the fungus on Unit-03. Was the Angel alive only within the integration of Unit-03 and Toji? Perhaps. Then that would mean that, by separating the connection, the Thirteenth Angel had been disposed. Unit-03 was still salvageable.

Asuka placed the Entryplug on the ground, gently, as she said gently into the monitor, "I've salvaged the pilot. The Thirteenth Angel is dead."

"Good work, Asuka."

She felt pride fill up in her heart. She had done it. She had actually done something heroic. Something special. Something important that even Shinji would congratulate her for. As Shinji's face appeared on her monitor, she grinned happily as she said, "So, what do you think?"

"Is Toji alive?"

"Yeah, of course he is," Asuka grinned, "What did you expect?"

"I was so worried he'd be killed or something like that," Shinji stammered.

"Don't be!" Asuka laughed, "He's perfectly fine!"

Planes were flying overhead as Shinji said, gently, "Thank you."

The planes landed in close proximity to the Entryplug. They walked over to the doors, and twisted the emergency latch. Asuka watched from her high perspective as the door was twisted open, and the technicians walked into the LCL filled tube. She watched as they slowly pulled an unconscious Toji from the plug. He must have been unconscious after she blew his skull up. Thankfully, his body was unscathed.

"He's out like a light," one of the technicians said in a message that was sent across to all the other Evas, and probably Commander Ikari as well, "But he looks alright."

"Agreeable," Commander Ikari replied, coldly, "And Unit-03? Is it salvageable?"

"The damage is repairable," another technician said, "It'll take a day or two, but we've seen worse."

"Perfect. Commence the recovery of both Unit-03 and Unit-00. How is Rei?"

"She's perfectly fine."

"Excellent."

Hey, what about Asuka? What about her great triumph? Didn't they care that she had saved both Unit-03 and Toji? Ah well. Commander Ikari was an asshole and everyone knew it. That wasn't a problem.

"What happened?"

Asuka recognized that voice. She jumped against the screen of her Eva's vision as she stammered, "Misato?"

"Misato?!" Shinji stammered, "You're alive?!"

"Yeah, me and Ritsuko. Is Toji alright?" Misato's voice asked.

"Yeah, he's alive," Shinji said, gratefully.

"Who stopped him?"

"I did!" Asuka said, proudly, hoping Misato would congratulate her.

"Great job, Asuka!" Misato said, happily.

"Thanks! I think it is a great job," Asuka said, confidently.

"Don't let it go to your head," Shinji replied.

"Will you shut up, you stupid idiot!?"

Still, she couldn't help but smile as she returned to base to depart from her Eva. She had saved Toji. Although she really didn't care all too much about that idiot Toji, the fact that she had saved him sent a surge of joy through her heart. Now Hikari would be happy. She couldn't imagine what would have happened if someone like Shinji had handled it. He would have frozen up, been unable to crush Unit-03. He probably would have been killed. Surely that would have been the case.

Unless some horrible miracle had happened, like Unit-01 going insane again.

She had to make a phone call before anything else. Withdrawing a cell phone, she dialed Hikari's number. After all, she deserved to know everything. Hikari answered, quickly. "Hello, Asuka?"

"Yeah, hey!"

"What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Listen, there was an accident preparing Unit-03."

"Oh my God! Is Toji alright?"

"He's fine. You see, his Unit-03 was possessed by this Angel, and we had to stop it. Don't worry. I took it down and saved Toji."

"You did? Thank God."

"Tell me about it. So Toji will probably be sent to our hospital. I'll arrange it so you can visit him."

"What?"

"He's unconscious now, but how would you like to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up?"

Hook, line, and sinker. That romantic concept was enough to convince Hikari to sprint to the NERV hospital, to which Asuka gave her directions. Hikari remained at Toji's bedside until he woke up five hours later.

Asuka, however, was not present for that moment.

Rather, she was with Shinji, waiting by Rei's bedside. She had been severally hurt by Unit-03, but should recover. Asuka waited patiently for Rei to awaken, yes, but also was here to see Shinji. He had remained uninvolved in this battle. He was extremely grateful to Asuka for saving Toji, as he had made it clear as they had waited there. Asuka teased him how it was nothing and that now Shinji owed him for saving his friend.

"So, now that I've saved Toji, I want you to do something for me," Asuka said, smirking.

"Uh, okay. Sure. What?" Shinji asked, curiously.

Asuka grinned, "Are you sure you can do this?"

"I think so. Just tell me what it is."

"And you better not screw up again."

"Wait, again?"

Asuka gestured for him to draw closer. Shinji inched forward slowly, a little worried and cautious. As he drew closer, Asuka could hear his breathing, his anxious gasps for air. She noticed that her breathing was similar, although rather than nervous anxiety, she was invigorated by desire, by a strong, anxious need. And, once Shinji was an inch away, realization dawned upon him.

"Wait, you want to kiss me again?"

Asuka nodded.

"You aren't going to hold my nose closed again, are you?"

"Not at all," Asuka said, moving her body closer to Shinji's seat so that it would be easier for him to hold her, "But I'm just curious if the second kiss will be as lousy as that first time."

"What? It wouldn't have been lousy if you hadn't kept my nose shut!"

"Oh! The perfect excuse!" laughed Asuka, "For one, you didn't hold me. For two, you didn't go all into it. I mean, seriously!"

"I couldn't breathe!"

"Well, here's a second chance."

"But Rei's right here."

"Oh, she won't care. Besides, she's unconscious. She won't even know."

"But…"

"Are you afraid?"

"What?"

"Are you still scared?"

"No, I'm not."

"Then prove it."

And he did just that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Part Nine**

"For the last time! We are not dating!"

"I'm sure you aren't, Asuka," Misato laughed at the two teenagers as scarlet filled their youthful faces, "You totally weren't just staring mesmorized into each others eyes, just like you weren't kissing over Rei's body yesterday!"

"It wasn't like that," stammered Shinji, defensively.

"Okay, whatever. If it's some big secret, you know what? That's fine! Fine! But let's not lie. I won't tell anyone! I promise!"

"We aren't dating!" Asuka snarled.

"It wasn't a kiss," Shinji replied, embarrassed, "Just ask Rei."

"Rei was unconscious," Misato laughed, "She just came to this morning. And you were kissing last night. We have security cameras. We saw it happen."

"What!? Didn't you NERV people ever hear of privacy?!" Asuka stammered.

"Can't say we have. Sorry," Misato laughed.

"I hate you with a passion," Asuka stammered, "Just tell me how many other morons saw this recording?"

"Oh, just me, Maya and the rest of her crew, Ritsuko, Commander Fuyutski, Commander Ikari, oh, and Kaji too."

"What?! My father!?" Shinji stammered.

"What?! My Kaji!?" Asuka stammered.

"Yes," Misato said, "And you're being awfully greedy, Asuka. I mean, both Shinji and Kaji? Pick one."

"Oh fine! Take Kaji."

"So you'll take Shinji?"

"We aren't dating! You understand? Swear them all to secrecy!" Asuka stammered.

"My father knows?" Shinji stammered, his voice faint.

"Oh, he won't give a crap!" Asuka snarled.

"Don't worry," Misato said, "If anything, Commander Ikari actually encouraged your relationship."

"He…He did?" Shinji asked, an expression of confusion on his face.

"Yeah," Misato replied, nodding, "He seemed to be proud that his son had found a girlfriend."

That didn't sound like the cipher that Asuka had the privilege of not knowing. The Commander had always appeared to be a distant, indifferent figure. Almost a sociopath. Except when it came to his precious Rei and precious Unit-01. After all, the way he treated them they might as well have been his wife or something ridiculous and bizarre like that.

"So my father actually approves of this?" Shinji asked, still in shock.

"Your father is still human," Misato replied.

"Really? I thought he was a robot or something crazy like that," Asuka replied, bluntly.

"So my father actually approved of it?"

"How many times do you have to repeat that?" Asuka asked, "Yes, he approves. Why is that such a big shock?"

"Well, my father has rarely shown me any attention," Shinji replied, "It's almost as though he doesn't want me or something."

Instantly, Asuka's mind returned to a single event. A single room. There she was, a little girl, abandoned by her mother as she stared into her maddening petting of a little doll, a lifeless doll, as she asked it if she saw the strange girl staring back at her from the window. Asuka. The strange girl.

And then the image of a noose occupied by a doll beside the limp and dead figure of her mother flashed for a moment in her brain. And the next second, the vision had dissolved back into reality. She hadn't had an episode like that for awhile now. She had forgotten just how horrible those experiences were. She ran a hand through her hair, brushing the sweat from her brow. She rarely reacted this terribly from the images before. Had she become unaccustomed to them as of late?

"What's wrong, Asuka?" Shinji asked.

"Oh, nothing," Asuka replied, "Just thinking of something."

Misato glanced at her, a concerned expression on her face. "Uh, Asuka?"

"What is it?"

"Do you want to talk about something?"

"Not at all." Asuka had forgotten that Misato knew all about that day years ago. Well, Asuka didn't want anyone else to hear about that. Telling Hikari and Rei all that time ago had been therapeutic, sure, but it wasn't a story to tell Shinji. She didn't want him to know that about her.

"Like I said," Asuka continued, "Just thought of something. Hikari and Toji must be enjoying themselves."

"He's in a hospital, Asuka," Shinji said, "And Toji isn't a pervert."

"Oh, all boys are perverts," Asuka replied.

"That's a stereotype, you know," Shinji replied, bluntly.

"Yeah, but like most stereotypes, it has some basis in fact."

"She has a very good point," Misato replied.

"I don't know how to take that response coming from a sex addict like you," Asuka replied.

"Oh, that just does it!" Misato snarled, aggressively, "Maybe I should make a few posters with stills from that rather private moment in Rei's room, eh?"

"You wouldn't dare!" Asuka snarled.

"Dare I would."

It was later that day that Asuka chose to visit Toji. Well, actually she went to visit Hikari, as she had taken it upon herself to watch over Toji's recovery for every waking moment. Ritsuko had informed Asuka that many tests were necessary to check to see if any contamination had been caused by the Angel. Naturally, however, they had found nothing. They were also checking Unit-03 for any of the Angel's remains, but had so far found nothing. Asuka was certain that she had effectively eliminated the Angel when she separated Toji from Unit-03.

Upon opening the door, she saw Hikari feeding Toji, delicately, a home cooked dish of some sort. It looked like chicken, but Asuka wasn't certain. Whatever it was that they were doing, the moment Asuka let the door close behind her, Hikari dropped the chopsticks, blushing deep scarlet, as she turned around to see Asuka. Toji turned beet red as well.

"Hey! Don't mind me," Asuka replied, plopping down at a chair at Hikari's side, "Please. Proceed."

"Um…" Hikari looked at her knees, unable to look up, as she replied, "Nice to see you, Asuka."

"The feeling is mutual," Asuka replied, a smile on her lips.

"Listen, if you tell other people, they'll talk," Hikari said, still bashfully.

"Oh, don't worry about them," Asuka laughed, "They're just jealous because they can't eat your delicious food."

"Look, I'm sure Shinji knows about this—" Toji started, only to be interrupted by Asuka.

"Actually, he's oblivious," Asuka lied.

"Really?" Hikari asked, "But when he went to the bathroom last night he saw me and asked me how Toji was."

"What? Well, uh, he probably knew you were visiting him, yeah…" Asuka said.

"And then he asked me if he should be there," Hikari replied, "Or if I wanted to be alone with him."

"He isn't as unobservant as I thought…" Asuka mumbled silently, taking note of this incident.

"How's Rei?" Hikari asked.

"Rei is…Rei…" Asuka said, simply.

The fact was that the First Child had woken up, and asked them, upon awakening, what had happened. After they had patiently explained the situation to her, Rei had asked how long the two of them had stayed, at which they had responded, truthfully, for several hours. Rei had then told the two of them to go home and get sleep, that she wasn't worth worrying over that much, and, all the while maintaining her signature apathetic expression, asked if, on the chance that they visited her again, if they could give her a book to read.

Naturally, Asuka had delivered a popular light novel over to her.

"Oh, so she's okay?" Hikari asked.

"She'll be fine in a day or so. She said she's had worse injuries in the past," Asuka replied.

"I see," Toji replied, slumping over, "So at least I didn't hurt Rei too badly."

"You didn't hurt anyone," Hikari said, her voice soothing and soft, "It was that Angel. It wasn't you."

"Yeah, I guess," Toji mumbled, "Still, do I have to pilot that thing again?"

Asuka remembered Shinji, who had so frequently asked not to pilot the Eva. Why were they all so object to piloting Eva anyway? Sure, Toji had some excuse. He had been possessed by an Angel upon entering the Eva, sure, but aside from that, what was so terrible about it? They could receive glory and happiness from piloting, not to mention saving the world. It was a great experience, after all. Magnificent, to say the least. Toji just needed to jump back on the horse was all.

"What you need to do is pilot again," Asuka replied, a smile on her lips, "You should be up and running by the next Angel attack. What you need to do is just fight alongside us, and you'll be fine."

"But what if that Angel returns?" Toji asked, anxiously.

"Don't be a coward!" Asuka snarled, "Once you get back into the Eva, you should be fine. I mean, it was just a fluke the Angel possessed you. A chance in a million. But now the Angel's dead. Gone. Kaput."

"Asuka."

"What, Toji?"

"Thanks."

"What?"

Toji glanced at his hand. He flexed his fingers, tensely, as he said, slowly, "Without you, I don't know what would have happened. I mean, I would have killed so many innocents, wouldn't of I? I would have made so many people suffer. I would have made them cry and die. I'm sure that something horrible would have happened. Something terrible. But, throughout that entire experience, I kept hearing a voice in my head."

"A voice?" Asuka asked, curiously.

"Yeah. A voice that was almost trying to relax me," Toji said, frowning, "It kept asking me if I wanted to find peace, or something like that. And it mentioned someone named Kaworu."

"Kaworu?" Asuka asked, raising an eyebrow, "What the Hell? Who's Kaworu?"

"I don't know," Toji said, "The voice was practically worshipping this "Kaworu person."

"Did you tell Ritsuko about this?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah, I did," Toji said, "Told Hikari about it too."

Hikari confirmed this with a nod. "I think it's obvious the voice was the Angel, but is this Kaworu maybe the leader of the Angels? Maybe?"

"Yeah, maybe," Asuka replied, nodding, "But we really don't know much about the Angels at all, so I don't know."

"You don't know anything about them and you're fighting them?" Hikari asked.

"Well, of course. If an enemy attacks you, you have to fight back, right?" Asuka asked.

"Didn't you ever think of talking to them?" Hikari asked.

"Talking to them!? They're Angels? They're violent and rude and, in case you didn't notice, not very vocal characters."

"Sorry. Just a possibility."

"Don't worry about it," Asuka said, "You haven't seen quite as many Angels as we have. Most of the time it's kill first, ask questions later. Like, after all this is over."

"Hopefully that's sooner than later," Toji said, "I'd hate to have to keep fighting forever."

Asuka had never really thought of the end of their journey before. After the last Angel was beaten, what would they do? Would they simply go back to their ordinary lives? Would there be room for a relationship with Shinji? It was only then that Asuka asked herself a question that she had never asked before.

Aside from piloting, what was it that she did that truly defined her as a person?

Who was she, really? She was a Pilot. Even Rei called her "Pilot Sohryu". That was her true calling. But after piloting was all over, after all the Angels were disposed of, then what? What was her true calling then? What was left of her? What could she do? Would she even be able to pilot after that? She'd have to keep her Evangelion after that. She'd have to be able to pilot, right? She'd have to. Hell, she'd even fight in military missions if it meant just being able to pilot.

But maybe there'd never stop being Angels. Maybe they'd just keep coming forever. Asuka would like nothing better than for that to happen. Just to continuously fight Angels just so she'd pilot until the end of time.

"Earth to Asuka?"

"Oh! Sorry. Miles away," Asuka replied, "Daydreaming a little, you know?"

"Yeah, I hear you," Hikari replied, and eyebrow raised, "But you looked like you were about to cry for a moment there."

"Cry? I never cry," Asuka laughed.

"Asuka, this isn't about, well, you know," Hikari asked, with her voice slowly growing lower. Asuka knew what she meant. She meant what happened to her mother. Asuka shook her head.

"Honestly, just daydreaming."

"Okay, Asuka. I believe you," Hikari said, smiling, "But it must have been a lousy daydream."

"It was. Kinda depressing, actually."

And yet, even after Asuka left the two lovebirds to themselves, Asuka couldn't help but think about the end. The end of her adventure. The end of an era. She felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as she contemplated that possibility. A day where Evas would be unnecessary. Would be disowned. Would be abandoned. Outclassed. Obsolete.

She prayed that the sun would never rise on a day like that.

The next day at school, both Rei and Toji returned to school. And, naturally, Hikari returned to school with Toji. Although they didn't make a rather big deal of it, somehow the entire school deduced they were dating due to the fact that Hikari had the tendency of "accidentally" making too much lunch for one person and continuously "just happened" to give the extra lunch to Toji, who always "happened" to forget his lunch that day.

In fact, the normal nature of life had left Asuka almost relaxed. She and Shinji were now starting to spend a lot more time with one another. Whenever Shinji hung out with Toji and Kensuke, Hikari would join Toji and Asuka would join Shinji. Rei would also invite herself to their group, a calm relaxed smile on her face, as always. The nature of their relationship was nice. The days they spent together, Asuka had to admit, were so serene, so gentle, almost soothing.

Happy.

In fact, due to this almost ordinary and normal life, Asuka had forgotten about synchronization tests entirely. A total of four days after Rei and Toji were taken out of the hospital, they had a synchronization test. And, surprisingly, a fourth plug was set up for Toji.

Ritsuko informed them after the test that, despite Toji being behind Rei, Toji had done exceedingly well for his first try, almost as good as Asuka and Shinji's first try. Even more interesting to Asuka, however, was that now Asuka and Shinji were nearly tied for the top spot. The difference was so marginal that Ritsuko had barely detected it. As of now, Shinji was only barely in the lead.

Only barely.

"Ha! Don't worry, Shinji," Asuka laughed, "Next time, you won't be ahead! Next time I'll blow you away, just like the amateur you are!"

"Is she always that arrogant?" Toji asked Shinji.

"Oh, you get used to it after awhile," Shinji replied, blushing.

"Hey!"

"After awhile, Pilot Sohryu's complaints almost feel like white noise," Rei replied, a note of amusement in her voice.

So even Rei was poking fun at her? Well, that just figured! That was just great, great! Now she was the laughing stock of the—

"Angel Attack!"

"What?" Asuka stammered, "Right now?"

"Oh God! Now I have to pilot that Eva again?" Toji grumbled.

"Don't worry," Rei said, "Chances are you won't even be damaged."

Asuka grinned. "Hell, chances are this will be five second's worth of—WOW!!"

The entire facility began to shake fiercely as something exploded high above NERV headquarters. Asuka tumbled onto Shinji, who landed on the floor. Shinji's hand, somehow, had found itself on Asuka's breast. The moment she realized this, Asuka slugged Shinji right in the face.

"Stupid animal!"

"Pilots! Get your asses in the Eva! Right now!"

"This can't be good," Rei replied, her voice displaying, for perhaps the first time Asuka had ever known her, a note of fear.


	10. Chapter 10

**Part Ten**

"Okay! Prepare yourselves!"

Asuka gripped the control mechanism to her Eva, anxiety filling her body. Why was she so damn nervous, anyway? It was just a stupid Angel. They had killed each and every one of those bastards already, and none of the Pilots had died yet. So surely, surely, today would pass without a single difficulty. Besides, the last two Angels had been tricky. What were the chances that the next one would be just as difficult to dispatch?

The roof to the Geofront exploded inward as the Angel descended from the sky. Asuka didn't get a good look at the Eva before she grabbed the arsenal of weaponry at her side, aiming, and firing straight into the thick cloud of smoke. The bullets were deflected off into the air as they slammed into the Angel's AT Field. Just where the hell were those other three pilots, anyway? She needed backup!

She abandoned the two machine guns in favor of rocket launchers. The explosives flew at the Angel as it descended from the ceiling, only for the bombs to explode harmlessly against the AT Field. She swore in German under her breath as she fired a second barrage of rockets, and then another set. And again. And again. Every rocket exploded against the AT Field, leaving not even a mark against the Angel's hide.

Finally, the Fourteenth Angel descended to the ground. It resembled and armless tube, a dark fearsome creature, wearing a haunting mask where its face should have been. Two flaps hung limply by its sides where its arms should have been. They almost resembled flags of some sort.

"Well, what a stupid looking Angel," Asuka laughed. It wasn't scary at all.

Then why was she shivering?

She extended her rocket launchers, and fired, rapidly, at the Angel. Naturally, they exploded harmlessly against its AT Field. Suddenly, without warning, it's flag-like arms extended, like massive, violent ribbons, flying directly at Unit-02! Her eyes widened as the ribbons extended out to her Eva's shoulders.

"Damn it!"

There was an explosion. The arms were warped around the impact of the dual rocket launchers from far off. Asuka felt her body tremble as Toji's avatar appeared on her screen as it snarled, "Damn it! You just had to go out ahead of us! This isn't an egotrip, you know."

"Damn greenhorn! I was simply assessing the problem before you guys got there," Asuka replied.

"That is an ignorant course of action to take," Rei said, her avatar appearing in her screen.

"You could have gotten your arms sliced off," Shinji added.

"Will you all just shut the hell up already!? _Gott in Himmell_!" Asuka snarled.

The Angle had yet to fall. It glared at the Four Evangelions as they surrounded it, each one occupying a corner. Asuka felt annoyed that a novice like Toji had to go ahead and save her. Hell, that was even worse than if, say, Rei had saved her life or something ridiculous like that. Still, that was just one small thing. She would pay Toji back in full later, if she felt like it.

She had paid back Shinji, but, naturally, Shinji was higher up on Asuka's list of interests.

The Angel's ribbon-like arms extended outward toward Toji, who managed to evade the weaponry. He extended his two rocket launchers straight at the Angel, firing a dual round of lethal explosions straight into the Angel's mask. They exploded harmlessly against its AT Field, as expected.

"What we have to do is eliminate the AT Field," Rei replied, anxiously.

"Rei, you are aware that you only have one arm, right?" Asuka asked, bewildered by Eva Unit-00's mauled frame. Had they not fixed her all the way since the last fight.

"The damage is minimal," Rei replied, "I don't even feel the arm, so it's completely fine. Insignificant."

"You're Eva's missing a freakin' arm and that's insignificant?" Toji stammered.

The Angel's ribbon-like arms returned to their original location. The hideous mask glared straight at Toji, its eyes glowing brilliantly for an instant. Before any of them could do anything, there was a massive explosion that enveloped Unit-03! Asuka stared in horror as the Eva was thrown into the air, landing heavily on the ground. There was a large hole in the Eva's chest. Gingerly, Unit-03 pushed itself up, only for the ribbon-like arms to extend sharply at Unit-03.

It was time to pay him back for his debt. Asuka sprinted over to the middle ground as the arms shot at Toji. However, she could see Unit-01 dashing toward the same location, only toward the opposite arm. Asuka snarled into her moniter "Shinji! You grab one, and I'll grab the other! Got it?"

"Yeah!"

Unit-01 complied with the strategy. The moment they reached the arms, before they had a chance to slice off Unit-03's head, he grabbed the ribbon-like arm, squeezing it with intense ferocity. At the same time, Unit-02 grabbed the same arm with both hands. She felt her palms being shredded as the arm skidded against her Eva's hands. She ignored the pain, only to squeeze harder against the arm. At long last, the arms stopped, within her grasp at last. The same could be said for Eva-01.

"Rei! Slice these arms off with your knife!" Asuka snarled, struggling to keep the arm from escaping.

"Affirmative."

Rei rushed forward, the progressive knife in her single hand. She extended the weapon, and sliced down upon the ribbon. Asuka felt the arm slacken as the blade severed the arm. Blood splattered out of the devastated arm, now hanging limply from the Angel's body. Before Rei could sever the second arm, however, she was blown backward by a sudden explosion of light, thrown straight into the ground.

"Damn it!" Shinji screamed as she struggled against the other arm.

Asuka was about to sever that arm, but, before he could, Unit-03 pushed itself up, and dashed around Unit-01, and toward the Angel. With a sharp slice, the other arm was severed.

The Angel shrieked in pain as it staggered backward, its limp arms hanging at its sides. Asuka grinned. Now that those damned arms have been taken care of, all that remained was that Angel.

"Rei, are you okay?" Shinji asked.

"The pain isn't crippling," Rei replied, gingerly, "I'm still able to fight."

"Well, that works for me," Toji said, "I can keep this up."

"We need to corrode its AT Field!" Asuka replied, smirking, "That's it. Alright, Shinji and I will head over there to corrode the field, and Rei will fire a rocket straight into its S2 Engine."

"What do I do?" Toji asked, curiously.

"Distract it by firing rockets into its back. That way, it'll focus on you more," Asuka replied.

"So I'm a damn decoy?!"

"Exactly."

"Jesus!"

They were brought back to reality the moment Rei leapt out of the way to avoid a massive explosion. Her Eva was undamaged, but it was enough to alert them to reality. The duo of Shinji and Asuka sprinted toward the Angel as Toji fired rapid fire at it from a distance, dashing around in circles in order to avoid the inevitable explosions that followed him. The bullets were enough to bring out the Angel's AT Field, visible to the naked eye. Asuka and Shinji, on opposite sides of the Angel, reached out for the field, and grabbed it in their hands.

Asuka could feel energy surging throughout her body. An unpleasant strain consumed her as she struggled for dear life to wrench the field apart. She could see Unit-01 doing the same, struggling against the Angel's field. The ground shook with their effort as sparks flew from the AT Field. In a matter of moments, the duo had wrenched a gap in the Field. That gap gave, and soon the entire AT Field had been wrenched to pieces!

"Rei! Do it now!" Asuka snarled.

Rei fired a single rocket straight into the Angel's S2 Engine. The moment it collided, the very instant of impact, they exploded outward. The Angel shrieked in pain as a hole was drilled straight through its body. Blood splattered on the ground as the Angel fell to the floor, still and motionless.

For a moment, no one moved. Asuka exhaled deeply as she struggled to breathe. The effort to take the Angel down had been extensive. It had been almost impossible to eliminate the field, had it not been for Shinji. Alone, it would have been impossible. Hell, she couldn't imagine what it would have been like it they had fought it one by one. Asuka would be down, for one, as would the rest of them. Maybe they'd wear it down, just maybe, but the fact remained it would have been damn near impossible. They'd need a miracle of some sort.

"Good work, guys!" Misato's face appeared on her screen, a congratulatory look upon her face, "You did amazing back there!"

"Thanks!" Asuka said, smiling.

"You worked together as a team. That's why you won," Misato replied, "I'm proud of all of you."

"Thank you…" Shinji said, in awe at how powerful such a compliment was.

"Wow! Thanks a bunch, Misato!" Toji said, his eyes dialated as he stared into Misato's avatar.

"Toji, don't forget Hikari," Asuka mumbled in a threatening tone.

"Hey! Just window shopping! No big deal."

"Oh right. Window shopping. Well, Hikari might want to return a certain product, unsatisfied."

"Hey!"

"Uh, guys?" Misato attempted to regain order. She managed to succeed. "Well, that's it for today. Great job!"

The moment the Evas returned to base, Asuka leapt out of the Eva, and sighed, exhausted, "Hey Shinji! Did that AT Field take a lot out of you? I mean, I'm exhausted."

"Same here," Shinji replied, sighing.

"Well, at least you didn't get holes drilled in you or have to be a walking target," Toji mumbled.

"All of you are over exaggerating your own misfortunes," Rei replied, shaking her head, "None of you fought with one arm, received serious damage, and still fought."

"Eh, she has a point," Toji replied, shrugging.

"Yeah. Wonder Girl does have a point there," Asuka mumbled.

"You haven't called me Wonder Girl in some time," Rei replied.

"Oh? I haven't? Yeah, you're right."

"And you haven't been a complete Demon lately either," Toji replied, stretching out his arms, "Just a small one."

"A small demon!? I'll show you a small demon…" Asuka mumbled, venomously.

"Still, it's been nice, hasn't it?" Shinji replied, surprising himself by his tone.

"Yeah. It really has been," Asuka replied, smiling serenely.

"Well, knowing our luck, maybe it will screw itself up somewhere along the lines," Toji mumbled, "Just how many more of these angels are we going to fight, anyway?"

"Commander Ikari said that there might only be a total of three additional angels," Rei replied.

"Wait, three?" Asuka replied, surprised, "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Three."

"But how does he know? He could be wrong, right?"

"Perhaps, but that is extremely unlikely."

"Don't tell me you're gonna miss those freaks, are you?" Toji asked, "Or do you simply relate to Demons like you?"

"Shut up!"

She could feel anxiety consume her once again. Only three angels? No, that couldn't be right. The end couldn't be so damn near. She couldn't be that close to the end of such a massive chapter of her life. She was an Eva Pilot. That was it. It was that simple, God damn it. Without that, without that column, that pillar, supporting her very life, what did she have left? What was she without it? She felt sweat explode from every pore on her body as she felt her heart sear with pain.

But she couldn't let the others see. They'd think she was nuts. Hell, maybe she was nuts. After all, if she was losing her mind over the fact that she couldn't pilot anymore, she had to be insane! She had to be a lunatic, right? Right? She had to be unstable, had to be on the edge, right? Right?! Someone just had to tell her! Someone had to tell her she was either a nut or she was perfectly sane. She just couldn't live without someone just assuring her that she'd be alright!

Somebody answer!!

"Asuka, what's wrong?"

Asuka glanced up as Shinji shook her to her senses. The others were staring at her. Had she gone through some sort of strange episode? Had she been acting funny? Well, if the emotions bubbling beneath the skin were any indication of how she had been acting, chances are it would appear to the ordinary human being that her panic attack was more akin to a full blown heart attack or psychotic episode.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," Asuka stammered, rising to her feet as she brushed her hair out of her eyes, "Just…I don't know."

"You looked like you were having a spasm or something like that," Toji replied.

"Are you having an anxiety attack, Pilot Sohryu?"

"No, just…I'm fine. Really. Perfectly fine."

And yet, as the days passed, as weeks passed, as an entire month and then some passed, the possibility of a day dawning without Eva and Angels and conflicts and all other sorts of struggles seemed to permeate throughout her life. She couldn't help but see herself in a matter of months, without Eva, a nervous wreck unable to control her own emotions. She could see the others happy, see Hikari feeding Toji whatever delicious dish she had concocted that night. See Misato and Kaji having sex and pleasuring each other. See Rei patiently reading a book by the lake. See Shinji playing his cello delicately. But then she'd see herself, huddled in a corner, naked, crying all alone without anyone else beside her to console her. To tell her that she had a purpose in life.

And just what was that purpose? To pilot Eva, of course. That was her sole purpose in the world.

"That's ridiculous!" Dr. Tamako laughed, "Piloting Eva isn't the only thing you're good at."

"What else am I good for?" Asuka asked her as she finished her hand in Rummy, "I mean, I've lived to be a pilot my entire life. It's all I'm good at!"

"You graduated college as a teenager. I'm sure you're good at many other things."

"That's not the point."

"Then what is the point?"

"The point is I have to pilot it! It's my job! My life!"

"You define your existence on your job?" Dr. Tamako replied, frowning.

"Yes."

"I thought you had gotten over being the best."

"No! It isn't just being the best anymore, it's actually piloting," Asuka cried, "I have to pilot. I just can't take life if I don't have Eva! I need it! I need it…"

"Well, no one said you couldn't pilot Eva after the Angels were gone, you know," Dr. Tamako replied, "I mean, they'll still be opportunities to pilot the Eva, like in warfare and whatnot."

"But I don't want to be a soldier," Asuka mumbled, "I want to pilot. The glory. The respect. Everything. And the excitement. The thrill. I just need it to survive. I need it!"

"Listen," Dr. Tamako said, putting a hand on Asuka's shoulder, "There are more things that define a person than simply their functions. A lot more. Like the people you know. The experiences you've had. Your own personal opinions of yourself. Even if you don't acknowledge that now, those elements are still a part of you and your being. You can ignore them, sure, but they're a part of you. Your past, present, and future are all influencing your existence."

"Of course my future is!" Asuka snarled, "Without Eva, I'm worthless. I don't even deserve to—"

"Don't say that," Dr. Tamako said, her voice serious, "Listen to yourself. Killing yourself just because you can't pilot Eva is probably one of the most cowardly things you can possibly do."

The image of her mother hanging by a noose right in front of her eyes reappeared in her vision. She could hear herself, in her memories, crying "Don't kill me too!!" Tears sprang to her real eyes as she slumped against her own knees, crying into them. Dr. Tamako raised an eyebrow as she stared down at Asuka's sobbing form.

"What's wrong? Asuka? Asuka?"

"I've had enough," Asuka replied, her voice barely a whisper, "I'm going home. I want to go home. Please let me go home."

"Asuka, are you sure you don't want to get it off—"

"Let me go home!" snarled Asuka, violently slamming her fist against Dr. Tamako's desk.

"Control yourself. Listen, please. Do you want me to play some music for you?" Dr. Tamako reached for a CD player, and pressed play. A soothing song emanated from the speakers, at which Asuka felt her body loosen and the tension ebb away.

"What is this?" Asuka asked.

"This is music by a man named Bach," Dr. Tamako replied, "Beautiful song, no?"

"Why are you playing it now?"

"It's supposed to relax you. Make you more open. I want to talk to you. Clearly you need to talk to someone right now. You're overly stressed out. I can't blame you. You have so many responsibilities in this world and they're all piled up on top of your shoulders one by one. Surely you need a vent. Please, just tell me what's wrong."

Asuka thought of her mother, hanging from the rafters. She needed to tell her. She just had to explain the source of all her pain and suffering. She had to tell someone! But she kept her mouth shut. She had remained silent about that incident for years. She didn't want people who didn't have to know about her past know just what had happened to her mother. It wasn't their business. Even if she was a shrink, Dr. Tamako didn't need to know. Neither did Shinji, for that matter.

"I want to go home."

It took a minute for her to leave Dr. Tamako behind. Fifty minutes later, Asuka was alone next to Kaji as they drove down the dark street. Kaji ran a hand up his hair as he said, gently, "You know, Asuka, you've been loosing weight."

Asuka didn't response.

"You aren't growing up to become anorexic, right? You were always a thin girl."

No response.

"Listen to me. I'm going to go away for a little while. Just a few weeks."

"Where?"

"She speaks. At long last. Well, the truth is that I'm not entirely sure quite where this place is right now. I mean, it could be several different places."

"Really? Enlighten me," Asuka said in a hollowed out husk of a voice.

"Well, one place might be pretty hot. Fiery, actually. Down south."

"Hot?"

"I hope I don't head down there, though. Awfully nasty bunch of people there. Thankfully, I think I'm safe from being sent down to that pit."

"What's the name? I might have been there in the past. I've been to a few different places like that."

"It's awfully hellish, I'll tell you that. But another place may just be a bit more north of here. Rather pleasant place. I hope to end up being sent up there, but I am not entirely certain I have all of the qualifications."

"What do you mean?" Asuka asked, apathetically.

"I just need to be able to say that I've made sure that I've affected people positively in my life. Like you, Asuka. I wouldn't bare to head up there knowing I still have to help you guys out."

"Why not? Go off and enjoy yourself. You've earned it," Asuka mumbled.

"Perhaps. But I'd be away from Misato for quite some time. I'd hate to do that," Kaji said, his voice distant.

"You love her, right?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you do it with her?"

"Have sex? Why, that's something of a private question."

"I don't care. It won't affect the way I see you."

"Well, to answer your curiosity, we have."

"Figures."

There was a moment of silence before Kaji said, softly, "Asuka, I might not be able to see you for some time."

"Okay. I'll wait for you."

"Don't worry about that, Asuka," Kaji said, pulling into the parking lot complex of Misato's apartment. Of Shinji's apartment. Of Asuka's home.

"Why not?"

Kaji frowned, "Listen, Asuka, before I go. I just want to tell you something important."

"What's that?"

Kaji leaned in closer to Asuka. At first, she thought he was going to whisper something in her ear, but his lips missed her ear and skidded across her cheek. She felt Kaji peck her check, only for blush to run scarlet up her face. Kaji pulled his face away, and said, delicately, "I need to tell you two things. Number one, if you love someone, please don't wait for them. Pursue it. Make sure that if you're in love you grab it with both hands and never let go. And number two, don't let anyone else tell you who you are. You are who you are. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But at the same time, never base your entire life on one thing. You are too good to have one function."

Asuka didn't know it as she let Kaji drive away that night that, for as long as she lived, she would never lay eyes on the one named Ryoji Kaji ever again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Part Eleven**

"Aren't you hungry?"

"No. It tastes like crap."

"What about TV?"

"Nothing's on."

"Do you want to go shopping?"

"Don't need anything."

"Don't worry about that sync ratio test. I mean, you were probably just not—"

"Will you shut up?!" Asuka snarled at Shinji, rising to her feet, her eyes full of fury.

"Uh, sure. Okay…" Shinji said, pulling away anxiously as Asuka returned to her seat by the dinner table, throwing her head into her arms.

The previous three hours remained embedded in her mind's eye. She hadn't just dropped her sync ratio. It had plummeted, was destroyed. She was at the same level as that damn Toji! Toji, for God's sake! And why was that? She had no idea. She didn't understand why that had to be the case. Why she had fallen.

No, she knew why. She knew exactly why she had failed. A lot was on her mind. Only three Angels left? The end in sight? Not possible. It could not happen to her! It just wasn't fair! It was like a person with cancer being told how many days she had left until she died. You know the end is in sight, and you dread it with all your heart. Well, that was exactly how it felt now, in this very situation. Her end was in sight. The end of her life, piloting, was in sight.

"I'm just worried, you know," Shinji said, sitting down next to her, a concerned expression on his face.

"Go away. Don't talk to me."

"Listen, please!"

"What?!"

"You're killing yourself over this. Over piloting, aren't you?"

"Oh, you're quite the observant one, aren't you? Why don't you right a damn book about how God damn observant you are? Why don't you go off and be observant with Rei and Toji and the rest of your damn friends? Why don't you—"

"You're killing yourself over all of this!" Shinji cried.

"No I'm not."

"You haven't eaten properly for the last week. You almost look sick."

This was very true. She had lost weight. Her skin was pasty and pale. Just walking into the synchronization room, Ritsuko actually did a double take, her eyes in complete shock at how ill she looked. Maya had even asked if she was up to taking the test. Perhaps they'd say that Asuka's results were invalid because of how sick she looked. Well, she did feel sick. Very sick. Disgusting.

"Listen, just leave me alone," Asuka muttered, "Please, leave me alone."

""You're going into your shell."

"I don't have a damn shell. Just leave me—"

"I won't."

Asuka glanced up at his determined eyes, how serious his expression was. How intense. Well, his passion was admirable. She'd give him that. Still, she found it funny how the longing she had had to touch him was, despite the pain she felt inside, even more intense. And yet she was held back from touching him, her body weighed down as though lead weights had been attached to her appendages.

"Listen, Asuka. You're tearing yourself up over this. I can't let you just kill yourself because of something so minor. Please! I don't want you to leave my life!"

"What?"

"I need you in my life. It's that simple. I don't want you to leave me!"

"You don't want me to leave you?" Asuka repeated. As she did so, the image of a sobbing little girl crying "Don't leave me, mommy!" She grabbed her hair as she snarled, angrily, "Please shut up! Don't talk anymore!"

"Please, Asuka—"

"Just get the Hell out!"

School wasn't much different either. She had joined her friends for lunch, sure, but made little to no effort to talk to them. With the exception of Hikari, in fact, none of them had been able to get a word. Although, Hikari was able to feed Asuka some of her lunch. She was the only one who Asuka would even willingly acknowledge, let alone talk to. Had it not been for Hikari, Asuka might have died of starvation.

"You're getting too thin, Asuka," Hikari said, anxiously, "I mean, you're a thin girl and all, but your cheekbones are starting to stick out."

"Do I look gaunt or something?"

"Not quite, no. But you might if you keep this up."

"Figures."

"Are you trying to become an anorexic?" Hikari asked, "Because if you are—"

"No, it's just that nothing tastes good at all," Asuka replied, "It just tastes like sand in my mouth."

"I see…"

Aside from Shinji and Asuka, only Misato and Rei had tried to open Asuka up. Misato's attempts had simply been trying to take her aside and force her to eat. However, as of late, Asuka had noticed that Misato was more melancholy than usual. She was drinking coffee instead of beer. It wasn't uncommon to see her eyes red and puffy. Whatdid she have to cry about? Being separated from Kaji for a week or two? Well, he'd be back before Misato knew it.

Rei's approach was different. Appearing out of nowhere as Rei only could, she'd seek Asuka out, and follow her for an hour on end, attempting to talk in her hoarse, soft voice about inconsequential things. Occasionally, Asuka would respond with brief, short answers. Still, Rei didn't deserve such an offhand, indifferent treatment. Her heat was in the right place. It was just that Asuka really didn't care.

She really didn't care about anything, anymore.

It was during another sync test, Asuka gaunt and weak, sickly, the taste of LCL nauseating, that the alarm sounded off.

"Alright, we have confirmation of a new Angel," Misato informed the four pilots as they were taken out of their tests earlier than necessary, "The target is in space. We will have Shinji fire the Positron—"

"Let me do it," Asuka snapped.

"What? Asuka…" Misato grumbled, tensely.

"I have to do it. I need to do it. I have to kill it. We don't have all too many chances left."

"What do you mean?" Misato asked, an eyebrow raised.

"They're only three angels left, right?" Asuka asked, a little stunned.

"This is true," Rei replied, "Commander Ikari told me."

"So you mean we're almost done?" Misato cheered, pounding the air, "So the Angels are almost extinct?"

"You aren't helping the situation," Asuka snarled, "That just means I have less chances to get this right. To finish these Angels once and for all. Let me kill this one!"

"Alright. If it means so much to you, do it. But have the others as backup."

"Agreed."

Asuka was on the surface with a Positron Rifle in hand about a minute later. The Angel drifted beyond her view, high into space. Even if there hadn't been a plethora of clouds in the way, Asuka wouldn't have seen it. Still, her rifle's aiming mechanism could see it. She aimed into the sky, followed by the digital crosshairs. This was one of her last chances to kill an Angel. Not only was it one of the last Angels, but with her performance lately, she knew that Ritsuko saw that she was useless. Her synch ratio was so low it was ridiculous. All she needed was one failure, and she'd be banned from piloting.

There was a flash of light that illuminated the world around her. She heard the chorus of angels around her. At first, she felt nothing. However, a second passed, and she felt anxiety fill her entire body. She felt fear overtake her, terror, pain that was all consuming, as she felt drills of several assortments drilling straight through her skull and straight into her brain!

She screamed in undying agony as she grabbed her skull, crying in pain as weights slammed against her body. She saw images and voices explode in her head. She fired the rifle randomly, perhaps only for the sake to squeeze something, anything, as agony overtook her. She couldn't endure this psychotic pain.

And then the world disappeared around her. She was dragged into a dark, endless abyss of bleak dark pain and suffering. She could hear her mother's voice whispering in her ears.

"Come die with me."

And her own voice responding.

"If that's what you want…just don't stop being my mother…"

A solitary doll hung by a noose, a never-ending noose that stretched up into oblivion. A flash of words and concepts repeatedly reappeared in her conscious mind, burning into her brain as the image of herself as a little girl crying. Sobbing. Why was she crying? She had sworn she would never cry, that she'd remain strong and unable to cry. Why was she being such a damn baby now?

And then the scene dissolved to show a doll with its head wrenched off as painfully as possibly, the stuffing spilled over the floor. "Why don't you like dolls?" she could hear a voice asking her.

She stamped down on the doll with her own foot, wanting the doll just disappear forever. Just to get it out of her life. "I don't need to play with dolls!" she cried, kicking the stuffing aside, as though that would make it disappear.

And then everything dissolved again, only for her to see herself, smiling. She could see herself speaking things she had said in the past, again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

"Charmed, huh?"

"Are you stupid?"

"Now's my chance."

"Look at me damn it! Look at me!"

Was this what people thought she was like? Was this what she was in their brains. She fell to her knees as her own face remained in the forefront of her vision, the same statements repeated over and over and over again. She screamed at the top of her lungs as the images remained embedded in her brain, unable to disappear despite how much she willed the image to vanish.

And then it all disappeared. She was alone on a street, watching as many voiceless silhouettes, all like dolls, drifted against her, knocking her into oblivion. As she tumbled into the street, she could see only one face: Shinji.

Why the hell was he here?! Was it because that she loved him? That she wanted him? But did he want her? She was about to scream that he had never even touched her or held her, but it was only then that everything stopped exactly where it was.

"Wait a second…"

Shinji had touched her. The image of his face remained superimposed before her vision. She had been touched by Shinji. If anything, he had reached out more to her than she had to him. She had ignored him, hurt him, abused him. She didn't deserve to be touched if she was so cruel to him. She felt tears come to her eyes as Shinji's face disappeared.

She was naked on the floor, in the middle of a jungle gym, as a new figure appeared. It looked like her, holding a little doll, as it stared down at her, with pity. Asuka glanced up, tears in her eyes, as she asked, weakly, "Just who are you?"

The girl smiled, "An Angel."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Asuka asked, weakly, "Why do you enjoy hurting me like this?"

"Why do you enjoy killing my brothers?"

"Brothers?"

The girl nodded. "My big brothers came here one by one, and you attacked first. You attacked first, so my last two made the first strike. And then you killed them."

"So are you doing this to punish me?"

"No, just to see why you do what you do. You are a sad individual."

"What?"

"You have lived in misery all your life. You can only survive by hurting us and killing us."

"But I'm saving the world!"

"You're doing it for selfish reasons. You are only doing it to preserve your own self-image. Without it, you'd fall apart. If I wanted to, I could destroy your mind and make you a vegetable. If I wanted to, anyway. Then Kaworu would rise and avenge us."

"Who's Kaworu?"

"Your humans will call him Tabris, just as you humans will label me with the name Arael."

"Please don't. Please don't kill me."

"Yes, but on a single condition."

"What?"

"You allow me to occupy your shell. I will offer you power enough to defend your race when the time comes. Your greatest challenge will not be against an Angel, but against your fellow Lilim."

"Lilim? Power? Alright. As long as you let me be me and stop this nightmare!"

"Don't worry. If anything, your piloting skills will become perfect."

The world dissolved around her again. She plummeted through darkness, hearing a voice in her ear.

"The Lance of Longinus has missed the target. Target…self-destrcuted?"

"Was it Asuka?"

"Her Synch Ratio is…99.9!?"

"This doesn't make sense!"

As reality returned around Asuka, her true eyes fluttered shut as the darkness of unconsciousness overtook her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Part Twelve**

Slowly, light filled Asuka's vision. Blinding light from an open window. She blinked, slowly forcing the blue hue burned into her retina into submission. She could see a ceiling, a tiled one, rather unfamiliar to her. The moment after adjusting to the mild surprise that she was not actually in her own bed, she noticed something else. A massive vase filled with yellow roses.

"Roses?"

"They're supposed to represent friendship. At least, that's what Hikari said when she and Rei sent them."

"Rei sent roses? Now that's strange…"

Asuka glanced over to her left side. Leaning in a chair was Shinji. His eyes were filled with relief. Had he been waiting for her? Well, if he had, he hadn't been alone. Next to him was Hikari, whose expression was also relieved. Joyous, almost, at seeing her friend return to consciousness. Beside her was Rei, who was placing the same light novel that Asuka had given her before into her bag. Even Toji was there, although he was standing behind Hikari with his hands on her shoulders.

"Why are you guys here?" Asuka asked, weakly.

"We've been worried," Hikari replied, "The doctor said that your body gave out from fatigue. You haven't been eating nearly enough, he said. You couldn't take the stress from whatever happened to you in that Eva."

"Was that it?" Asuka replied, her head slumping down on her soft pillow.

"What did happen there?" Rei asked, curiously.

Asuka recalled what had happened. She had had that horrific nightmarish hallucination. She felt filthy, violated. It was almost as though she had been raped, only rather than her body being intruded it had been the sanctuary of her very mind. And then she had seen Shinji's face, and the pain had sort of dissolved. It had sort of just fizzled out. She had still been miserable, yes, but it had sort of fallen and subsided into a weak sensation as opposed to an all consuming one. And then Arael had spoken to her, and had merged with her.

Was that all just a dream?

"Not certain," Asuka replied, "I don't know what was real and what wasn't."

"Ritsuko mentioned something about having the angel intruding your mind," Toji replied, "Trying to understand your thought process or something to that effect."

"So that part was real," Asuka mumbled, running a hand through her hair.

"What happened?" Hikari asked.

Funny. For all the times she loved to hog the spotlight, now was a moment in her life where she wished everyone would just leave her alone. Irony in its greatest form. She had to just sort her own thoughts out for herself. And yet she couldn't bear to be alone. She needed someone, anyone, to talk to and communicate with. She needed to see them for herself.

"Well, it was a nightmare," Asuka mumbled, gently, "Everything horrible about myself, I saw just placed out there on the table. Every horrible thing I've done, every horrible thing done to me, around me, and by the end it was just so unbearable."

"Did you even see—" Hikari began, only to be cut off by Asuka again.

"Yes, I saw the whole thing with my mother."

"What whole thing with—" Toji began, only for Hikari to shoot him a dirty look that shut him up.

Asuka felt tears rush to her eyes. Why was she being so weak? Why couldn't she just muster enough strength to just tell a damn story? Why did it feel so good just to cry and let it all out? Why did it feel right when she was sobbing and showing the world exactly how she felt? She had been strong her entire life. Had that been restraining her? Holding in her emotions like chains binding Prometheus to his prison?

"After that," Asuka went on, "The Angel appeared in my vision. Arael, I think he or she or whatever it was said its name was. He told me about someone named Kaworu."

"Same name that the Angel in Unit-03 mentioned," Toji mumbled.

"Said that it just wanted to see why I killed the other Angels," Asuka continued, brushing tears aside, "So it had looked through my memories and made me suffer."

"Bastard," Hikari mumbled.

"But he said he f-felt b-b-bad for me," Asuka continued, starting to stutter in her sobbing, "Said he pitied me. He told me that he should of just d-d-d-deleted my mi-mind or something so Kaworu would r-rise. But he said that he-he-he wa-wanted to…to…"

Asuka paused a moment for the tears to run their course. She now had no real reason to cry. Arael had granted her power. Granted her strength beyond even Shinji. Surely that was nothing to cry about. And yet, if Asuka said that she had an Angel living inside of her, wouldn't they report her to Ritsuko? Have the Angel removed? Well, she couldn't allow that. She'd lose her power if that happened.

"What did he say?" Hikari asked, worried.

"I don't remember," Asuka mumbled, "All I do know is that I didn't like it, I struggled against him, and I actually reversed his power back on him."

"That's pretty intense!" Toji applauded, "Well, that shows that bastard whose boss, huh?"

"Yeah, but I had this feeling come over me that he knew something I didn't. Involving something called Lilim. Whatever they are."

"Well, once this Kaworu guy shows up, we'll have to figure it out," Toji said.

"Something about the last enemy we'd need to fight being a Lilim. I don't get what a Lilim is, though."

"We'll find out," Shinji sighed.

It took a few days for Asuka to be let go of the hospital. In that short amount of time, she had recovered greatly. The doctors had suggested that she went to an anorexic rehabilitation center, but she had insisted that she had no intension of being anorexic and that she had lost a lot of weigh related to stress, not some obsessive desire to be skinny. Still, she might as well had gone to a rehabilitation center because Misato put her on a brief diet that involved her eating foods high in starch until her weight stabilized at her ordinary level.

"But what if I get fat?" Asuka complained as Shinji handed her a bowl of rice.

"You won't," Misato said, "This is a temporary thing. You're eating habits are too well developed to change over the course of a week or two."

This was true. Asuka returned to her original weight in a matter of days. The moment the diet was dropped, Asuka immediately returned to her ordinary habits, finding no difficulty in doing so. She was grateful for that much.

However, she did notice that Shinji was catering to her more. Sure, during the entire diet thing this made sense. However, after it had ended, it didn't make sense that Shinji would ask her how she felt more frequently than usual, pay extra attention to her when she was watching television, or even why he'd make sure she slept comfortably! Sure, she wasn't really complaining, as the extra pampering was incredibly pleasurable, but it didn't make sense to her.

No, it did make sense.

He loved her.

"Hey, Shinji?" Asuka asked one night as Misato left to handle important business, "Did I ever tell you about my mother?"

"Your mother?" Shinji asked, raising an eyebrow, "No, you never did mention it."

Asuka sighed, "Yeah, that's right. Never told you. Just Hikari and Rei."

"You mentioned you didn't like your stepmom though. Sometime in the past."

"It's not that simple. I just don't think she's like my mom. I mean, it's not that I don't like her, she's just sort of there."

"I think I can understand."

Could he? Did he ever have a stepmom? She knew his mother had died years ago, but clearly his father hadn't pursued any other relationship. If he had a feminine touch his life, maybe Commander Ikari wouldn't be such a damn stiff. Still, regardless, the fact remained that he didn't have a clue just how she felt.

Although, she hoped, by the end of their little conversation, he would.

"Listen, my mother, she was involved with work on Eva Unit-02 when they were working on something important to it. They never told me. I was too little to understand."

"Really?" Shinji asked, somewhat surprised.

"Yeah. All I know is that when she returned, she was different. She had lost her mind. I was told later that she had started regretting her life up until that point or something. I'm not sure. All I know is that I had been replaced by a doll."

"A doll?"

"She thought the doll was me."

"But that doesn't make sense."

"Well, it doesn't need to. Imagine spending every day staring at your mother through a sheet of glass, watching her stroking a doll while you watched, speaking to it like it were you. Imagine seeing the woman who raised you and gave birth to you losing her mind in front of your eyes and all you can do is watch. As it all progressed, I remember her saying that she wanted to die. I remember hearing it for months, years, watching the two of them in that room while my father made love to her damn nurse in the other room."

Shinji's eyes were wide, mortified even, but Asuka had not finished her story. "Then, one day, I received the news of a lifetime. I was chosen to be an Eva pilot. It was so amazing that I ran all the way home, excited and joyous. So happy. She had been sent home because the doctors thought she was improving. I thought maybe she'd be able to recognize me for who I was and recognize what was happening. I was laughing so hard when I opened the door to my house. My mother…my mother…she was there, just sort of…hanging from the ceiling. Her body was just rocking back and forth like a pendulum. Just there. In a noose. And next to her was the doll that she thought was me."

Shinji's face was white, his eyes wide and his mouth distressed. Asuka couldn't look at him, so rather she looked at her white knuckles as they clenched into fists on the table. "She had wanted to die. And she wanted me to die with her. Do you know how it feels to know that your own mother wanted to kill you? And not only to kill you, but to kill herself with you? I couldn't endure it. I thought that I was worthless and powerless. But I never cried. I never cried when they put her in the grave. I could only stare on, helplessly. I didn't cry. I couldn't cry."

Tears slid down the bridge of her nose as her eyes scrunched up, her mouth contorting as she began to sob silently, "I kn-kn-knew that I-I coul-couldn't cry. I had to b-b-b-be strong fo-for her. S-s-s-so she would acknowledge me, an-an-and not j-j-just want me to—"

Asuka felt arms wrap around her body as Shinji held her close to his body. She felt warmth fill her as tears that had been held back for an eternity spilled out of her body all in one gigantic tidal wave. She wondered how stupid she looked in the back of her head, knowing that only a weak baby would cry as she was crying now. She knew in her heart that she couldn't cry for Shinji now. And yet, no matter how hard she tried to hold the tears back, she refused to stop. She needed to get it all out. She knew that she needed to expose the scars that, for all her life, she had denied even existed.

"You don't need to hide it, Asuka," Shinji replied, "I don't think you'll believe me, but I know exactly how you feel."

"Do you?"

"Yes. My mother died and my father rejected me. I was left right there in the middle of the street."

"But you didn't hold in the pain like I did."

"I just let it consume me. But you resisted it, right? You're such a strong person."

"Stubborn."

"Maybe, but you didn't complain about being in pain. You endured it for years, silently. I just carried on about it."

"I'm not strong. That memory has consumed me for years. I didn't believe it did, but it was like a cancer or a virus. I thought I was stronger than it, but I just couldn't hold it in forever. I was just in denial."

"But you—"

"It was a damn façade, you idiot! I'm not strong at all, don't you get it?" How stupid was this idiot? Was he trying to make her feel better? Maybe he understood, but how could he ever tell her that she was strong? That all these years, her inability to admit that she was crying on the inside was strength? That she wasn't just a pile of cards, fascinating at first glance, waiting to tumble down? Didn't she see that she had damned herself the moment she said, years ago, that she'd never cry again? Didn't he get that? Well, didn't he?!

"You never complained."

"What?"

"You never complained. Even if it was a façade, it took strength to keep it up all the time. I've only seen you cry a couple of times, like in your sleep."

"In my sleep? What do you mean?"

"Remember when we had that synchronized attack?"

"Yeah."

"You came into my bed."

"Oh! That?"

"Yeah. I think I mentioned it—"

"When you tried to kiss me?"

"Uh…" Shinji clearly expected Asuka to slug him across the face, but, at this point in time, Asuka felt so drained of energy she could barely more her arms except to wrap them around Shinji's waist.

"Don't worry. I'll beat you up later."

"Thank God."

"You're not off the hook."

"Well, when you were sleeping, you started to cry and mutter 'mama'."

So even Shinji knew something was wrong with her. Asuka sighed. Was her façade that weak and fragile?

"I thought you were just being childish at first, but I had no idea that was what had happened. I wish there was something I could do to help you."

"There is one thing."

"What's that?"

Shinji stared down at Asuka as she pressed her cheek against Shinji's chest, tears staining his buttoned down shirt. "Don't leave me. Please don't let me go. Don't hurt me. And don't ever, ever, end your life."

Shinji was silent for a moment before saying, "I can do that."

"Good."

Upon returning to school, Asuka confessed to Hikari that she had told Shinji everything about her mother.

"Should I tell Toji too?" Hikari asked, stunned that she had actually confessed the matter willingly to someone else.

"You can if you want," Asuka replied, "It won't bother me at all."

"But why did you tell him?" Hikari asked.

"Had to tell someone. I couldn't keep it in anymore."

"I guess that makes sense," Hikari said, "But shouldn't you tell it to the psychologist too?"

Asuka had almost forgotten all about her. She nodded her head, acknowledging Hikari's point. "I guess I should."

That night, Misato drove her to the psychologist's office. Asuka stared at her as her eyes stared determinedly straight ahead, at the dark, nearly vacant highway. Asuka remained in silence for an extended period before Misato said, softly, "You told Shinji, didn't you?"

"Was it obvious?"

"Yes. I heard you."

"I thought you had left for business."

"I did, but I also had a camera installed in the room. You won't find it. It's hidden."

"No privacy."

"I'm the only one who saw," Misato said, smiling, "Would you rather Ritsuko see it as well?"

"No."

"Thought so. Well, don't worry. I just need to ask you a question."

"What?"

"Did it feel good to tell him?"

Asuka nodded. "I'm not going to lie. It really did."

"That's good. You're too young to have such a weight on your shoulders alone. You don't need to face it all alone."

Eventually, they pulled into the psychologist's office. In a matter of minutes, Asuka was in the office of Dr. Tamako, who was smiling. "You look healthier than you did last visit."

"Thanks."

"Well, before you say anything, I heard about your last Angel attack."

"Yeah."

"About the attack on your mind."

"That saves me time."

"No, it didn't. Do you want to explain what happened? Say it in your own words."

Asuka repeated the same story she had told the others. At the end of it, Dr. Tamako nodded slowly. "Well, Asuka, I have to say that last part, where you repelled the Angel off of you, that was untrue."

"What?" Asuka stammered, her eyes wide and shocked. How the hell did she know that she had lied about the end? Was it some sort of superpower psychologists had? Or was she bluffing?

"It's my job to see how your mind works. I can tell when you're lying. I'll tell you what. I'll play a little game with you. I'll flip a coin. Heads, you tell me another version, and tails, I believe your tale. Fair enough?"

"Are you sworn to secrecy?" Asuka asked.

"No one will ever hear what you said."

"No cameras?"

"None."

"Alright. I'll tell you the truth."

"Good. It was a trick coin anyway."

"The Angel told me that he wanted to help me, and he entered my body in order to allow me to master the powers of the Eva."

"I had a feeling that was the case," Dr. Tamako said, honestly, "Why else would he appear in front of you? If he could delete your mind, why not do it from the start?"

"So what do I do?"

"I'd like to talk to this Arael," Dr. Tamako replied, "Can you summon it for me?"

"But how do you expect me to do that?"

"Hypnosis."

"Hypnosis?"

"Yeah. Maybe if we bring him out, we can find out more about these Lilim."

Asuka bit her lip. She wanted to know what Arael had talked about. But what if he took over and didn't let her reassume control? What if he tried to overtake her again? To mind rape her again? Well, then again, what if she turned into an Angel herself? Still, her curiosity outweighed her fears.

"Alright. I'll do it."

The process went along smoothly. In a matter of minutes, Dr. Tamako had sent her into a trance. It felt comfortable, as though she were asleep. The rest of the world seemed to blend into an array of colors as she slept silently, quietly, before being snapped back into reality in what felt like a minute later.

"What happened?"

"Well, you've been under hypnosis for about half hour."

"Felt faster than that."

"Always does."

"What did you figure out?"

Dr. Tamako frowned. "Precious little. He mentioned that the next Angel's arrival was immanent, and that it will try to assimilate with another pilot, much like how Arael assimilated with you, in order to ward off the threat of these Lilim. However, he's afraid this pilot might be less likely to allow assimilation."

"Who is the target?" Asuka asked, nervously.

"The target, he said, is Rei Ayanami."


	13. Chapter 13

**Part Thirteen**

Rei Ayanami remained on her seat, patiently awaiting something, whatever that something was. She was still reading that same light novel that Asuka had given her, which she found rather spectacular. She didn't expect Rei held gifts like that so close to her heart. Still, Asuka had more important things to talk to this girl about. Things that were a matter of life and death.

Rei's life and death.

"Listen, Rei, can I talk to you in private for a little bit?" Asuka asked, tensely.

"Certainly," Rei said, rising to her feet.

Class hadn't started yet, and wouldn't start for a little bit of time. She had enough time to at least tell Rei what she knew. After all, if Rei resisted this next Angel, it might result in her death. Asuka did not want to see Rei dead. Despite her early prejudices, the blue haired girl had actually grown on her. Very much so, as a matter of fact. Asuka would even go as far as to call her a friend.

They separated themselves from the rest of the crowd as Asuka said, in a hushed voice, "This is about the next Angel attack."

"What do you know?" Rei asked.

"First of all, I want you to keep this a secret, okay?"

"I see no reason to object yet."

"Well, here's the deal. The next Angel is going to try to assimilate with you."

"I see."

"If you resist, you will die."

"Understood."

"You need for it to become one with you."

"Why?"

"How about the incentive that if you don't, you will die?"

"But what does it matter if I die?"

"What the hell does that mean?!" Didn't she value her own life at all? She had developed so much as time passed, growing up so much, and yet now she said she didn't care if she lived or died?! What about her? What about the people around her who would suffer if she died? What about herself? She would lose everything, right? She would have nothing left!

"If this shell drops, another will replace it," Rei said, solemnly.

"What do you mean?" Asuka asked.

Rei glanced down at her toes, anxiously. "You wouldn't understand. It's too complicated a matter to relay by words alone. You need to see it to believe it."

"Listen, Rei, you need to allow this to come to pass! You need to assimilate with the Angel!" Asuka snarled, grabbing Rei by the shoulders.

"I cannot assimilate with the Angel," Rei replied, "It is more complex a matter than you could ever imagine."

Asuka squeezed her friend's shoulders with a vice-like grip as she snarled, desperately, "Listen! If you don't assimilate with him, people will die. A lot of people will die! The Lilim will destroy everything!"

"The Lilim?" Rei responded, "So in order to combat these Lilim, we need to assimilate with Angels?"

"Exactly."

"What a curious conundrum," Rei mumbled.

"So will you help us?"

"If I assimilate with an Angel, that will only create more problems. An infinitely greater quantity of problems."

"Like what?"

"Once again, it is indescribable."

What? Did she think that Asuka couldn't understand a simple matter like this? Well, so be it. She stared into Rei's eyes, intensity filling her face, and said, softly, "Please, tell me. I don't want to lose you."

Rei glanced at her toes, and sighed, "If I told you, you'd probably reject me with all your being."

"No, I wouldn't."

"I'll explain after school. But if it becomes too much for you to handle, Pilot Sohryu, I want you to tell me, and I will stop my explanation."

And thus Asuka waited patiently for the day to end. The moment the final bell rang, Asuka ensured that herself and Rei would be the ones to clean up. And thus they found a room to themselves, Rei and Asuka alone. The moment Asuka ensured that the hallways were vacant of eavesdroppers, she turned to Rei, and said, "Okay. Ready to explain?"

"I said I had to show you."

"No time. The Angel could come before you had the chance to show me."

"A very good reason, I suppose."

"Can you tell me now?"

"Alright," Rei said, "The truth is that I am a clone."

"A clone?"

Rei nodded. "My cells borrow the genetic code of Yui Ikari."

"Oh, who's…wait a second, did you say Ikari?"

"Yes. Ikari."

"As in Shinji?"

"Yes."

"So, are you trying to tell me that you're a clone of Shinji's mom?"

Rei nodded. "As I said before, Pilot Sohryu, this concept is probably extremely difficult for you to understand as it is."

Was that an understatement! Asuka's eyelid twitched as she tried to comprehend what she knew so far. Rei was Shinji's mom. Or at least her clone. What struck her the most wasn't so much that Rei was a clone. She had knew something was strange with Wonder Girl the moment she met her that wasn't human. And she wasn't even too shocked by the fact that Rei was a clone of Shinji. What bothered her most was that Asuka had kissed Shinji in front of Rei, who was really Shinji's mom? The very idea was completely morally bankrupt!

"But there is more for you to know," Rei said, "The truth is that my body also occupies the soul of Lilith."

"Lilith?" Asuka asked, not sure how much she wanted to know.

"Lilith is the Second Angel, the mother of humanity," Rei replied, softly, "So, in a way, I am an Angel."

Asuka could only stare in shock. So Rei was a clone of Shinji's mom AND an Angel? Maybe ignorance was bliss. Maybe she should have never pressed the matter. Maybe she should have just wandered in ignorance and never questioned the nature of Rei's existence.

"If Adam or any of the Angels born of Adam assimilates with me, I'll have no choice but to assimilate with Lilith herself. And if Adam and Lilith become one again, Third Impact will occur."

"Third Impact?"

"I am the key to Third Impact. The Instrumentality of all mankind. My existence means the end of everything, and the rebirth to a world entirely unlike any you can even comprehend."

"A rebirth?"

"Yes, but if that rebirth is to occur, all will perish. And I cannot allow that to happen."

"So are you saying that you can end the world if you merge with an Angel?" Asuka asked, nervously.

"Exactly," Rei replied, "My death is without value. I can be replaced by an arsenal of clones and empty vessels for my soul to occupy. This carnal body does not restrain my existence from occupying a new body if this one should fall. Thus, my death would be temporary."

"Temporary?"

"Yes," Rei responded, "You do understand everything I have just said, Pilot Sohryu?"

"I think."

"Well, all you need to understand is that I cannot merge with an Angel. I would rather die."

"So if you die, you won't be dead forever?"

"Exactly."

"Well, maybe…" If Rei had an Angel absorbed into her body, that would cause problems. That wasn't even a doubt. The Third Impact sounded like a bigger problem than even the threats these Lilim posed. Nevertheless, these Lilim were a threat that had to be taken seriously.

However, Asuka did not object to Rei's concepts. Nor did she have time to. The moment Rei opened her mouth to respond to Asuka's answer, the alarm rang. Asuka stared up at the speakers overhead, relieved to find some excuse to escape this bizarre conversation. "An Angel!"

"I see," Rei sighed, "Then I have to die now?"

"I guess."

"I'll see you after the battle, with or without this body," Rei responded, her voice sodden with sorrow.

As the two of them left the building, they ran into Shinji. The moment Asuka saw Shinji, she remembered what Rei had told her. Rei was a clone of Shinji's mother. Now that she thought of it, they were physically similar. Not as far as hair went, yes, but their faces were similarly structured. Their eyes were similar, despite the numerous obvious differences. If Shinji found out about Rei, how would he react? What would he do?

Before Asuka knew it, she was pondering these same questions in her Eva as it was loaded to the surface, the other three Evas around her. The Angel before them almost looked like a DNA strand that had been twisted to create a massive donut in the air. Asuka raised an eyebrow staring at it.

This was the Angel? It looked more like a floating string or maybe some sort of deformed bagel. "Alright, who's going to take it on? Shinji? Why don't you handle it?"

"I'll go," Rei said.

"But why should I handle it?" Shinji asked.

"I said I'll fight it."

"Well, I took care of the last few, and Rei killed that other one," Asuka replied, drowning out Rei's voice.

"I said I'll kill it."

"That was a team effort!" Shinji complained.

"Are you listening?"

"But then again, Toji can fight him!" Asuka replied, gesturing at Toji.

"What?" Toji stammered.

"I said I'll handle this."

"C'mon! You haven't done anything useful yet!" Asuka teased, "How are you going to brag to Hikari?"

"I'm fighting it."

"But, oh, all right!" Toji relented.

"I'm going now."

"Alright! Go Toji!"

"Pilot Sohryu!"

"What is it, Rei?" Asuka asked as Toji sprinted toward the Angel, despite Misato shouting at him that they had no idea what the Angel's powers were.

"Did you just do that so I wouldn't fight the Angel?" Rei asked, intensely.

"Basically," Asuka shrugged.

"I see."

The Angel contorted suddenly. Asuka watched as the Angel stretched out, the double helix shape melting into itself to form a thick string of light. The string snapped, and, much like a swift worm in the air, soared straight into Toji's body! Toji screamed in agony as his body doubled over. Asuka could see the Angel infusing itself into Toji's body.

"Shinji!" Misato shrieked over the computer, "Get over there and save him!"

Just as Shinji started toward Toji, Asuka fired bullets straight into his path. "Don't move, Shinji!" Asuka snarled.

"But Toji's suffering!" Shinji stammered.

"Pilot Ikari, don't do anything," Rei replied.

"Have you two lost your minds?!" Ritsuko shouted across the computer.

"Just what are you planning on doing, you two lunatics!?" Misato screamed.

"Trust me!" Asuka shouted, "I know what I'm doing."

"If we don't do something, Toji will merge with the Angel!" Ritsuko shrieked.

"That's exactly what we want to happen," Asuka shouted back.

"I'm picking up traces of mental contamination in Unit-03's pilot!" Maya screamed, desperately, "Perfect integration imminent!"

"Is the pilot resisting this integration?" Ritsuko shouted.

"Negative. He's actually accepting the Angel into his being!" Maya replied.

"Toji's accepting it?" Shinji repeated.

Asuka stared in bewilderment at Unit-03. The Angel had disappeared entirely inside of the Eva's body. Massive veins bulged underneath its metallic shell as the seconds passed. Sparks flew around the Eva for a moment before it collapsed to the floor.

"Pilot is unconscious, but his condition is stable," Maya shouted.

"There are no traces of mental contamination," Ritsuko muttered, "How is this possible?"

"I don't understand any of this," Misato mumbled as Asuka returned to base.

It took eleven hours for Toji to awaken from his coma. Hikari had, naturally, waited by his bedside along with the other pilots. As they waited, Rei had taken Asuka aside to talk. In a serious voice, Rei said, tensely, "I already told you that I could return from death. Why didn't you believe me and let me destroy the Angel?"

"The Angels aren't evil," Asuka replied, "I know this to be true. They aren't. I didn't see any reason for you to die in this battle."

"This is coming from a person who has devoted her entire life to piloting and fighting Angels?"

"Arael changed the way I saw things," Asuka replied, flexing her fingers.

"Did he merge with you?"

"Yes, he did."

"I could tell," Rei observed, "You weren't even fighting, and your synch rate was massive."

"What are you two talking about?" Shinji asked, tensely.

"Nothing important," Asuka replied back.

Eventually, Toji awoke from his slumber. The first thing he did, was mumble, "What just happened?"

"Thank God you're alright!" Hikari threw her arms around Toji's chest, tears in her eyes, "I was worried sick!"

"What happened in there, Toji?" Shinji asked, tensely.

"Well, at first I was in pain all over. I could barely take it. And then everything disappeared. I was at this beach, staring at myself. This other self told me it was an Angel, and asked if I wanted to become one with it. I asked why I should. He told me he'd make me powerful enough to fight the Lilim."

"Lilim again," Asuka mumbled.

"He also said that Kaworu was going to return, which I told him I had heard repeatedly. I asked him who the Lilim were, but he refused to tell me."

"That figures," Asuka mumbled, annoyed.

Just who were these damn Lilim, anyway? And who was Kaworu? Well, for the moment, Asuka didn't need to worry. Right now, all she needed to do was relish in the fact that Rei hadn't died and that Toji had received the powers of the Angel. And, perhaps even greater, Third Impact hadn't happened. The world hadn't ended.

They went home that night, only for Asuka to throw herself over a couch to watch TV. She must have fallen asleep, as she soon felt Shinji shaking her awake. It was dark out, but it had been daytime when she had fallen asleep. Shinji's eyes betrayed his shaken feelings, his inner terror, as he stammered, "You wouldn't believe what just happened to me."

"Try me."

"Rei is a clone."

"I know."

"Wait, you knew that already?"

"Yes. She told me yesterday."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't want to disturb you."

"And why did she tell you?"

"Well…"


	14. Chapter 14

**Part Fourteen**

"Asuka, I just don't get this."

"What's not to get?"

"What is there to get? Rei's a clone of my mom, the Angels aren't trying to kill us, and now the enemy are these Lilim things?"

"Well, when you put things that way…"

It had been a couple of days since Shinji had learned the truth about Rei. He had spent less time around Rei as of late, and this did not go unnoticed by Rei. Rei had confided in Asuka that she didn't understand this change in Shinji, and would have continued to be confused had it not been for Asuka explaining everything Shinji had seen.

She had also told Rei that all of the empty shells that could have occupied her body had been destroyed by Ritsuko.

"Ritsuko?" Rei repeated after hearing the information, "That does not surprise me."

"What do you mean?"

"Ritsuko's mother killed my first shell by strangulation. Perhaps Ritsuko is simply repeating her mother's sins."

The knowledge that Ritsuko's mom was something of a nut did come as a surprise to Asuka. She had thought Ritsuko was a relatively mentally stable woman, but apparently she was wrong. She wondered how Maya would react to hearing that her crush had apparently lost her mind.

The days continued for the rest of the week. Toji had returned to school, as expected, fully recovered. Hikari was relieved to see his return. However, Asuka was more interested in how he felt now than his departure from the hospital. She needed to see if Toji was feeling good after assimilating the Angel like he did. However, her concerns were nothing, as Toji informed Asuka, "I feel better than I have in ages!"

On the whole, life had returned to normal. Still, Asuka couldn't forget there was only one Angel left. One Angel until these mysterious Lilim attacked. Asuka still couldn't figure out what the Lilim were. It had to be an army of some sort. An army of Angels, perhaps? Of spawns of this Lilith Rei mentioned before? These Lilim had to be foul, horrible things to make the Angels afraid. And just who was this Kaworu, anyway? His arrival had to be imminent, right?

As she, Shinji, and Rei walked home on evening, the sun setting behind him, Shinji stopped in his place. Asuka and Rei stopped, staring at him with an eyebrow raised. "What's the matter?" Asuka asked, curiously.

"I thought I heard something," Shinji muttered, "Well, hear something. I can still hear it."

"What does it sound like?" Rei asked.

"Humming."

Asuka was about to badmouth him for stopping over something as small as a person humming, but then the sound reached her ears as well. She glanced around, searching for the source of this mystery sound. It was a song she had heard many times before. A famous song. The 9th Symphony by Beethoven.

Standing against the setting sun, growing closer now, was a boy their age. His hair was pewter, his skin as pale as Rei's. His eyes glowed red as he approached. However, despite his bizarre appearance, an aura of serenity and comfort surrounded him. Asuka almost felt calm around this stranger, this unusual humming individual. As he drew nearer, Asuka could see his mouth was drawn up into a serene smile.

Upon reaching them, his humming stopped. "Ah, one of the crowning achievements of the Lilim culture. Your music is exceptionally magnificent, Lilim."

"Lilim?" Asuka asked, raising an eyebrow, "Aren't the Lilim—"

"You Lilim are the Children of Lilith, as we are the Children of Adam," the boy said, smiling once again.

"Are you Kaworu?" Shinji asked, nervously.

"My name is Kaworu Nagisa, at your service," the boy said, bowing majestically with a wave of his right hand tucked under his chest.

"You're an Angel?" Asuka asked, "You look just like a human."

"This shell does resemble your Lilim fellows, doesn't it?" Kaworu said, smiling.

"Lilim are humans?" Rei asked, anxiety actually filling her voice.

"That is a correct assumption, Rei Ayanami," Kaworu replied, "The Lilim that will destroy society are, in fact, your fellow man."

"Oh, that just figures!" Here all along Asuka had anticipated some sort of monster to destroy everything, that would devastate the world. But, in the end, the real enemy was man. It figured. Mankind was the only race on the planet that could destroy itself. Even the Angels were friendly to one another, forming alliances and such. But Humanity would ruin itself. That just sucked. Ah well, an enemy was an enemy to her, and humans couldn't defend themselves against the Evas. It would be an easy victory.

"So we have to kill people now?" Shinji stammered, desperately.

"Yes, Shinji," Kaworu said, patiently with a smile, "You must destroy the lives of your fellow man in order to salvage humanity. The fact of the matter is that Seele will launch an assault the moment they hear of my defeat."

"Your defeat?" Shinji asked.

"Yes," Kaworu said, "They have sent me to infiltrate your Central Dogma. However, I have no desire to do that. Originally, my comrades and myself had tried to infiltrate Dogma in order to reunite with Adam, and forcibly merge with him in order to ignite the Third Impact. However, we have learned that it was in fact Lilith that resided in Central Dogma."

"How did you find that out?" Auska asked.

"A Lilim informed me of this," Kaworu said, "He found this Lilim shell of mine, and told me everything."

"Who was he?" Shinji asked.

"His name was Ryoji Kaji," Kaworu said, grinning.

"Kaji?" Asuka stammered.

"Yes. It was in fact Kaji who informed me that Lilith, not Adam, was in Central Dogma. Well, I can assure you that after that bit of knowledge, there was no point at all in even bothering to attack. We learned that Adam was in a different place. Kaji informed me that that place was inside the Lilim Gendo Ikari's hand."

"My father?" Shinji stammered, mortified.

"In his hand?" Asuka stammered, disgusted.

Rei said nothing.

"Yes," Kaworu said, nodding, "Gendo Ikari has inserted an embryo of Adam into his palm. He plans on using it to trigger Third Impact and the Instrumentality of mankind."

"Instrumentality?" Asuka asked. She noticed Rei glancing down at her toes. Had she known about Gendo this entire time? Perhaps Gendo had threatened her to not tell a soul, forced her to remain silent. Perhaps Gendo had even blackmailed her, or even abused her! The bastard! Of course, that was all speculation. It looked as though Gendo loved Rei, and considering that she was a clone of his wife, that did make sense.

"The truth is," Kaworu said, seriously, "Gendo Ikari is trying to trigger his own Third Impact before Seele can."

"What's Seele?" Shinji asked.

"A secret society that governs over everything in your Lilim culture from the shadows," Kaworu said, "They have been working toward a certain ends for a while now, specifically the Instrumentality of Mankind."

"But what is Instrumentality?" Asuka asked.

Kaworu smiled in amusement. "It is when the walls to your souls dissolve, and mankind integrates perfectly with itself. All man fused into one, perfect being. You'd fill the gaps within your souls and find Nirvana. At least, that's how Seele sees it. On a personal note, I don't think Lilim can live on the same planet without hurting each other. In one mass, you Lilim would be in Hell."

So Seele intended on fusing all Humanity into one? That just figured. Asuka looked at Kaworu, intensely, "What do we need to do?"

"In the foreseeable future, you will be attacked by Seele soldiers and the Japanese government. You must allow Misato Katsuragi to form a conference with me so I can explain the situation to her personally. Inform Toji as well. Inform everyone, even Commander Ikari."

"My Father?" Shinji stammered.

"Yes," Kaworu said, smiling still, "He is cold, but he is still your fellow Lilim, is he not? And he is your father. Despite how you both try to deny it, you have feelings of attachment to each other."

"Damn him!" Shinji snarled.

"Don't damn him," Kaworu said, approaching Shinji, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"You aren't gay, are you Kaworu?" Asuka asked as Kaworu put two hands on Shinji's shoulders.

"Gay? Is this a Lilim term? I do not understand its concept," Kaworu explained.

"You're queer," Asuka mumbled.

"Asuka," Shinji muttered, off-handedly.

"Shinji Ikari, if only you knew the potential within your Evangelion," Kaworu said, hauntingly, "After all, within it resides a pure, full soul that you can harness. Not a fragmented soul or nothing at all, but a true, full soul. No other Eva has a full soul like yours."

"Wait, what?" Asuka asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I forgot to mention," Shinji said, "Ritsuko told me within every Eva is a human soul."

"Not my Eva," Rei replied.

"Oh, so that's why yours sucks so badly?" Asuka asked, smirking.

"Pilot Sohryu, you shouldn't talk." Rei blushed deep red.

"The souls inside your Evas are inconsequential to Gendo Ikari," Kaworu said, "The soul within your Eva, Shinji, is your mother's. Did you know this?"

"Yes," Shinji confessed, "Whenever my Eva went berserk, I could feel her presence. Right there beside me. I knew she was there, I just couldn't always see her. She was there, and I could feel her breathing right there beside me."

So Shinji's mother's soul was in his Eva? Then what soul was in her Eva? Did it have a soul? A fragmented soul? Well, it didn't matter. She had never felt anything in her Eva, so whatever soul was in there had to be a lousy one at that. Truth was, it didn't matter what soul they put into the Eva, in the end it was all up to the Pilot in order to integrate with the Eva.

Right?

"I will help you, Shinji," Kaworu said, "But first I will inform NERV of Seele's treachery so that they are prepared to counterattack. The final battle draws near, Children."

"Kaworu, what are you going to do to help us?" Shinji asked.

"I will request to be locked away into Central Dogma," Kaworu said, "I cannot enter Lilith's body the way I am. We would need a medium. So you needn't worry about me triggering Third Impact even by accident."

"That's one weight off our shoulders," Asuka replied.

"I must warn you, pilots," Kaworu said, staring at each of the pilots in turn, "The Lilim are creating Mass Production Evangelions in order to stop yours."

"How many?" Asuka asked.

"Nine of them," Kaworu said.

"We only have four," Shinji muttered.

"But they're mass production. They can't be that strong," Asuka laughed, "Quantity and not quality, you know? We're superior to their stupid Mass Production freaks. Bring them on!"

"They are nearly impossible to kill on your own," Kaworu said, "Your combined efforts and AT Fields are the only thing that can stop them, if even that is possible. Be warned. This might be your hardest battle yet. I will aid you in your struggles, but my power might not be enough to stop the Evas myself. Can you handle the hardship?"

"You make it sound like we've never fought a battle before," Asuka laughed, "Don't sweat it! It'll be a piece of cake!"

"I won't run away anymore," Shinji said.

"I will try my hardest," Rei said, not meeting Kaworu's eyes.

"Very good," Kaworu said, "Get ready. The End starts now."


	15. Chapter 15

Part Fifteen

**Part Fifteen**

Her heart beated against her chest, slowly at first, but as the nanoseconds passed on it picked up the pace. There was nothing between her and destiny now. She stood out on the Earth, staring out into oblivion, Toji in her left and Shinji on her right, Rei called down somewhere in the interior layers of NERV headquarters as Commander Ikari had requested.

As Asuka Langley Sohryu waited for what was destined to be her final battle, perhaps her swan song, the events from the previous ten days replayed themselves in her mind over and over again, until they were elementary facts that she could never forget.

Kaworu had made quite a stir in NERV when he revealed himself to be the final Angel. Commander Ikari wasn't surprised by his arrival, and had almost been expecting it. However, even he was surprised when Kaworu actually decided to help NERV. He told them how Seele had recruited him some time ago in order to help them initiate Instrumentality. He even explained the nature of the project, much to the dismay of Commander Ikari and Commander Fuyutsuki. However, when he revealed Seele's plans of destroying NERV entirely to initiate Third Impact, even the normally stoic Commander Ikari could not hide his outrage.

And thus preparations were made at once. Tokyo-3 was evacuated at once. Asuka remembered saying good-bye to Hikari the moment the declaration of evacuation was made. She was in her class, listening to another boring lecture from their teacher. Upon hearing that the town was to be evacuated, Hikari ran to Asuka, a desperate expression on her face.

"Is there an Angel?" Hikari asked, "This doesn't sound like the usual announcement they make. It's more relaxed and laid back."

"Well, the threat is coming in a few days from now, so it isn't like you're in immediate danger," Asuka replied, tensely.

"What's going on?"

"You may hear a lot of things in the future, but this is what we know," Asuka replied, "An organization named Seele, which apparently is in charge of NERV, is planning on doing something that could cause a Third Impact."

"Third Impact? But I thought Second Impact was caused by a meteor."

"Not enough time to explain that. When you get back, I'll tell you about that. All you need to know is that if Third Impact happens, everything on this planet will be ruined. Humanity will merge into one unit, and Hell on Earth will reign."

At this statement, Hikari's eyes widened with fear. She staggered back a few steps as she said, tensely, "So they'd destroy the planet?"

"Exactly."

"But why?"

"They believe this is the next stage in human evolution. I think that's a load of BS, but that's just me."

"How are you acting so calm about it? Are you going to stop them?"

"All of NERV is planning a counter-attack as we speak," Asuka replied, "And all of the pilots—"

"Even Toji?"

"Yes, even Toji."

Hikari ran a hand up her bangs as sweat billowed onto her forehead. "Oh God." Tears welled up in her eyes as the other students vacated the room, save for Hikari, Asuka, Shinji, Rei, and Toji. Hikari turned to face Toji, tears in her eyes. She dove against his chest, holding him close to her, as though she would never have a chance again in her lifetime to ever hold him. And Toji accepted her body, holding her close to him, as though this would be their final union.

Perhaps it would.

"I'll come back for you," Toji said, "So don't worry about a thing, okay?"

"Just promise me you don't die!" Hikari cried, "Please. Promise me."

"I promise," Toji said.

Hikari glanced back at Asuka, who was staring at her with a look of sincere sorrow. Hikari and Toji had reminded Asuka of the very real possibility of her dying. Never before had that possibility been so evident as it was now. With every Angel attack, she had put her life on the line, and yet she had never appreciated just what came with life. What existence lasted beyond death, to prove that she ever existed? Her reputation alone was not enough. She had to have something. She couldn't endure bleak oblivion after her body turned to ash. She prayed to whatever God there was that she wouldn't die, that she'd live long enough to see Hikari's face again.

To see her friend smile with Toji.

To see Misato laugh again.

To see Rei reading serenely alongside Asuka.

To see Shinji in her arms.

Hikari was eventually escorted out of the room by officials making sure all the civilians had vacated the building. By the time Hikari had been sent out of the city, Asuka had shed more than a few tears over her friend. What if she never saw her again? What if she'd never see Hikari's face one last time? The knowledge that in a matter of days she could die was a very real, very scary, downright horrific piece of information that she wished she had never learned about. She'd rather die suddenly and unexpectedly than know that she was about to die alongside her comrades fighting a battle to save everyone. That if she died, if she fell, then the entire planet, Hikari included, risked potential annihilation.

She couldn't bare that knowledge.

"Well," Dr. Tamako said, on their final session together before the big event, "What you are dealing with right now is too great a responsibility for any one person to bare. That's my expert advice."

"That doesn't really help matters, you know."

"I suppose it wouldn't, no. However, I hope at least you do receive comfort in the knowledge that you yourself don't need to bare it alone."

"What do you mean?" Asuka's head perked up, curiosity enticing her.

"You need to rely on your friends," Dr. Tamako said, "They're all suffering the same burden as you are. To each endure it alone is madness. If you pool your efforts together and confide in one another, maybe the pain will alleviate somewhat."

"Thanks for the advice," Asuka replied.

"Listen, Asuka," Dr. Tamako said, slowly, "This may be the last time I talk to you."

"I know."

"I just want to ask you something important. Please, respond truthfully. If Instrumentality comes to pass, I'll know whether or not you were lying."

"What's the question?"

"Are you happy?"

Asuka stared at her. Was she happy? What kind of question was that to ask when the planet faced annihilation? Was she happy? Why would Dr. Tamako ask her that at a time like this? Was she happy? What was Dr. Tamako playing at, expecting her to be able to respond to such a ridiculous question at such an inappropriate time? Was she happy? Did Dr. Tamako simply expect Asuka to answer that now, with the weight of the world on her shoulders?

But what she happy?

Asuka considered this. Ever since the weight of her past had alleviated off of her shoulders, ever since she had accepted her faults, ever since Rei had become her friend, ever since she had let go of her arrogant pride, ever since she let Shinji become her lover, she had not felt the same misery that had permeated throughout her life up until that point. No longer did she have those horrid flashbacks of her mother and the doll hanging side-by-side from the ceiling. No longer did she hold tearful memories inside of her while internalizing all of her pain. No longer did she have to endure Hell alone while everyone around her regarded her as a demon.

"I think I am happy," Asuka said, slowly.

"As long as you are happy, Asuka, I'm sure that you'll win. Happiness is the key that will lead you to success. I pray you see that, Asuka. I think that you're ready for whatever awaits you. May God be with you."

It was on the final day before the battle that she met with Kaworu, to talk to the final Angel. She had not actually spoken to Kaworu since their confrontation at the start of this mess. But now more than ever, she needed to know the answer to a question that had been bothering her ever since Hikari left.

"Kaworu, what's death like?"

"Death?" Kaworu replied, smiling a broken smile, "Why ask me, a soul who has yet to die?"

"You are an Angel, aren't you?" Asuka replied.

"Not one of your Angels from Christianity, I'm afraid," Kaworu said with a sigh, "We are simply possible versions of what you Lilim could have appeared like. You Lilim manifest your AT fields in the form of individual bodies to house your souls. When you die, your souls will unite in a realm beyond my comprehension. I could never describe it, as I have never been there. All I can tell you, though, is that whatever shell your body occupies on the other side, it will manifest the way you wish it to manifest."

"Well, that doesn't answer too many questions now, does it?" Asuka asked.

Kaworu chuckled. "I suppose not. I answered your question with a conundrum."

"Yeah."

"Are you afraid of death, Asuka?" Kaworu asked, sincerely.

"I am."

"Why? Don't you believe in a soul?"

"Yes, I do."

"A soul that lives on after your Lilim shell has decayed into nothingness?"

"Yes."

"Well then, you have nothing to fear now. Once you die, you will survive into the next life, whatever that next life might be."

"I guess that does give me some sort of comfort," Asuka replied, shrugging.

"That's good. I'd hope that you are well for tomorrow. If you are, then you should integrate well with your Eva. All the cards are in your favor. Had you not been told of this, you would have fought the MP Evas all alone, and even parried them off for some time before succumbing yourself."

"How do you know that?"

Kaworu grinned, "That is a secret I cannot explain. All you need to know is that, had you fought the enemy alone, while you would have put up an epic fight, you would have eventually fallen and died. Together, with three Evas—"

"Wait, three? They're four pilots." Asuka didn't get it. Had Kaworu made a mistake counting them? Did he remember that he had met with Shinji, Asuka, and Rei, and did he simply picture those three only when he said the "three Evas" would fight?

"They're four pilots, but I think it would be safer if Rei remained in NERV," Kaworu said, "After all, you know just as well as I do that she is a medium that Seele can use to initiate Third Impact. It's best we didn't have a liability like that. Besides, I'm sure three Evas would be enough to ward off the Mass Production Eva assault."

So Rei wasn't even fighting? During their battles, Rei had been an invaluable asset, no matter how much Asuka had resisted the concept in the past. Rei had helped her defeat that one Angel by firing a rocket straight into its core, had tried to kill Arael as it mind raped Asuka, and was even willing to destroy herself simply to save everyone. She deserved to have a final battle for glory.

No, she didn't need to fear for her life.

"Okay, I understand," Asuka replied, nodding her head.

She searched for Rei after speaking to Kaworu, finding her eventually inside of one hallway, her nose in a book. As Asuka grew nearer, she realized Rei was reading the sequel to the book she had given Rei. She smiled as she knelt down besides the First Child, and said, "Hey."

Rei glanced up to meet her eyes. "Pilot Sohryu."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"My condition is suitable at the moment."

"Good, good."

Rei glanced back at her book, a weary expression on her face. "Although, I must confess, I am still anxious."

"About tomorrow? You aren't fighting."

"That is not the source of my distress," Rei replied, "The real source of my pain is your safety."

"My safety?"

"Yes. I am afraid that something will happen to you that can never be undone," Rei replied, sadly, "I just hope you return to home base without a single scratch, triumphant."

"Don't worry. I will!" Asuka waved her off.

Rei sighed. "Listen, Pilot Sohryu. Someone might try to initiate Third Impact with me."

"Well, don't worry," Asuka replied, "I just won't let it come to that."

"But if it does come to that," Rei said, turning to face Asuka again, her eyes determined, "I want you to promise me that you will do everything you can to keep me from initiating Third Impact."

"Sure, no problem," Asuka nodded. It wasn't like she was just going to allow the Earth to be laid to waste. Surely all Asuka needed to do was to remove the Angel from Rei's body. Couldn't be that terribly hard, right?

"Even if it means killing me?"

Asuka's eyes widened. Killing her? Surely it wouldn't come to that. Why would Asuka actually need to kill Rei? She couldn't think of a single reason why Rei would need to die in order to save the world. The idea was ridiculous. "Rei, I don't think it would come to that."

"But if it does?"

"I don't know."

"I need you to promise!"

Asuka had never seen Rei this passionate before. However, Asuka soon realized that this determination was nothing more than terror. Rei's joints were shivering violently as she stared determinedly into Asuka's eyes, the seriousness and passion clear for any mortal to see.

"Alright," Asuka said, simply to humor her, "I'll do whatever it takes."

"Thank you, Pilot Sohryu," Rei replied, smiling a smile that Rei rarely showed.

"You know, you could just call me Asuka. It would probably be easier on the tongue, you know?"

Rei nodded, smiling still, "Okay, Asuka."

And so now Asuka waited, patiently inside of her Eva, staring out at the skyline, waiting for the enemy, Toji and Shinji at her side. She inhaled, slowly, as the fear consumed her. Today was the day. In a matter of minutes, she could be dead. In a matter of minutes, she could save the planet. In a matter of minutes, the world would change for the better or for the worse.

"Asuka," Shinji said, "Listen. I'm afraid."

"I know," Asuka replied, "So am I."

"Don't leave me out of this," Toji snarled, "I'm about to piss my pants."

"Like I really needed to hear that," Asuka chuckled, forcing a grin.

"We'll make it," Shinji said, "I pray we will."

"Sometimes prayers aren't enough," Asuka sighed, "If you want a miracle, you have to make it happen yourself!"

"Yeah," Shinji replied, nodding.

"Your Eva, Shinji, you said it had your mom's soul in it?" Toji asked.

"What? Where did that come from?" Asuka asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I need to know," Toji replied, "I just thought of something."

"You can think? Shocking."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!? I'm not some sort of idiot, you Demon!"

"Oh, excuse me."

"Well," Shinji replied, "My mother's soul is within Unit-01."

"And Rei's Eva lacked a soul because she didn't have a mother?"

"Yeah," Shinji replied, unsure what Toji was getting at.

"And my mother died," Toji replied, "And Asuka, you said your mother died?"

"Yeah. She hung herself," Asuka replied, simply. She dully noticed that she didn't have a flashback to that night. She was grateful for that much.

"And Asuka, your mother went crazy after doing something to Unit-02?"

"Yeah."

"And Shinji, your mother disappeared doing something to Unit-01?"

"Yeah."

"What if every Eva contains the souls of—"

"What are you three yapping about?!" Misato's voice snapped Asuka out of the conversation. Her serious face appeared on her monitor, staring back at the Three Pilots with a look of anxiety on her face.

"Nothing serious," Toji replied.

"Good. Are you all ready?"

"What kind of a question is that?" Asuka snapped, "We're here, aren't we?"

"She's right," Shinji said, "I mean, I'd rather that it wouldn't come to this, but I'm certainly ready."

"I don't want to see Hikari in pain," Toji replied, "If it means suffering myself a little, I think that's a good price to pay."

"Well, reports say that the attack is imminent. Expect the army to attack first, and then they'll send in the big guns."

"Okay, that should be fairly—"

"JSSDF forces detected outside city borders," Maya shouted, "Attack is imminent!"

"Okay, here we go," Asuka snarled, withdrawing a rifle from beside her, "You ready?"

"Yeah!" Shinji replied, aiming his own rifle at another point to the side of the city.

"Right behind ya!" Toji aimed a rocket launcher at the oncoming forces.

"Okay, go!" Misato shouted.


	16. Chapter 16

**Part Sixteen**

The JSSDF forces had formed a massive ocean around Tokyo-3. Tanks, jets, and foot soldiers raced toward the epicenter of the city, perhaps praying that they could penetrate the Geofront and infiltrate NERV. It did not matter what there intentions were, however. The moment their eyes landed on the trio of Evas standing before them, they stopped in their steps, staring up at the gargantuan monsters with mingled expressions of fear and astonishment.

It was time.

"Alright you three. Expand your AT Fields on the count of three, okay?" Misato's voice came crystal clear inside of each of their entry plugs. "One, two, THREE!!!"

Upon the "th" of three, the three pilots reacted. A gigantic field of orange energy exploded out of their bodies, flying around and between the buildings in the way, and enveloping the JSSDF. In a flash of light, the soldiers were thrown into the air, some of their bodies ripped to shreds so that their organs spiraled into the sky. In a flash of light, the tanks exploded into a brilliant nova that consumed them and the soldiers around them. In a flash of light, jets spiraled out of control, slamming into the ground, their gas engines igniting so that upon landing their shells exploded into a brilliant nimbus of orange and white.

Asuka exhaled slowly as the AT Field dissolved into nothingness. The entire landscape had not changed, save for the earth pot marked with miniature craters from the exploding tanks and planes. A smile spread across Asuka's lips as she laughed, "Damn! These guys are wimps!"

"Aren't there supposed to be Evas fighting us as well?" Toji asked, tensely.

"Yeah." Shinji nodded in approval with Toji from his own Eva. "We aren't out of this yet."

Asuka knew they were right. The real fight was still ahead of them. These JSSDF soldiers now knew who they were dealing with. It was only a mater of time until they sent the big guns to extinguish them all. And, as Asuka looked up to the sky, she could see those big guns descending from Heaven, gliding down to Earth upon angelic feathered wings.

"They're here!" Toji snarled.

"Alright," Asuka smirked, "You know, for a moment I thought this was going to be boring and all."

"Well, don't worry," Shinji replied, tensely, "This fight is going to be anything but boring."

The MP Evas landed on the floor, nine in total, their wings folding back into their backs. Drunkenly, they rose to their full height, and turned to face the three Evas in the center of the city. Asuka had to admit that these Evas had to be by far the ugliest things she had ever seen. Their heads were phallic, white and grotesque with huge red lips and tongues hanging from their teeth. They had no eyes, which added to their hideous nature. Their smooth shells were soft, not at all like their own Eva's hard, robotic exterior. And, on top of it all, their expression was hungry.

"What the Hell?" Asuka mumbled, staring at the disgusting freaks. After all, why would Seele create such disgusting creatures? Was there a purpose to making them so grotesque? Did they just enjoy making creatures with heads that looked like huge penises with lips? Well, not enough time to think about things like that now.

"Alright," Asuka laughed, "We'll each fight three of them, divide the work up some. Deal?"

"Sounds like a plan if you ask me," Toji replied.

"I agree," Shinji nodded.

Suddenly, from the sky, nine massive blades descended from the sky, landing at each of the MP Eva's sides. The two sided blades were wrenched from the floor as each Eva extended their grubby claws and received their gift from the skies. Asuka felt sickened. Just their movement alone was disgusting. Enough to make her puke.

Enough to make her want to kill them all!

Asuka sprinted toward the three dead center from her. She leapt into the air, evading one of the MP Eva's blades, as she landed on its chest, dead center. The fiend stumbled backwards as Asuka grabbed its disgusting skull, squeezing the life out of it between her massive claws. She could feel its structure in her hands, feel the bones and armor giving way to her sheer strength, before it exploded like a wet watermelon in her hands, blood splattering over her body.

One of the MP Evas swung their blade down upon Asuka. She kicked off of her victim, allowing the blade to slice straight into his pewter hide. As purple blood splattered into the air, Asuka expanded her AT Field, sharply. The two MP Evas were thrown into the ground as Asuka landed, helpless to defend themselves. Asuka turned to the fallen MP Eva, and grabbed his great blade. Before the two enemies could rise again, Asuka pinned one to the floor with the blade, stabbing straight through its chest, perhaps straight through its entry plug.

She would have stabbed the other one, but that too had risen, and was now sprinting toward Asuka with its blade. It swung wildly, only to nick Asuka across the arm. Asuka felt pain surge up to her arm. At first, she shrugged it off as nothing, seeing how it was just her senses feeling exactly what the Eva felt. However, it was when she felt blood on the underside of her plug suit that she felt fear rise up her body.

Was she hurt? This wasn't possible. After all, things like that didn't happen. Her senses were integrated with Eva. That was it. She didn't get hurt like the Eva did in combat, right? Right? This was absurd! Ridiculous! But then again, what if being highly integrated with Eva resulted in things like this? She had reached 99.9% integration when Areal had first integrated with her, right?

This wasn't fair!

The MP Eva lunched at Asuka, abandoning its blade. It smashed Asuka to the ground, causing a nearby skyscraper to tumble down upon the MP Eva's back. Its AT Field reduced the building to harmless ashes. Asuka could feel the weight on her chest, constricting her breathing tremendously. The MP Eva reached up towards the sky, its fingers long and pointy, ready to plunge straight into her chest.

"I'm not going to die. I'm not going to die. I'm not going to die!"

Asuka extended her hand sharply, reaching the MP Eva's shoulder. With a sharp twist, the shoulder snapped off, purple blood flying in all directions as she slammed the MP Eva into a nearby building. The building tumbled down upon him, only this time no AT Field turned it to ash.

"My three are down!" Asuka snarled, tossing the arm off to the side.

"Same here," Shinji replied.

"Mine are good too!" Toji laughed.

Asuka was disappointed. She had expected more of a fight. These pathetic lumps of metal had only caused a small cut. Despite that one close call she had with the last one, the fight had been fairly simple. Granted, she didn't want the world destroyed either, but she would have liked a more intense fight.

"Asuka! Behind you!" Shinji screamed.

Asuka spun around just in time to see the ruins of the skyscraper fly into the sky, only ashes remaining, as the fallen MP Eva sprinted toward her, a single arm extended behind its head. Asuka acted on sheer instinct. She ducked down, beneath the blade, and slammed her fist straight through the Eva's chest! Purple blood splattered out of his body as the fist penetrated its shell. She threw the Eva through the air, into another skyscraper, and then another, until four buildings had been leveled as the foe slammed through each consecutive building.

Asuka turned to her comrades to see them too repelling the MP Evas. Asuka didn't get it. Did their fail to finish the job right? Did they miss something vital? Asuka turned around to see, with sinking horror, the two MP Evas she had defeated rising to heir feet, looking at her with a hungry expression. Asuka noticed that their wounds had not necessarily healed so much as their bodies worked around their injuries. For example, the Eva with the shattered skull still had a shattered skull, but was still operating without it.

And then it all made sense.

"Guys! Try to dismember the Evas!" Asuka shouted.

"Dismember?" Toji shrieked.

"I get it!" Shinji replied, desperately.

"Do you?"

Asuka turned to see a figure rise up from the Earth. A small white figure glanced back at each and every Eva, be it friend or foe, as it levitated at the Eva's eye level. With an expression of surprise, Asuka stammered, "Kaworu?"

Just what the hell was Kaworu doing here? Sure, he was an Angel, but what good would he serve in this fight, anyway? What was his purpose here, anyhow? Assuming he even had a purpose. Had he just come to help them, or was there some other motive? Asuka couldn't deny she felt the smallest measure of distrust in her heart toward Kaworu.

Kaworu drifted over to Shinji. At the moment, he was being forced down to the floor by two MP Evas, one of which had his shoulder ripped to pieces along with a huge hole through his chest. With a flick of Kaworu's finger, the two enemies were blown into the air as a massive AT Field collided into their bodies. Their skulls exploded into an array of purple ink-like blood as they slammed onto the ground, limply.

"I'm afraid to say, my friends," Kaworu said in a soft voice that Asuka could hear from her computer, "That the JSSDF has somehow managed to eliminate your power supply. You have only a few seconds before you run out of power."

"What?"

Asuka hadn't even noticed she was running on external power. She glanced at her computer screen, praying Kaworu was mistaken. Sure enough, however, she had a mere ten seconds left before she was out of power. She felt fear envelop her. She couldn't win like this! She needed her power! She didn't have anything else! If she ran out now, she was dead!

"Access your Angelic powers," Kaworu shouted, "That is the only way you can remain at full power without falling."

Oh, sure! That was easy! Access your Angelic powers. How the Hell would that happen? Arael had never informed Asuka how to tap into his powers. Hell, she didn't even know what to do! Did she saw a few magic words and she had Angel powers? Probably not. In fact, she seriously doubted that was the case at all.

"But what about me?" Shinji responded.

Kaworu grinned, "I will become one with you, Shinji Ikari."

"What?"

"Our infusion would be permanent, eliminating my very existence from this earth while empowering yours. Are you ready?"

"Just say yes!" Asuka snarled as an MP Eva attacked her from behind. Two seconds left. She didn't have time! She grabbed the MP Eva and threw him into a building before she felt her entire shell grow heavy and powerless.

"Alright!" Shinji screamed.

There was a flash of brilliant light as Kaworu descended onto Unit-01. His body melded into the Eva as the brilliant nimbus twisted and contorted itself into twelve translucent wings sprouting from Unit-01. Unit-01 drifted into the air, eerily, as a massive roar shattered the silence.

As Unit-02's power died away, Asuka watched in horror as the MP Evas turned to face the new Unit-01, hunger filling their contorted faces, or whatever remained of them. They lunged toward Unit-01, latching onto his wings with their claws or mouths! Shinji's scream was audible even without a computer. Asuka felt her heart beat terribly. Shinji was in danger. It did not matter what happened to her, only what happened to Shinji! If Shinji was in pain, she'd never forgive herself!

"Move! Move! God damn you, just move you useless hunk of metal!" Asuka screamed, slamming her controls furiously.

Toji's Eva Unit-03 fell to the Earth, unceremoniously useless. How the Hell was Asuka going to access her Angel powers now? How useful were they when they didn't even work right?! Damn it! She screamed at the Heavens as she begged God just to perform a miracle. If anything in this Universe allow her to move her Eva, she'd do anything. She'd even die if it meant Shinji, and the rest of the world, was alive and well.

"Asuka."

Asuka glanced up at the sound of her own voice. The entry plug was dark and silent. She was all alone. No one had made a sound. She felt her heartbeat quicken as she glanced around, fearfully. Was someone there with her? Someone nearby willing to help? That had been a woman's voice who had spoken. Was it Arael?

"Arael?"

"Not exactly, Asuka."

"What do you mean?"

"Arael's powers granted you an increased synch ratio, true. However, Kaworu had been manipulated as well. He believed that by integrating the Angels with the pilots you'd stand a better chance. The moment he integrated with Unit-01, he inadvertently created the tool that Seele wanted to use for Third Impact."

"Just who are you?"

"Don't you remember me?"

Asuka felt warmth fill her body. A soothing warmth. One she had not experienced for her entire life. It was a feeling she thought had died when she was a child. One that had died with her mother.

And then she was a little child, standing in the middle of a field. Her soft frame glanced up at a woman, who was bending down on one knee, a smile on her face. A loving smile. Serenity filled Asuka as a smile spread across her face. Her eyes wavered in her sockets as a single word became evident in her mind. A single word materialized itself suddenly without warning. A single word that made all right with the world.

"Mama?"

The world returned to ordinary. She was staring out of her screen at Shinji as power returned to Unit-02. She felt her body rise into the air, sharply, as she heard her mother's voice speak in her ear. "Asuka, I'm sorry I left you."

"Mama! You've been with me this entire time, haven't you?" Asuka cheered, jubilation filling her heart.

"That's right."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Asuka laughed, as she sprinted toward Unit-01 as it rose into the air.

"I couldn't. Your feelings kept me from entering your mind."

"My feelings?"

"Yes. Your feelings of regret and sadness rejected my presence. But now that you've let those go, now that you've healed from the hatred in your heart, I can be with you again."

Asuka felt tears spring to her eyes as she leapt into the air, soaring into the sky as twelve massive wings sprouted from her own Eva's back. She soared into the sky, through the clouds, toward Unit-01 and the MP Evas. "I'm sorry."

"What should you be sorry for, Asuka?"

"After you died, I promised I'd never cry again. I hated everything. I was just…just…" Tears sprang to Asuka's eyes again, but these tears were not tears of sadness so much as joyous, jubilant tears that filled her heart with happiness.

"I understand. But we can discuss this later. Right now, you must save the one you love."

Asuka was level with Unit-01 now. She could see Unit-01, a huge spear levitating beside him. Where that spear had come from, Asuka didn't know. Was that the Spear of Longinus that Rei had thrown at Arael? Most likely the MP Evas had summoned it or something like that. Well, regardless, it was time to let the MP Evas have it, to eliminate them once and for all.

And then Asuka heard a sound from behind her. She glanced around to see a massive white silhouette ascend from the clouds. Asuka felt her entire body grow cold, despite the warmth of her mother's presence all around her. The creature before her was huge. Its pupil was as large as Unit-02! It was white, whiter than anything she had ever seen before. Save for its black eyes and the red dots in the center that Asuka had labeled as pupils.

"What the Hell…?" Asuka stammered, feeling absolute terror filling her entire body. And then realization filled her body. She knew exactly what this creature was, or, specifically, who it was.

"Rei?"

It was a massive version of Rei. White. Horrific. Yes, all those things, but all were now features of this huge Rei. What the hell had happened? Had Commander Ikari used her like Kaworu had told her he'd use her? Was Rei now an instrument of Instrumentality? A harbinger for Third Impact? Was she just a mindless weapon now?

Asuka could hear Shinji screaming from behind her. She felt a pain in her heart as realization dawned upon her that now, right now, Shinji was in just as much pain as she was. Surely, with the MP Evas around him and now Rei before him, his mind was taking severe stress. She wasn't certain if he'd be able to make it through this with his mind intact.

Unless she did something first!

Asuka grabbed the massive spear from midair. She pulled it out of whatever reach there was, feeling an invisible tug on the spear against her own grip. Naturally, her grip was stronger. She plunged the spear into the nearest MP Eva, plunging it straight through its body. There was a flash of light, and, to Asuka's immense shock, she watched as the MP Eva's hide grew dark, leaden, and petrified. With a kick straight to the chest, the Eva crumbled to pieces, nothing left.

"Asuka?" Shinji stammered, in shock.

Asuka threw the Spear straight at another of the MP Evas. It slammed straight through its body, tearing it apart into ashes. The Spear flew into space before changing direction, and flying directly at Shinji! Shinji turned abruptly, and grabbed the Spear by the stalk. Surely, now with two MP Evas destroyed, the grip on his body had been slackened, but not completely free. More of them needed to be destroyed first.

Shinji's wings twitched abruptly. One MP Eva was thrown into the sky, flying deeper into space. Asuka watched in amazement as the Eva was reduced to cinders upon flying through the atmosphere, disappearing entirely as it became a comet in the sky.

Three down, six to go!

Shinji struggled with the Spear, trying to keep it from plunging straight into his core. Asuka was about to fly off to help him when she felt a force drag her backwards, back toward Rei. She glanced over her shoulder to see Rei staring at her before all when cold and dark.

"Asuka?"

Rei Ayanami materialized in her vision, staring back at her with a sad expression on her face. Asuka noticed that she looked as she normally did, save for the fact that she was completely naked. Asuka didn't care how much clothing she was wearing, so much as she wasn't that gigantic, grotesque version of herself.

"Where are we?" Asuka asked.

"This is the link you and I share," Rei replied, "A bond that cannot be broken no matter how hard one tries."

"What?"

"I need to ask you, Asuka, to do me a favor."

"What?"

"I want you to send the Spear of Longinus straight through my chest."

"What?" Asuka remembered the MP Eva that had been hit by the Spear. It had turned to ash. Wouldn't the same happen to Rei? She couldn't kill Rei! She couldn't stand by and watch Rei die! It was impossible! She just couldn't, wouldn't, kill Rei like that!

"I must be destroyed, Asuka," Rei said, "You know it. I know it. If I survive, I will be able to initiate Third Impact."

"But you won't! You're too kind! I know that isn't what you want!"

"What I want?"

"Yes! You don't want this?"

"I don't know what I want," Rei replied, honestly, "Except that I want this world to be happy with you in it. I don't want anyone to suffer. I was created as a way to initiate Third Impact. If my death means life for everything I hold dear in my heart, then I can end my life with a smile on my lips."

"But I want you to live!" Asuka snarled, tears filling her eyes.

"Yes, but wouldn't I be immortal in the minds of those who remember me?"

"But I want…I want…"

"They are more important things than what we want in cases like this," Rei replied.

The world returned to ordinary. Asuka stared at Rei's massive form, at her red pupils, vacant of emotion. She didn't deserve this. Rei didn't deserve to die like this! She was dying a hero, performing a heroic act that was superior to any Asuka had performed! She was willingly going to kill herself just to save the world. And she was facing death so bravely!

Shinji stabbed the Spear through the final MP Eva, turning it to cinders, as Asuka shouted, "Give me the Spear!"

"What?"

"Give it to me!"

Shinji threw the spear at Asuka, who grabbed it in her hands. She turned to Shinji, and said, slowly, "I'm sorry, Shinji."

"What?"

"Good-bye, Rei."

With a sharp throw, the spear flew straight into Rei's bosom. There was a brilliant nova of light that consumed all, Unit-01 and 02 included, before all disappeared within the brilliance.


	17. Chapter 17

**Part Seventeen**

The world was pulsating, slowly, as Asuka Langley Sohryu drifted slowly through oblivion, unable to determine which way was up and which way was down. All she could feel, however, was the air as its heart rumbled around her, as its slimy, sweaty skin smeared its essence over her smooth clean flesh, and as her hair danced in the air as though levitating in water.

"Pilot Sohryu."

Asuka's eyes opened, slowly. Staring down at her, completely and utterly naked, was Rei Ayanami, her scarlet eyes stared down at her. Her azure hair remained stationary, unmoved as liquid, perhaps LCL, drifted around her as though they were at the bottom of a bottomless dark sea of blood red liquid. And yet never once did Asuka wonder why Rei was not drowning in the crimson liquid.

"What are you doing?" Asuka mumbled, not curious as to why she was perfectly able to speak despite the liquid surrounding her body.

"This is the World of Instrumentality," Rei replied, slowly, "A world where the borders of the human soul are nonexistent, where it is impossible to determine where one soul begins and another ends."

"So we failed?" The words rang from Asuka's mouth, but the meaning was lost to Asuka. Or, in any event, the meaning seemed to make less of a blow than Asuka would have imagined. She would have expected the destruction of the human race to cause a stronger reaction in her heart, but she felt empty and vacant inside.

"No, you succeeded," Rei replied, "Save for you, Shinji, and myself, the sea is empty and vacant."

"So we were destroyed?"

"You can say that, Pilot Sohryu."

So they had died in the attempt? They had destroyed themselves in order to save the world? Well, that's fine. So long as Hikari was safe, so long as the world was safe, she could get used to being dead. After all, it wasn't much different than living, was it? This limbo, this Instrumentality, was rather tame and mundane. She had expected something Hellish, something nightmarish, but this wasn't so bad.

"Because the sea consists of a few souls, Pilot Sohryu, this world isn't painful to live in," Rei replied, "Add more souls into the mix, and this sea would turn into Hell."

"Then let me reside in peace. I don't mind."

"Yes, you do," Rei replied, "In this world you're alone."

"I'm used to being alone."

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"I doubt it."

"Why?"

"Because if you were used to being alone, you wouldn't have fought for Shinji like you did. To save his life."

Asuka looked up in amazement as Rei drifted higher into the air, a smile on her lips. "Asuka Langley Sohryu, this dominion is my world. Not yours. I can't allow you to remain here, separate from the world, from your friends."

"Then kick me out."

"I can't," Rei replied, "Only you and your heart can bring yourself back to existence, back into your human shell. But if you do that, you will be hurt. You will endure suffering and stress. Are you willing to accept that?"

For the first time since Asuka awoke, the thoughts in her head gained gravity and power. If Asuka returned to the land of the living, people would hurt her. People would wound her. She'd see horrible things. She'd have to suffer solitude, rejection, pain, and horror. But if she remained here, alone and safe, she'd miss hope, excitement, triumph, and love. Especially love. In this loveless abyss, there was much to be desired. So what if she had to suffer a little? Without love and interest, what was this life but a useless, meaningless oblivion?

Very slowly, Asuka felt her body sink deeper into the floor, drifting slowly away from Rei Ayanami. Asuka reached out for Rei, her eyes wide as Rei herself drifted higher into the sea, the gap between her and Asuka growing larger and larger with each passing second. "Grab my hand, Rei!" Asuka shouted.

"I told you. This is my world," Rei replied, "If I return, then I can be used as a tool of Instrumentality. Now, both Adam and Lilith have been destroyed entirely. Now that they're integrated, the planet is safe from Third Impact."

"But I don't want to leave you!"

"Pilot Sohryu, in order to endure love, you must feel loss too. Without loss, then what is the point of being happy?"

"Rei!"

"Farewell, Pilot Sohryu," Rei replied, smiling a soft smile before dissolving into the red liquid around her, disappearing forever more.

And then all became dark once again.

Asuka was awakened by the feeling of salty water rushing up her nose. She coughed before she was able to open her eyes. Once her eyes did flutter open, she was amazed to find herself on a beach. The water around her was tinted red, although the majority of the water, stretching out onto the horizon, was crystal clear and blue. As Asuka pushed herself up onto trembling limbs, she saw Shinji lying face first in the sand at her side, the water around him also tinted scarlet. Asuka approached the poor Third Child, and pulled him to his feet. His eyes slowly fluttered open.

"What's going on?"

"My guess is as good as yours," Asuka replied as Shinji slowly grew aware.

"Are we dead?" Shinji asked.

"Doubt it," Asuka replied as the red tint in the water disbursed, vanishing forever.

"I thought I saw Rei and Kaworu for a moment," Shinji replied, "They're together now, those two."

"At least Rei isn't alone," Asuka said, tears in her eyes.

Rei. Where was she? Had she gone forever, never to return? Was she truly dead? Had she transcended to an existence far above their own? Had she become a God? An Angel? Well, whatever it was that she had become, it no longer mattered to Asuka. All that did matter is that she was gone forever more. Now, Asuka would no longer see Rei's emotionless face, but she'd forever more remember those few smiles that she demonstrated when the moment called for it.

"What do you think we should do?" Shinji asked, nervously.

"What I think we should do is find a way back to Tokyo-3," Asuka said, turning around to look for a phone booth of some sort, "I mean, they're probably terrified now that we aren't there."

"They might think we're dead," Shinji conceded.

As Asuka and Shinji approached the opposite end of the beach, a single question emerged in Asuka's mind: the Evas. What had happened to them? Had they simply disappeared off the face of the Earth? Had they been swallowed up in Instrumentality? If so, then what happened to her mother? Had she died at long last? Was she still with Asuka?

Eventually, they found a phone. Asuka dove at the phone, rapidly punching numbers before waiting on a busy server for what had to be ten minutes. Finally, a voice answered after an eternity of anxiety. "Hello?"

"Misato?"

"Asuka! What happened to you? We thought you were dead!"

"No, we're alive."

"Where have you been for the last week?"

"Week? We were gone for a week?!" Asuka had expected maybe a few hours, at the very most. A day would have been unrealistic. But seven days? A full week? It was beyond comprehension. How long had she been asleep, anyway?

"Thank God you're alive!"

"What happened?" Asuka asked.

"We don't exactly know. All we do know is that there was a big explosion, and Units-01 and 02 were found empty. Even your plugsuits were taken. We thought you had either assimilated with the Evas or had been vaporized. We had been working around the clock to try extracting you from the Eva. Wait 'till I tell Maya it was all a waste."

"What about Ritsuko?" Asuka asked, "Wouldn't she be in charge of that?"

"Ritsuko's dead."

"What?"

"Commander Ikari killed her, apparently."

What? That didn't make sense. Why would Commander Ikari kill Ritsuko? Was this because of Ritsuko trying to hurt the stupid Commander's plans for a Third Impact? Well, he would have succeeded had it not been for Asuka destroying the giant Rei creature.

We fond him with his arm ripped off in Central Dogma. We don't know why he was there, as he won't tell us. What we do know is that Rei is missing too. Do you know what happened to her?"

"Rei's…gone."

"Gone?"

"I can't describe it. She sacrificed herself to stop Third Impact and Instrumentality, but she had to disappear herself. She isn't dead, but she doesn't have a body either."

"That's horrible. Oh my God, Asuka, I'm sorry you had to endure that."

"It's okay. Really, it's fine. How's Toji?"

"Toji's alive and well. He's been worried sick too. Hikari came here not long after the fight. Actually, all of the evacuees are back. Hikari's been breaking down in tears for the last week. She thought you were dead."

"Tell her I'm okay, alright?"

"Sure. Where are you?"

"We're on this beach. Don't know where," Asuka replied.

"Any landmarks?"

"No."

"We'll find you, okay?"

It took them an hour until NERV cars came to pick them up. Misato herself, along with Hikari and Toji, had come to retrieve Shinji and Asuka. For that one hour between the phone call and their arrival, the two children had been silent, unable to speak. Naturally, the full gravity of the situation had to settle down into their nerves in that short time period.

Their journey was over. Third Impact had been avoided. The world was safe, thanks to them. Humanity would remain separate, in sentient bodies with sentient minds that were not melded together like lumps of clay smashed together. She had thought that, by the end of her journey, she would feel empty and vacant. That she would feel dead without a purpose to live for. But now, at this moment, for the first time in a long time, she felt free. She felt saved from all the stress and all the pain she had to have endured all her life. For the first time, she felt truly and sincerely happy.


	18. Chapter 18

**Part Eighteen**

"Hey, did you hear, Asuka?"

"Hear what?"

"That group that Kaworu mentioned, Seele?"

"Yeah?"

"They found the last member, Keel. He'd been hiding in some ditch in the Middle East, but they found him."

It had been several months since the Third Impact incident. Life had returned to normal in Tokyo-3. The Evas had been put in cryostasis, perhaps never to be used again in warfare, like the atomic bomb. The Angels, all seventeen of them, no longer existed. They had all either been utterly eradicated or assimilated during Instrumentality. Even Arael had left Asuka's heart. She could feel that. The same with Toji, even if he hadn't been caught in the explosion. Somehow or other, the Angels were no more.

Hikari slumped down next to Asuka, a smile on her face. "It's over now, isn't it? All over now. Seele's gone, the Angels are gone…"

"Rei's gone, too," Asuka added, on a melancholy note.

"Hey, don't say that," Hikari replied, frowning, "Misato's still looking for her."

"She'll never find Rei," sighed Asuka, miserably, "But that's okay, right? I mean, losing Rei was horrible, but she wanted me to be happy. She sacrificed herself for me, so I guess this is what she wanted."

"That's right," Hikari replied with a nod, "She wanted you to be happy."

"That just figures," sighed Asuka, "Figured Wonder Girl would want something strange like this."

Hikari smiled, slightly.

The bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. Asuka pushed herself up, stretching her arms into the air. She felt the tightness that had filled her body all day leave her as she watched Hikari sprint over to Toji. She watched her friend wrap her arms around Toji's neck, kissing him right on the cheek, unashamed what the other people around her might think, what they might insinuate. And, naturally, Toji returned the kiss with the same unabashed nature.

They had been dating solid for all this time, which Asuka found amazing. Hikari had been, at first, more than a little timid about the entire dating ordeal, but Toji's confidence, or at least acts of confidence, had developed Hikari's self-esteem to the level that she could kiss her boyfriend out in public without caring what her critics had to say about her actions and her style.

Asuka approached Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, as he heaved his heavy bag onto one shoulder. She glanced up to Asuka, a smile on his face. "Oh, Asuka! I'm almost ready."

"Almost? What else do you need, anyway? That bag looks like it weighs more than I do!"

"Well, I still need to just get my other arm through the—"

"Don't feel like waiting. Come on, you idiot!"

Asuka grabbed Shinji by the arm, dragging his protesting body out of the room, out of the school, and onto the street. Turning to her comrade, she said, in a laughing tone, "You can just put your arm through that thingy out here while you're walking, okay?"

"Fine, but did you really need to pull me?"

"Yup. I don't want to wait. Besides, there's a really cool show on TV I wanna watch that'll start the moment we get home. If you delayed any longer, I might've missed it."

"Okay…"

The two of them walked home. It was strange. Even though it had been so long since Instrumentality, she couldn't get used to the lack of a third person walking with them. The loss of Rei was monumental to their little group, by far. She frowned, sadly, wondering just where in the world the blue haired girl could have gone? Perhaps she was simply disbursed over the planet like oxygen, or maybe she was so small that even atoms dwarfed her.

"So when does this show of yours start?" Shinji asked, curiously.

"Soon enough," Asuka replied, "Sooner than later, so you better get your butt in gear."

"I see," Shinji replied, approaching Asuka, slowly, tentatively reaching out for her hand.

Asuka glanced down at Shinji's hand, and, very slowly, extended her own. Slowly, the two palms embraced one another, the fingers interlocking slowly around the other's knuckles, until they were combined like a single unit, separated only by the other's skin. Asuka felt a fluttering feeling that, by this point in time, she had grown very used to. She felt her lips curl at the ends, blush filling her face entirely.

The truth was that they had, by this point in time, been dating for some time. Not truly dating, and Asuka was too pigheaded to actually admit that she was dating an idiot like Shini. They simply held hands on walks, hung out together, maybe even exchanged a couple of kisses here and there. Nothing serious, she supposed. It wasn't like Shinji was the man she was going to marry or anything. That was in the future, so far away. Who knew what would happen? Maybe she'd meet another man.

"Asuka," Shinji replied, "My father testified against Keel today."

"I heard Keel was captured, but your father actually testified? Now that's something."

Commander Ikari had been put on trial for crimes against humanity, but had been found innocent due to a lack of evidence. They could not prove that he had killed Ritsuko Akagi, nor could they prove that he had anything to do with the Giant Rei creature. If anything, because NERV protected Tokyo-3 with the Evas, he had used that to his advantage, claiming that he had actually been protecting the human race from Seele. Naturally, after that claim, he had lead a group to capture the Seele members, all of them, and today his mission had been completed.

However, as recommended by Commander Fuyutski, Commander Ikari actually stepped down from the head of NERV, allowing Fuyutski to take control. Since Fuyutski's ascension, Asuka felt NERV's rather intense, serious atmosphere to lighten up, almost relax under the new command. It was almost fun to take a visit into NERV headquarters now, especially without Ritsuko there.

"Now it's over, Asuka," Shinji replied, frowning, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's all over. Seele, the Angels, even the Evas. So now what do we do?"

"What is that supposed to mean? We've been living our lives since then. What are you, stupid?"

"No, I know that, but I always thought that you wouldn't be able to handle life without Eva," Shinji said, a smile on his face.

"Well, truthfully, neither did I," Asuka admitted.

In fact, there had been times when severe depression had overtaken Asuka, separation anxiety even. However, thanks to Dr. Tamako, she had managed to overcome many of those horrible spells of suffering. And, thanks to Misato and even Maya, she had been given the treat every so often, to just walk into her Eva's entryplug, just to feel at home inside the Eva.

In actuality, every time she walked into the Eva, she tried to find her mother. Tried to find even the slightest trace of her fallen mother. However, only on one occasion had she actually succeeded in feeling an ephemeral flame of love that reminded her of her mother. That time had been fairly recent, too, only a few weeks ago. Asuka was hoping that Misato could allow her to go in again very soon so she could try to communicate again with her Mother, praying that, maybe eventually, she'd talk to her once again.

"You know, Asuka, I'm just glad it's all done," Shinji replied, "I never did enjoy piloting the Eva."

"I could tell, you big baby."

"What?"

"Oh, I know that if I wasn't there to help save your butt on the line, you probably would have been crying and making a scene about how you didn't want to pilot, blah, blah, blah! Whiner!"

"What? Whiner? I'm not a whiner!"

"Oh, yes you are and you know it, idiot!"

Asuka smiled as Shinji struggled to find some sort of comeback. He never really did, so Asuka wasn't so worried about that. Rather, she glanced up at the sky, seeing the clouds filter over the sun, the light from the star high above them shimmering down over her face and cheeks.

"Nice weather, right?"

"Yeah," Shinji replied, "To think that it's almost October, though."

"Been a little less than a year now, hasn't it?" Asuka remarked, "We're almost in high school, too. Next year, Shinji. Next year."

Those words had a nice ring to it. It made her feel more adult, something she had always wanted but never truly sought out. Adulthood. Such a mature feeling. Now, only a few months away from her fifteenth birthday, she felt so mature, so womanly. Already her body had started to mature. She had measured each change with growing excitement. Even though her body was already rather womanly to begin with at even such a young age, she valued each and every development to her body, even the bad, like the stray pimple or extra pound that would occasionally find its way onto her body.

It was only then that Asuka noticed something on the ground. She glanced down at the floor, her eyebrow raised. She bent down, and picked up a fallen leaf. She stared at it, perplexed. It was brown, dead looking. "Hey, Shinji, did you ever see a leaf like this?"

Shinji glanced at it, an eyebrow raised. "Only in textbooks."

"Hmm, strange," Asuka tossed the leaf aside before looking up at the tree above. Her eyes widened with surprise. All the leaves on the tree had turned into a fiery red and yellow shade. It was magnificently beautiful. Her mouth hung open as she took in the sheer beauty of it. Never before had she seen a tree quite like this, with the leaves that intense and full of colors quite like that. Never had she known of a tree that could become that beautiful, except, Asuka noted, in textbooks about the world preceding Second Impact, where seasons used to exist.

"I think this is called Autumn," Shinji noted.

"Pretty name," Asuka replied, noting that the air was a bit too chilly for her skirt. Her bare legs started to grow cold, to the point where she tugged on her socks to try to cover her bare calves.

"Well, maybe we should head home," Shinji suggested, "It's too cold for this."

"Agreed 100%!" Asuka snapped letting go of Shinji's hand as the two of them started running back to Misato's apartment, their home. Their warm paradise.

However, naturally, Shinji stumbled onto the ground, skidding his elbow against the concrete. Asuka stopped, glancing around with a smile. "Well, it looks like the great Shinji can't even run one hundred meters without falling flat on his face. How spectacular."

"Just help me up, please," Shinji pleaded, which Asuka obliged and pulled him to his feet.

The two of them stared into each other's eyes, transfixed in seconds. Asuka stared at Shinji, that fluttering desire soaring through her chest. Very slowly, she drew nearer, Shinji obliging slowly. Very delicately, she placed her lips upon Shinji's, only for her, in ecstasy, to feel his hands wrapping around her sides. She obliged by curling her arms around his neck, holding him closer as the fire burned into each of them. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut in her glory, in her joy, as the kiss filled her, as the passion and love enveloped her.

Slowly, her lips still locked, she opened her eyes. There was a flock of birds that flew into the air, pigeons she thought, the sound of their feathers beating against the wind almost soothing. But Asuka could see passed them, see the two figures staring at them, simply, in the middle of the road behind them.

Standing there, simply dressed in school uniforms, was Kaworu, who was holding hands with Rei Ayanami. Asuka was transfixed, her lips locked with Shinji, and her eyes locked with Rei's own scarlet eyes. Rei's lips were curled into an innocent, happy smile. And then, Asuka blinked, and the two had disappeared, gone, as though into thin air.

Asuka wished they would return, but knew, sadly, that was not to be. Rei was happy, and that was what matters. She was with Kaworu, and apparently they were getting along quite smoothly from the look of things.

Slowly, Shinji and Asuka parted, Shinji staring into Asuka's eyes, a look of innocent joy in his eyes. "Let's head home, Asuka."

"Sure."

Home. Back to where she knew she could do whatever she wanted and still be loved. A warm, welcoming place that she had longed for her entire life. A place where she could be herself and not have to worry about being judged. A place where she learned just who she was in the world, not just judging herself by solitary things in her life that would eventually go away. A place where you didn't have to be perfect to belong. A place where warm, joyous people welcomed you home.

A place where angels really lived.

THE END


End file.
